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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Report Ex for benefit fraud

87 replies

Sn0wpink · 09/03/2023 16:21

Name change as I know this is a touchy subject.

My ex and I were work colleagues. I am currently off on maternity leave. My ex has stopped paying maintenance for our child. If I go through CMS I would get less than £2 per week as he has other children. He is claiming benefits for himself, receiving carers allowance for his elderly dad who he doesn't even care for, he keeps his dad's benefits/pension and drives a DLA car courtesy of his father. On top of all this he takes home around £500 cash in hand through work.

I am literally skint through car payments, other bills and being the sole financial provider for our child. It is sickening me. I have always worked through the books and paid my fair share of tax and NI and made it clear throughout our relationship that I dont agree with what he is doing.

Before he stopped supporting our child he was contributing a whopping £20 a week...

I am torn whether or not to report his benefit fraud to HMRC as I don't want to get our boss in trouble as they have been good to me in the past but ex depriving our child of money and making life hard for me isn't OK. I have no intentions of returning to this workplace when my maternity is finished but I would feel awful getting my boss and the rest of my colleagues in bother and no doubt would run into them in the supermarket and things would be so awkward for me.

Is it unreasonable to report him?

OP posts:

UpUpAndAwol · 09/03/2023 20:10

He won’t pay you OP no matter if you report. Him gaming the system has nothing to do with him paying maintenance. Even if he did get fined he would find another way to avoid paying maintenance and will likely relish the game of cat and mouse he knows he can trap you in.

It’s tough but I think you are better of going it alone. You will be free of his attempted control which is what the £2 a week really is. Sorry this has happened to you.

NomadicSpirit · 09/03/2023 20:16

Densol57 · 09/03/2023 20:10

I have absolutely no idea why people ask this sort of question on MN. Many of the posters are vile in reply.

OP you report someone for benefit fraud online. It has numerous drop down boxes for all the things you want to report and they ask for information on each aspect.

its all anonymous. In fact the form is at pains to tell you not to include any personal or identifying information about yourself.

gather together all the info about him so you dont get timed out completing the form

Nice to see someone who is just trying to advise the OP rather than tipping her apart. As you say, many of the posters are vile. I've not long been on MumsNet, but I am already recognising that it seems to be the same people who love kicking the boot in.

BadNomad · 09/03/2023 20:23

Reporting him isn't in her best interest though. That's the point. It will turn him against her. It will turn other people against her. He will likely lose the job he does have. Basically she will be less likely to get money from him in the future if she does this, when her goal and wish is to get money from him.

Putthefireon · 09/03/2023 20:28

You knew what your ex was doing was immoral and you chose to have a baby with him. More fool you!

Coffeellama · 09/03/2023 20:28

NomadicSpirit · 09/03/2023 20:16

Show quote history

She didn’t ask how can she report someone. She asked if she was BU to do so, for opinions. If she wanted unbiased support on how to report she wouldn’t have asked if she was BU on the AIBU board and included all the detail about the guys dad and how it will also negatively impact her to report him.

Hotvimto3 · 09/03/2023 20:35

Report. Hes a cunt

Womblemumma · 09/03/2023 20:40

Sn0wpink · 09/03/2023 16:37

@Ghostbuster2639 it didn't affect me when we were together so didn't report it. Now he's not supporting our child and its affecting me which is why I'm considering it. His dad does not and can not leave the house due to his age and health issues. My ex buys them ready meals and cigarettes. They don't see a penny of their money.

Omg this is abuse of a vulnerable person! Report this immediately

Greentree1 · 09/03/2023 20:43

Report him, we all pay more taxes because of people like him.

Cornelious2011 · 09/03/2023 20:47

I'd report the employer if they're paying cash in hand and hmrc if he is not declaring it. The benefits stuff is down to interpretation. I know people who drive another persons DLA car and they drive the disabled person to appointments a few times a month. It's hard to prove those things.

Starflecked · 09/03/2023 20:54

. I have always worked through the books and paid my fair share of tax and NI and made it clear throughout our relationship that I dont agree with what he is doing.

Eurgh, happy to benefit from him committing fraud but wants to report now it doesn't.

The more pressing matter is surely reporting to social services for abusing his poor father, someone evidently needs to advocate for him.

CrazyHedgehogLover · 09/03/2023 21:31

My honest advice is to not do anything whilst you’re annoyed/pissed off, don’t let anger fuel the fire. Yes this may come across as unfair (my ex doesn’t pay maintenance for my son and has chose to not see him for years tbh!) but you can’t 100% say he is abusing his father, also if he is a carer the car he will be driving around in will have his name on there, his father will be the main applicant for this but he will be a named driver, he could use this to take his father to appointments, pick up shopping/prescriptions doesn’t really matter but he’s obviously named on the car to be able to drive this.

My MIL suffers from epilepsy etc, Another poster is right in that he could be handling the money for him as this is what my husband’s siblings do for MIL but unless you watch his every move how do you know what he is buying? He clearly will go shopping for him, if he isn’t able to your ex will most likely either be paying a cleaner out of this money or doing it himself, I’m just saying don’t let anger rule your mind.

if I was in your situation I would leave this and move on, if he gets another job one day then reapply to the CMS, the most important thing here is your child and if I was you I would want to try and keep (as amicable as possible) a decent coparenting relationship that your child will benefit from.

although I agree him receiving cash in hand is sneaky and I wouldn’t necessarily report him for this I would report the company to HMRC. This will then affectively be investigated appropriately.

I don’t want you to take offence I do genuinely feel the most important situation in all of this is just focusing on coparenting as best as you can, ignore what he is doing unless you do seriously have concerns for his father.

did you mention his father had someone go in and check on him etc? If so, again this person has a duty of care and at this time clearly doesn’t have any concerns, I would suggest though if you know something which is levelling abuse to his father I.e financially, emotionally or physically then it’s best to report to social services for them to see further.

i hope it all works out! It is frustrating when you feel you’re the only one providing and sometimes when looking at this sort of situation can feel like a massive pisstake! But just be the bigger person and move past this, don’t necessarily report anything that is not really able to prove/could affect any chance of a decent coparenting relationship for your child. Good luck x

gogohmm · 09/03/2023 21:48

The boss needs reporting too, I lay odds they aren't pay the employers ni. It's tax fraud

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