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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Report Ex for benefit fraud

87 replies

Sn0wpink · 09/03/2023 16:21

Name change as I know this is a touchy subject.

My ex and I were work colleagues. I am currently off on maternity leave. My ex has stopped paying maintenance for our child. If I go through CMS I would get less than £2 per week as he has other children. He is claiming benefits for himself, receiving carers allowance for his elderly dad who he doesn't even care for, he keeps his dad's benefits/pension and drives a DLA car courtesy of his father. On top of all this he takes home around £500 cash in hand through work.

I am literally skint through car payments, other bills and being the sole financial provider for our child. It is sickening me. I have always worked through the books and paid my fair share of tax and NI and made it clear throughout our relationship that I dont agree with what he is doing.

Before he stopped supporting our child he was contributing a whopping £20 a week...

I am torn whether or not to report his benefit fraud to HMRC as I don't want to get our boss in trouble as they have been good to me in the past but ex depriving our child of money and making life hard for me isn't OK. I have no intentions of returning to this workplace when my maternity is finished but I would feel awful getting my boss and the rest of my colleagues in bother and no doubt would run into them in the supermarket and things would be so awkward for me.

Is it unreasonable to report him?

OP posts:
AndTheSurveySays · 09/03/2023 16:25

he keeps his dad's benefits/pension and drives a DLA car courtesy of his father

This is abuse. You need to report it to social services/ adult social care ASAP.

welshpolarbear · 09/03/2023 16:30

I think report it, it is negativity affecting you.

They shouldn't be paying cash in hand anyway, but the benefit fraud is just incredibly maddening. Why should he get to defraud the system like this when so many people struggle (including yourself)

Cantstaystuckforever · 09/03/2023 16:30

If it was just cash in hand I'd stay out on the basis that it won't be good for your DC to have their dad either in trouble or angry at you - but the carers allowance and taking his dad's benefits and blue badge is all disgusting, his dad is at risk and it becomes something to report.

Ghostbuster2639 · 09/03/2023 16:32

I have always worked through the books and paid my fair share of tax and NI and made it clear throughout our relationship that I dont agree with what he is doing.

But you were ok with it when you were in a relationship but now your not it’s suddenly a moral issue?

How does his father live if he has no money?

Original poster
Sn0wpink · 09/03/2023 16:37

@Ghostbuster2639 it didn't affect me when we were together so didn't report it. Now he's not supporting our child and its affecting me which is why I'm considering it. His dad does not and can not leave the house due to his age and health issues. My ex buys them ready meals and cigarettes. They don't see a penny of their money.

OP posts:
AndTheSurveySays · 09/03/2023 16:38

Are you going to report the abuse to social services?

Original poster
Sn0wpink · 09/03/2023 16:57

@AndTheSurveySays I'm going to speak to someone tomorrow about how to report anonymously as he would go mad if he found out it was me and I'd be fearful of his behaviour towards myself and our child

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 09/03/2023 17:00

It didn't affect you when you were together ShockShockShock

Why the fuck did you fuck this man who exploits and abuses his position with an elderly man...

You're not really coming off great here

Moonicorn · 09/03/2023 17:01

How interesting, mumsnet users are all in favour of ‘shopping‘ people when it’s a bloke. Guarantee if this was a woman they’d be ‘BEAK OUT, do you want to give the poor woman and her elderly parent a nervous breakdown’ ra ra ra

Yes, dob him in OP, he’s taking the piss

AndTheSurveySays · 09/03/2023 17:02

You just phone and and say you wish to remain anonymous (they wouldn't tell him who reported anyway). You could also just give a fake name if you're terribly worried.

Moonicorn · 09/03/2023 17:02

Why have you had kids with such a useless waster? Someone who you think could harm them? I despair I really do.

AviMav · 09/03/2023 17:03

Moonicorn · 09/03/2023 17:01

How interesting, mumsnet users are all in favour of ‘shopping‘ people when it’s a bloke. Guarantee if this was a woman they’d be ‘BEAK OUT, do you want to give the poor woman and her elderly parent a nervous breakdown’ ra ra ra

Yes, dob him in OP, he’s taking the piss

Ahhh this isn't what I've seen on MN tbh MN usually frown upon this kind or thing man or woman.

AndTheSurveySays · 09/03/2023 17:03

Guarantee if this was a woman they’d be ‘BEAK OUT, do you want to give the poor woman and her elderly parent a nervous breakdown’ ra ra ra

ODFOD

Moonicorn · 09/03/2023 17:04

AndTheSurveySays · 09/03/2023 17:03

Guarantee if this was a woman they’d be ‘BEAK OUT, do you want to give the poor woman and her elderly parent a nervous breakdown’ ra ra ra

ODFOD

No, you fuck off 🤷🏼‍♀️

Moonicorn · 09/03/2023 17:05

AviMav · 09/03/2023 17:03

Ahhh this isn't what I've seen on MN tbh MN usually frown upon this kind or thing man or woman.

Show quote history

There was one a few days ago. It was all ‘mind your own business’ and ‘you’re a nasty piece of work’ blah blah.

Idkrealorfake · 09/03/2023 17:06

Moonicorn · 09/03/2023 17:02

Why have you had kids with such a useless waster? Someone who you think could harm them? I despair I really do.

Why would you even post this comment? What's the point?

Original poster
Sn0wpink · 09/03/2023 17:07

Just to be clear I wasn't aware of the abusive side of him when I got pregnant, and I broke up with him shortly after I realised it... which was wasn't long after I found out I was expecting.
Wasn't exactly a long relationship.

OP posts:
AndTheSurveySays · 09/03/2023 17:07

No, you fuck off

Why? I'm not the one trying to excuse abuse of an elderly person.

DurhamDurham · 09/03/2023 17:08

You were ok with this disgusting behaviour while you were together? It's not about your ex's father at all is it? It's just you don't want your ex to have access to the money now that you don't benefit from it.
Awful.

Moonicorn · 09/03/2023 17:08

Idkrealorfake · 09/03/2023 17:06

Why would you even post this comment? What's the point?

Show quote history

Frustration mainly

Moonicorn · 09/03/2023 17:08

AndTheSurveySays · 09/03/2023 17:07

No, you fuck off

Why? I'm not the one trying to excuse abuse of an elderly person.

Was I really? And where did I do this?

DurhamDurham · 09/03/2023 17:09

it didn't affect me when we were together so didn't report it. Now he's not supporting our child and its affecting me which is why I'm considering it

JudgeRudy · 09/03/2023 17:10

Sn0wpink · 09/03/2023 16:37

@Ghostbuster2639 it didn't affect me when we were together so didn't report it. Now he's not supporting our child and its affecting me which is why I'm considering it. His dad does not and can not leave the house due to his age and health issues. My ex buys them ready meals and cigarettes. They don't see a penny of their money.

So whilst you were together you turned a blind eye to all this presumably because it benefitted you but now it doesn't.....some things to consider
Can it be proven that you knew and benefitted from this arrangement? If so, you are an accomplice!
Ready meals (especially Wilkshire Farm foods etc are more expensive than supermarket brands. Cigarettes are expensive too. If he takes them to appointments, mows the lawn every now and then and organises their bills etc he's being a carer. He doesn't need to wipe their bums or do their housework.
If you feel you're in the right, be upfront. Speak with him and give him the opportunity to 'come clean' before you report him.

AndTheSurveySays · 09/03/2023 17:10

What was the point of your comment then Moonicorn?

Moonicorn · 09/03/2023 17:13

AndTheSurveySays · 09/03/2023 17:10

What was the point of your comment then Moonicorn?

What on Earth are you talking about, ‘excusing the abuse of elderly people’ where did I say that?