Page 3 | Report Ex for benefit fraud

Sn0wpink · 2023-03-09T16:21:29+00:00

Name change as I know this is a touchy subject. My ex and I were work colleagues. I am currently off on maternity leave. My ex has stopped paying maintenance for our child. If I go through CMS I would get less than £2 per week as he has other children. He is claiming benefits for himself, receiving carers allowance for his elderly dad who he doesn't even care for, he keeps his dad's benefits/pension and drives a DLA car courtesy of his father. On top of all this he takes home around £500 cash in hand through work. I am literally skint through car payments, other bills and being the sole financial provider for our child. It is sickening me. I have always worked through the books and paid my fair share of tax and NI and made it clear throughout our relationship that I dont agree with what he is doing. Before he stopped supporting our child he was contributing a whopping £20 a week... I am torn whether or not to report his benefit fraud to HMRC as I don't want to get our boss in trouble as they have been good to me in the past but ex depriving our child of money and making life hard for me isn't OK. I have no intentions of returning to this workplace when my maternity is finished but I would feel awful getting my boss and the rest of my colleagues in bother and no doubt would run into them in the supermarket and things would be so awkward for me. Is it unreasonable to report him?

Original poster

Sn0wpink · 09/03/2023 18:56

Rubyupbeat · 09/03/2023 18:30

You said it didn't affect you before. So you was ok about him keeping back his fathers benefits , driving about in a dla car and earning cash in hand then, but now you are not together and not benefitting from his fraud, you want to report him?
I think it's awful how you went along with his financial abuse towards his parents.

I never benefitted from his fraud lol. £20 a week is a pittence compared to what he's been raking in. Mind you he has only paid it for 10 weeks and our son is 6 months old.
I tried to support ExPs dad as best as I could, my ex also has siblings who take nothing to do with their dad. At the end of the day he's their responsibility not mine. He also has a team of home help that visit during the day, surely if the "abuse" was so noticeable they would have reported it by now? I actually never said it was abuse, I just stated what occurs financially and you all jumped saying "abuse". I had no say over what my ex did with the money that he was in receipt of.

I told him I didn't agree with his behaviour and tried to get him to change and he wouldn't so I left.

So now I should just keep my mouth shut and let our son suffer because mummy can hardly make ends meet and daddy is off living the high life claiming all sorts? Don't think so.

OP posts:

Wellillsayitifnoonelsewill · 09/03/2023 19:01

Sn0wpink · 09/03/2023 16:37

@Ghostbuster2639 it didn't affect me when we were together so didn't report it. Now he's not supporting our child and its affecting me which is why I'm considering it. His dad does not and can not leave the house due to his age and health issues. My ex buys them ready meals and cigarettes. They don't see a penny of their money.

That in itself is financial abuse and also probably neglect which is a legal matter for the police and social services so I’d be reporting him anonymously for that as a worried “friend”/“neighbour” etc - Anything else the HMRC pick up is a bonus and if that so happens to be the cash in hand so be it. You didn’t report him for that

whynotwhatknot · 09/03/2023 19:02

its fnincial abuse a carer wont know thats happening they come in and help you with day to day washing etc not look through the bank accounts

x2boys · 09/03/2023 19:05

AviMav · 09/03/2023 17:03

Ahhh this isn't what I've seen on MN tbh MN usually frown upon this kind or thing man or woman.

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They really do not ,not ime .

OliveToboogie · 09/03/2023 19:07

Good luck. I reported Brother In law for tax evasion, 2 times. Nothing done.

Coffeellama · 09/03/2023 19:07

Sn0wpink · 09/03/2023 18:56

I never benefitted from his fraud lol. £20 a week is a pittence compared to what he's been raking in. Mind you he has only paid it for 10 weeks and our son is 6 months old.
I tried to support ExPs dad as best as I could, my ex also has siblings who take nothing to do with their dad. At the end of the day he's their responsibility not mine. He also has a team of home help that visit during the day, surely if the "abuse" was so noticeable they would have reported it by now? I actually never said it was abuse, I just stated what occurs financially and you all jumped saying "abuse". I had no say over what my ex did with the money that he was in receipt of.

I told him I didn't agree with his behaviour and tried to get him to change and he wouldn't so I left.

So now I should just keep my mouth shut and let our son suffer because mummy can hardly make ends meet and daddy is off living the high life claiming all sorts? Don't think so.

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You explained the financial abuse in your OP and have referred to your ex as abusive and detailed the financial abuse of his father. Vulnerable people being abused is everyone’s responsibility, all you care about is yourself.

Youfeelme · 09/03/2023 19:11

The only reason you now want to report him is because it's not benefitting you. While it was benefitting you you were OK with it. It makes you just as bad.

BadNomad · 09/03/2023 19:18

Would you be happier if he spent some of his father's money on your son instead?

I really don't see how reporting him is going to help your son.

Original poster

Sn0wpink · 09/03/2023 19:22

Funny how on MUMsnet you're all for mothers having to financially suffer because the child's father is depriving their child of money which legally, and morally, they should be paying.

Fair enough I agree I should've reported his actions regarding his father, and I will do now, but I had a lot more to worry about then... for example, the health of my unborn child and how I'm going to cope as a single mother.

Yeah I do care about myself as I too am suffering at the hands of this man who doesn't give a toss about his father or indeed his son who he hasn't seen in 5 months.

And @Coffeellama the comment about his abusive behaviour was when it was directed toward myself, not his dad.

OP posts:

FUSoftPlay · 09/03/2023 19:24

This happened to a friend and they said they can’t prove the cash in hand so it was tough shit. By all means report him but don’t pin your hopes on any meaningful outcome.

Original poster

Sn0wpink · 09/03/2023 19:26

BadNomad · 09/03/2023 19:18

Would you be happier if he spent some of his father's money on your son instead?

I really don't see how reporting him is going to help your son.

No he should be using his hard earned money to pay for his son. Not shy of working but too shy to pay taxes.

I am still hesitant to report to hmrc as a lot of bridges would be burned for me and friendships ruined.

OP posts:

BadNomad · 09/03/2023 19:30

Sn0wpink · 09/03/2023 19:26

No he should be using his hard earned money to pay for his son. Not shy of working but too shy to pay taxes.

I am still hesitant to report to hmrc as a lot of bridges would be burned for me and friendships ruined.

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How will reporting him help you or your son? That's what it comes down to. You're saying this is about your son, but this wouldn't help your son and, as you say, will burn a lot of bridges with other people. So where is the benefit other than the personal satisfaction? Is that worth the fallout?

GreekDogRescue · 09/03/2023 19:32

Report him

Original poster

Sn0wpink · 09/03/2023 19:40

@BadNomad if I report him and he gets found out then a claim through CMS would be relevant to his income rather than the <£2 I would currently get which would benefit my son

OP posts:

Coffeellama · 09/03/2023 19:44

Funny how on MUMsnet you're all for mothers having to financially suffer because the child's father is depriving their child of money which legally, and morally, they should be paying.

Nobody is ‘all for it’, the fact is reporting him won’t help you financially one tiny bit, you are doing it because you are pissed off. People not agreeing with you here aren’t saying he shouldn’t pay for his child, obviously he should. But he won’t be paying for his child regardless, reporting him is something you should have done ages ago, you are only considering doing it now it suits you.

BadNomad · 09/03/2023 19:45

Sn0wpink · 09/03/2023 19:40

@BadNomad if I report him and he gets found out then a claim through CMS would be relevant to his income rather than the <£2 I would currently get which would benefit my son

You think he'll give up benefits to work legitimately? Somewhere else, obviously. I doubt his cash-in-hand employer will employ him seeing as it's his ex who got them all in to trouble.

Coffeellama · 09/03/2023 19:45

Sn0wpink · 09/03/2023 19:40

@BadNomad if I report him and he gets found out then a claim through CMS would be relevant to his income rather than the <£2 I would currently get which would benefit my son

Do you really think he will start declaring all his self employed income for you to claim CMS after you screw him over and report him for fraud, which is a criminal offence? Itl clearly hurt his earning potential. Report him sure, but it’s pointless pretending it’s purely for the benefit of your child.

Original poster

Sn0wpink · 09/03/2023 19:47

Coffeellama · 09/03/2023 19:44

Funny how on MUMsnet you're all for mothers having to financially suffer because the child's father is depriving their child of money which legally, and morally, they should be paying.

Nobody is ‘all for it’, the fact is reporting him won’t help you financially one tiny bit, you are doing it because you are pissed off. People not agreeing with you here aren’t saying he shouldn’t pay for his child, obviously he should. But he won’t be paying for his child regardless, reporting him is something you should have done ages ago, you are only considering doing it now it suits you.

Yeah I'll agree I am pissed off. But once he's found out he will have no other choice but to work legitimately and that way I can claim a meaningful amount of child maintenance which would go towards our son.

OP posts:

Original poster

Sn0wpink · 09/03/2023 19:48

He doesn't have the skillset to work self employed

OP posts:

BadNomad · 09/03/2023 19:50

Why are you assuming he'll get a job? He will likely stay on benefits and just get another cash-in-hand job when the dust has settled.

Coffeellama · 09/03/2023 19:52

Sn0wpink · 09/03/2023 19:47

Yeah I'll agree I am pissed off. But once he's found out he will have no other choice but to work legitimately and that way I can claim a meaningful amount of child maintenance which would go towards our son.

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Be honest with yourself here, after being done for fraud he’s far more likely to end up with another cash in hand job. Who’s going to to employ him after that? Plus he will be even more determined not to let you have a penny.

RainbowBrightside · 09/03/2023 19:52

Sn0wpink · 09/03/2023 16:37

@Ghostbuster2639 it didn't affect me when we were together so didn't report it. Now he's not supporting our child and its affecting me which is why I'm considering it. His dad does not and can not leave the house due to his age and health issues. My ex buys them ready meals and cigarettes. They don't see a penny of their money.

That’s the thing, now it’s affecting you. I mean, go ahead and report him but you were perfectly fine to be complicit in benefit fraud all that time whilst he was defrauding the tax payer. Not cool OP. Just call the CMS and get it over and done with but don’t get on your high horse when you could have reported him ages ago.

Sarahcoggles · 09/03/2023 20:00

Moonicorn · 09/03/2023 17:01

How interesting, mumsnet users are all in favour of ‘shopping‘ people when it’s a bloke. Guarantee if this was a woman they’d be ‘BEAK OUT, do you want to give the poor woman and her elderly parent a nervous breakdown’ ra ra ra

Yes, dob him in OP, he’s taking the piss

I was thinking the exact same thing!

Moonicorn · 09/03/2023 20:02

Sn0wpink · 09/03/2023 19:22

Funny how on MUMsnet you're all for mothers having to financially suffer because the child's father is depriving their child of money which legally, and morally, they should be paying.

Fair enough I agree I should've reported his actions regarding his father, and I will do now, but I had a lot more to worry about then... for example, the health of my unborn child and how I'm going to cope as a single mother.

Yeah I do care about myself as I too am suffering at the hands of this man who doesn't give a toss about his father or indeed his son who he hasn't seen in 5 months.

And @Coffeellama the comment about his abusive behaviour was when it was directed toward myself, not his dad.

With respect OP, you have made some incredibly silly decisions and now find yourself in a foreseeable position. The ultimate victim in this mess is a 6 month old baby, so the time for ‘gentle support’ has long passed - you need to hear some home truths, take them on board and now think about what YOU are going to do to make a peaceful and happy childhood for your son. You owe him that rather than grinding an axe and taking on somebody who sounds like he could be a risk to you both. Yes it’s not ‘fair’ but if you play silly games like having a baby in 5 minutes flat with a benefits cheat, then you win silly prizes like having no maintenance.

Densol57 · 09/03/2023 20:10

I have absolutely no idea why people ask this sort of question on MN. Many of the posters are vile in reply.

OP you report someone for benefit fraud online. It has numerous drop down boxes for all the things you want to report and they ask for information on each aspect.

its all anonymous. In fact the form is at pains to tell you not to include any personal or identifying information about yourself.

gather together all the info about him so you dont get timed out completing the form