Report Ex for benefit fraud

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Name change as I know this is a touchy subject.

My ex and I were work colleagues. I am currently off on maternity leave. My ex has stopped paying maintenance for our child. If I go through CMS I would get less than £2 per week as he has other children. He is claiming benefits for himself, receiving carers allowance for his elderly dad who he doesn't even care for, he keeps his dad's benefits/pension and drives a DLA car courtesy of his father. On top of all this he takes home around £500 cash in hand through work.

I am literally skint through car payments, other bills and being the sole financial provider for our child. It is sickening me. I have always worked through the books and paid my fair share of tax and NI and made it clear throughout our relationship that I dont agree with what he is doing.

Before he stopped supporting our child he was contributing a whopping £20 a week...

I am torn whether or not to report his benefit fraud to HMRC as I don't want to get our boss in trouble as they have been good to me in the past but ex depriving our child of money and making life hard for me isn't OK. I have no intentions of returning to this workplace when my maternity is finished but I would feel awful getting my boss and the rest of my colleagues in bother and no doubt would run into them in the supermarket and things would be so awkward for me.

Is it unreasonable to report him?

I think you’d get a better result if you told him he either contributes properly or you’ll report him.

I read a post recently where a neighbour 'suspected' a single mum might actually have her baby's father living with her. It was clarified that he's staying over but was officially requisered at his mums and working earning good money. Mum was receiving some benefits.
I said it's all shove board if he's paying her proper maintenance. I was told to butt out. The OP wad slated.

Well the elderly man is being abused and you posted a comment basically saying that posters wouldn't suggest reporting if is was a woman.

They wouldn’t. I would. So again - how is that me ‘excusing the abuse of an elderly person’?

Well then what was the point of your post if not to excuse the abuse?

I certainly didn't benefit from it! I visited his dad many times even after the breakup and went to the shops for him and bought him things, including cigarettes his darling son forgot to buy him that week, with my own money. Also I'm raising our child essentially on my own too. He's contributed around £200 towards him his whole life.

Wilkshire Farm meals? Try Iceland.

As harsh as it is, his father isn't my responsibility, my child is.

You didn't.

Frustration + unkindness + no filter more like.

Why would your boss be in trouble?

Yes you need to report him asap.

You may not get the maintenance you want but he is abusing his position as a carer.

Do we actually know he's financially abusing his parents? Is he stealing/spending their money? Lots of families in similar situations have arrangements where an able relative handles their money, so sets up DDs for utilities, rent/mortgage CT etc. It's probable he's sorted their pensions/benefits too. It doesn't mean he's abusing them. I'm assuming they have mental capacity.
But if you feel he might be then by all means call social services. As vulnerable adults they will have a social worker who can raise a safeguarding concern. It might be useful to give them a idea of your exs shift pattern as it's likely they'll call round to make a home visit. Are there other children (relatives) who you could speak to sbout your concerns.

@Sassyfox for knowingly paying his employees that are on benefits cash in hand

If you were OK with all the cash in hand stuff when you were together, you'd be a massive hypocrite to report him for it now. Yes, your ex should be paying maintenance, but reporting out of revenge is hateful.

Ultimately the worst offender here is the business which pays cash in hand, so perhaps report them to HMRC instead.

Is your employer that good to you? Doesn't paying cash in hand mean they don't need to pay towards your NI record and pension etc?

Anyway...I'd grass him up. He sounds awful.

You are actually fine about the exploitation of his father and the benefit fraud. It's just now you want to be petty and get revenge because he has stopped giving you CM. For those reasons, yes you'd be absolutely immoral to report him. Especially because you would knowingly fuck over other people in the process. Out of vengeance.

Very true! There was a thread on MN recently where a woman ‘broke up’ with her bf shortly after giving birth and although they lived separately (their legal addresses) they were still in a relationship and he stayed over at her house several times a week. The baby is 3 now and the woman is still claiming benefits and has a council house. MNetters kept saying the woman wasn’t doing anything wrong…

@GelPens1 because legally, she wasn't. There's no maximum number of nights you're allowed to have someone over. You're allowed to be in a relationship if you want.

yes he abusing his father and fraudently claming a car and blue badge-that money isnt his

How interesting, mumsnet users are all in favour of ‘shopping‘ people when it’s a bloke. Guarantee if this was a woman they’d be ‘BEAK OUT, do you want to give the poor woman and her elderly parent a nervous breakdown’ ra ra ra

I agree.
There have been a few and the majority always tells them to keep their nose out as it’s none of their business.

However. In this case I would be reporting him to the police and SS and not because of the benefit fraud.

@GelPens1 yes I was called all sorts of names - nosy, interfering and vindictive among the nicer ones. It’s an interesting double standard isn’t it?

While on another thread I may rant about it.m, the stealing from the taxpayer is the least of my concerns here. It’s about the fact OP has got pregnant at lightening speed by a loser she isn’t convinced is safe to be around her children, now they have the burden of a useless and potentially dangerous dad and the state will no doubt have to intervene to clear up the mess financially. But my primary worry is the safety of the children.

Do you know what OP, leave him to it. You’ve made some very silly decisions here but for your kid’s sake they need to be safe more than they need a few extra quid. Move house/flat, switch jobs and cut him loose. Learn from your mistakes here and set an example to the kids.

No but she was clearly gaming the system, with posters desperately scrabbling around for a ‘non underhand’ excuse for the whole thing. It was fascinating the lengths people were going to to stick up for someone clearly unfairly milking the system.

It’s disgusting that you were fine with ignoring this abuse and fraud while you were getting your £20, but now that that’s stopped you suddenly want to report him. You need to do better for your child, they deserve more this mess.

Report him

You said it didn't affect you before. So you was ok about him keeping back his fathers benefits , driving about in a dla car and earning cash in hand then, but now you are not together and not benefitting from his fraud, you want to report him?
I think it's awful how you went along with his financial abuse towards his parents.

That was a different situation? They weren't living together there is no reason to report them for being in a relationship

Of course there was. She was gaming the system. Just because what she did fell within the rules on paper, doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be ‘just outside’ if she was investigated. That would be for the authorities to decide.