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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you send your DC to a working class school

93 replies

TrampolineParty · 09/03/2023 17:42

To cut a long story short - my DP attended a school which is described as having

low attainment
serves an area of high deprivation
I've seen it said online about it that it serves a lot of 'rough' working class kids

My partner's working class. Council estate background but a less rough person than my DP it's hard to imagine !

My D.C. loved his school and was very well liked there - with people who knew him there thinking of him as decent and one of the good ones .

I in contrast had a much worse time at my school and I'd much rather our DC go to my partner's old school than mine Our DC is 5 now - WIBU to send her to my partner's old school despite it not being seen as 'academic?'

OP posts:

Riapia · 09/03/2023 18:59

Depends on the child.
Some will achieve despite their school, others because of it.

Soozikinzii · 09/03/2023 19:00

I agree with others who said visit . Visit in the school day if possible, at least 3 I would say . You'll know if it's the right one for your family as soon as you walk in the door .

randomsabreuse · 09/03/2023 19:03

I'd keep an open mind. Primary, definitely. We're at a "working class" school and the teaching is great and there's lots of funding around for the school but at secondary it might be more of an issue if too much time gets taken up dealing with disruption...

erikbloodaxe · 09/03/2023 19:07

My DS went to a state primary in a rough area and won a scholarship to a highly regarded independent. Fantastic I thought. Except it wasn't and he hated it. I moved him to the rough secondary he would've gone to originally. He IS a rocket scientist now (well he has a masters in physics)

Overthebloodymoon · 09/03/2023 19:08

Mine go to a very mixed school. It has its challenges, namely lack of funds as not everyone can/will donate to trips and so they get canceled. That’s rather galling. There’s an element of bad behaviour and sadly, this does tend to come from the rougher kids. Harsh but true! X

pointythings · 09/03/2023 19:08

I'd visit the schools you have a realistic chance of getting her into and then decide. The 'feel' you get really is important - I was leaning towards our catchment primary before visiting because it wasn't CEVA and we are not at all religious, but it didn't feel warm and welcoming. The CEVA school did, so we put it first (being fully honest about our lack of faith!) and got a place for DD1. DD2 then got in on sibling priority. Best thing we could have done.

Forgooodnesssakenow · 09/03/2023 19:10

TrampolineParty · 09/03/2023 17:42

To cut a long story short - my DP attended a school which is described as having

low attainment
serves an area of high deprivation
I've seen it said online about it that it serves a lot of 'rough' working class kids

My partner's working class. Council estate background but a less rough person than my DP it's hard to imagine !

My D.C. loved his school and was very well liked there - with people who knew him there thinking of him as decent and one of the good ones .

As 1 of 5 siblings with a housing estate background, all now university educated, high earners and I'm sure you'll be surprised to hear, very civilised, there's so much presumption and snobbery in your post.

Your husband must be half everyday you lowered yourself to marry him 🤣

SparkyBlue · 09/03/2023 19:19

Visit all the schools your DC will likely get a place in and then decide. One of my DC attends an asd class in a school considered rough as fuck. The vibe and atmosphere in that school is absolutely amazing . It's such a happy and positive place to be. My son is thriving academically but also socially.

MintJulia · 09/03/2023 19:20

titchy · 09/03/2023 17:54

Go and visit, no one including your dp, can possibly say whether she'll do well there unless you go and see for yourselves, and visit other local schools to compare.

Your dd is not your dp, and the environment when he was there will be completely different to how it is these days.

This.

noscoobydoodle · 09/03/2023 19:24

My oldest DD originally went to a 'posh school', which closed its wraparound so she had to move to a 'rough' school. She enjoyed both for different reasons. The posh school had more trips, dress up days, summer fayres, bake sales and the like- the PTA were very active and there were lots of clubs run by volunteers. However It was a bit cliquey and a bit one-up-manship about who had the biggest house, car, ski trip etc. homework was always some elaborate project which parents had to be very involved in (think building a lifesize castle etc). It was a bit old fashioned with a stiff upper lip mentality. It got great results- but most kids were also tutored. The 'rough' school had exceptional pastoral care, was much more holistic in approach and my DD thrived there. They had lots of great equipment bought from a deprived area grant (way above what the posh school had). However, there was no PTA, no events, dress up days or trips (also no homework) and only the odd club and always run by a teacher/TA. Their results weren't great and DD was easily top of the class and sometimes bored (she is bright but not exceptional). It was also cliquey but on the basis of who lived on the estate (and usually had grown up there as well). My DD was/is very anxious so the benefits of the 'rough' school's pastoral care really outweighed what the 'posh', school offered. I would have a think about what's important to you and your child and maybe visit both schools and ask some questions but certainly don't rule it out. I would say we later moved house because of the secondary catchment though so something else to bear in mind.

BigMadAdrian · 09/03/2023 19:26

I am unhappy with my dc’s independent school - lots of issues with bullying (ring leader is an exceptional cricketer…) and some big incidents involving racism and sexual assault. There can be problems anywhere and sometimes I think the well off hooligans are worse, because they also have a huge sense of entitlement. Nice people and horrible people exist in all socioeconomic demographics.

bagelbagelbagel · 09/03/2023 19:28

Donotgogentle · 09/03/2023 18:04

It’s not actually a bad thing to be working class you know?

I realise your OP is talking about deprivation and attainment which are different issues but the title is off.

I can't believe I had to scroll this far for somebody else to point it out!

MegaManic · 09/03/2023 19:30

Yanbu to send you child to whatever school you think is best. View the schools and get a feel for where you think she would be best suited. If she is academic it would seem a shame to send her somewhere where she might not be able to do the best she can academically.

YABU to base you opinions on the experiences of adults who went to school 10/15/20 years ago.

YABU to trot out stereotypes about working class people being salt of the earth good people and middle class people being stuck up and rude.

Luredbyapomegranate · 09/03/2023 19:30

Go and visit all your options and get a feel for them. Your experiences some years ago aren’t really relevant - both schools could have changed a lot in that time.

I don’t think this is about it being a mostly working class intake though is it? If the attainment is poor it’s not going to do her any good.

Life is likely to be tough throughout her lifetime, and she will need to earn a good living. Don’t let anything cloud that.

Luredbyapomegranate · 09/03/2023 19:32

bagelbagelbagel · 09/03/2023 19:28

I can't believe I had to scroll this far for somebody else to point it out!

Show quote history

I think people are ignoring the title because it’s deliberately provocative.

Mimilamore · 09/03/2023 19:32

Have a look round, get a feel for it. From experience " poor" schools do their very best to raise standards and wellbeing is important.... if you like it send him/ her/ they, if a child is brought up to not judge others by material gains then I' ll be fine. Lots of support from home and as many experiences of this world be it local or global will ensure a well rounded, not entitled, happy child..

Hence · 09/03/2023 19:32

No, I would not. I come from as working class a background as you can get (mum worked in Tesco and my Dad was a postman). I want better for my kids then the shit I had to contend with growing up. My kids all go to private school now.

SummerHouse · 09/03/2023 19:34

Visit the schools. Stereotypes and assumptions will only get you so far. We walk past an outstanding primary school every day to get to (in my opinion) the school that suited my boys. Never once had a moment's regret and 100% certain we made the right choice.

CancelT · 09/03/2023 19:37

@Forgoodnessakenow - my DP - also one of 5 siblings from a grim council estate - and I say that as someone that spent the best year of my life living in a council estate! (Albeit not one with a rough reputation). The difference cell between my DPs family and yours is that my DP and his siblings don't have. a GCSE between the 5 of them!
When I first met my DP I had a massive crush on him - good looking, lean 16 year old. Never thought he'd be interested in me, overweight and unattractive. But then I lost weight, grew my hair - and he was subsequently interested. I still can't believe I've managed to attract the heartthrob of our college tbh 🤣

Keeptbreathing · 09/03/2023 19:37

Yabu to call it a working class school. What a goady title!
It’s a school like any other, schools get reputations that stay with them. You will only know if you its right for you and your child if you go and visit.

Lastnamedidntstick · 09/03/2023 19:46

The school he is in now is, on the outside, the pits. They have a police officer attached to it!!

schools liaison police officers are fairly standard. It’s not indicative of a problem in the school.

every secondary school in our county has a PC attached. They deal with stuff like online crime, educate around sending pictures, grooming etc, as well as the usual support around crime.

it really does depend on your dd. I went to a private school until 13, where I thrived in the small groups, lots of sport and other opportunities etc. moved to the local comp and got utterly lost in the noise, so many people, boys clowning, teachers not knowing your name, being a “square” if you put any effort in etc. stopped engaging completely.

very bright kids will usually do well anywhere. It’s the middle of the road ones, or the introverts that tend to fail in big comprehensives.

Fairislefandango · 09/03/2023 19:57

Do you have any particular reason to assume that your dp's old school is anything like it used to be? Schools can change pretty drastically in a few years, never mind a generation. Dh and I are both teachers and have seen this for ourselves multiple times.

My dc are at the local comprehensive, which was ok when we chose to send them there, but has gone hugely downhill. Lots of very bad behaviour, which disrupts learning. I bitterly regret not sending them to grammar school. We had our reasons at the time, but if I could go back in time I'd choose differently.

ReadtheReviews · 09/03/2023 20:28

My dd goes to one which has got progressively rougher. The girls are a lot more teen acting and the boys say some really foul stuff at age 7! Everyone in the playground at pick up looks hard as nails. Then again, I feel like it will set her up for surviving in the world.
But I'd love her to get a scholarship for high school....

HappyAsASandboy · 10/03/2023 07:53

Go and see the schools when the time comes for your DC to apply.

What the schools were like when you/your DH were there is irrelevant; surely a significant time has passed between you being 16/18 and your DC reaching 11?

jeaux90 · 10/03/2023 07:56

I sent my DD13 to the school that most suits her. A school can be excellent but might not suit some kids.

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