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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

It's well for some isn't it?

109 replies

jumperoobaby · 09/03/2023 10:11

Apologies some of this may be tone deaf. I know not every one has disposable income

Myself, DH and baby DS went to centre parcs the other week for 3 nights and it was lovely.

But I've had a few friends/ family say things like 'oh isn't it well for ya' 'that place costs a fortune' 'ye must be loaded'

I 100% appreciate that the COL crisis is affecting a lot of people and this does include us. We don't have a bad income but not a anything fantastic either.

We have money for things like CP because we don't drink and I no longer smoke. I am not saying people can't/ shouldn't I used to spend anything from €100- €150 per week on drink/ cigs. We both quit alcohol about 3 years ago and I stopped smoking when I got pregnant and didn't take it back up. We are saving a fortune.

It just annoys me, those comments have come from people who I know drink/ smoke. What they spend their disposable income on is 100% up to them. As I said I used to spend loads on drink/ smokes and didn't really think anything of it and enjoyed my Saturday night out in the pubs. But no longer enjoy those things so choose to spend my money on other stuff now.

Not really sure what the questions is :

YABU - people are struggling and can't afford things like CP so you shouldn't be showing off that you can go there by putting 1 picture on SM

YANBU - You have the money because of how you choose to spend your disposable income

OP posts:

eternalopt · 09/03/2023 11:40

Term time and mid week and it was probably more than reasonable. Not that it's any of their business

DutchCowgirl · 09/03/2023 11:48

All my friends went skiing or flew off to sunny islands … and we “only” did a midweek at CP Sherwood Forest. Which turned out to be more affordable than I expected, hearing all the horror-stories.

It is always difficult, dealing with those differences….

Peachy2005 · 09/03/2023 11:59

AllOfThemWitches · 09/03/2023 11:16

I feel as though it's very relevant that OP is from Ireland and I've therefore missed something

We Irish have a saying that Ireland is a nation of begrudgers - for this kind of thing anyway. Obvs we can be generous in other ways.

OP just say you saved up for ages and got a good deal…if you feel you need to say something.

reddwarfgeek · 09/03/2023 12:02

A very similar thing happened to me. We went to Center Parcs in Jan for a long weekend ...last minute thing...and some friends commented.
But to me it was obvious. Me and partner work (nearly) full time and only have one child, they have two and work part time. Also we don't smoke.
Just explain that you've been able to save some money recently due to lifestyle choices. Not that you should ever have to explain anyway!

BansheeofInisherin · 09/03/2023 12:05

I have had some friends comment too on stuff I do ( I didn't put it on SM, just casually mentioned it). These days I am very careful not to mention anything I spend on, holidays, trips, clothes, house renovations...... nothing. This is a hard time for most people, and envy is rife. I stick to safer topics.

Cheesuswithallama · 09/03/2023 12:06

Porkandbeans1 · 09/03/2023 11:13

I don't know why CP holidays seem to bother people more than long haul holidays.

Ultimately OP money and topics around it bring out the worst in people. I think seeing someone save up and go on holiday when you've spent your disposable income on frivolous crap every week brings up jealousy and guilt.

There is a saying about certain type of people which fits to many in UK now more and more
"If their neigbour has a goat, they don't wish for two goats. They wish for his ome to die"

Cheesuswithallama · 09/03/2023 12:07

Sorrry, didn't mean to quote the particular post!

HaggisBurger · 09/03/2023 12:11

Yes a national hobby of begrudgery and a national hobby of unwarranted guilt. All displayed here.

HaggisBurger · 09/03/2023 12:13

I truly love that a 3 night term time stay in a cabin in newly planted woods in Longford of all places has become an object of envy 😂

catfunk · 09/03/2023 12:14

If you agree it's all well for you, you're more fortunate than most, why take offence ? Just nod and smile.

If they push, work out how much exactly you've saved on booze and alcohol over 3 years and give them that figure.

EL8888 · 09/03/2023 12:15

People need to own their choices better 🤷‍♀️. They rarely do, then often get irritable and jealous with others. You cut back on alcohol and cigarettes, instead spending it on going away. All good

I had a friend who very actively wanted to have 2 children very close together. Then went on, on, on and on about how much she spent on childcare. How much “harder” she had it than anyone else. Very tiresome and annoying

boozebarge · 09/03/2023 12:16

It isn’t a polite thing to say, OP, so YANBU. I often think it, especially as a number of my friends have much higher disposable income than me, but then again they work different jobs, have family money or whatever. I acknowledge it for what it is, envy, and move on without saying anything.

Ariela · 09/03/2023 12:17

User678945 · 09/03/2023 10:35

I would just respond by saying "we had to save up for it and it was worth it because we had a lovely time." Light and breezy.

Not convinced that if I gave up wine I'd be able to afford center parcs though.

Depends how much & how expensive wine you drink? £6 bottle a week = £300, 2 x £6 bottles £600, £10 bottle a week £520.

Scottishskifun · 09/03/2023 12:17

I didn't realise that centre parcs could actually be pretty reasonable for a week if done in certain weeks. Whenever I have looked it's been over 1k for a week which is crazy money to me given we travel abroad foe cheaper then that! It wasn't til I was speaking with a friend that I found out actually you can get lodges way cheaper!

Yes there is a cost of living crisis but as long as your not saying well everyone should afford a holiday then personally I think they are just being jealous.
Different people spend their money on different things!

Liorae · 09/03/2023 12:18

HaggisBurger · 09/03/2023 12:13

I truly love that a 3 night term time stay in a cabin in newly planted woods in Longford of all places has become an object of envy 😂

I don't think anyone envies it. It's more of a thinly disguised sneer that you think it's worth the price. It's the irish way.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 09/03/2023 12:19

Isn't it just because CP is so overpriced for what it is? I'm guessing people think you've got money to burn because you choose to spend it on something that strikes many as very poor value for money. At the end of the day, it's your holiday though, so if you think it's worth it, it doesn't matter in the slightest what anyone else thinks!

jays · 09/03/2023 12:20

You are not being unreasonable at all. I had to point out to a friend of mine recently, who was moaning non stop about being skint and doing the ‘it’s alright for you’ lament and who incidentally earns over three times more than me, that she did, in fact, have money, it’s just that she had spent it on things. Tbf to her she did have a ‘penny drop’ moment laughed and agreed. Sometimes people don’t actually realise that they too have disposable income, it’s just that they’ve spent it!

NotAnotherBathBomb · 09/03/2023 12:20

ilovesooty · 09/03/2023 10:16

Lots of people who don't drink or smoke have no money for luxuries and even struggle to afford basics.

It's a fact that some people have more disposable income than others.

You appear to have more money for luxuries than some of your contemparies.

This really.

The 'I have more money because I don't (insert scorned activity here) or because I work hard' is just stupid.

You have more disposable income because you are fortunate to be in a position where you have good earnings and maybe that's helped by the area where you live not costing you a fortune in rent/mortgage. Good for you!

PS: I don't consider anyone going to Center Parcs 'loaded'

NotAnotherBathBomb · 09/03/2023 12:23

PuttingDownRoots · 09/03/2023 10:33

Within a few minutes I've found midweek centreparcs trips for 2 adults and a baby for 4 nights for £350.

That is cheaper than some premier inns...

Damn it! Should have gone there instead. I'm going to IOW and the cost of the ferry alone is 2/3 that.

I don't have loads of disposable income btw, some months I earn extra and have decided this year to book a holiday. Just before Christmas I was broke! Such is life.

Cheesuswithallama · 09/03/2023 12:26

Having some disposable income shouldn't be seen as "fortunate" in developed country in 21st century....

AllOfThemWitches · 09/03/2023 12:28

Cheesuswithallama · 09/03/2023 12:26

Having some disposable income shouldn't be seen as "fortunate" in developed country in 21st century....

Neither should being able to keep warm in your house 🤷‍♀️

mondaytosunday · 09/03/2023 12:29

I'm comfortably off but it irks me a bit when a acquaintance says 'off for a cheeky weekend skiing' when I know she's been twice this season already. But I'd never say anything - her husband earns well and that's just a fact. If she then went on to complain how they 'only' managed to get away three times this year to ski I'd probably be tempted to be a bit sarcastic.

HaggisBurger · 09/03/2023 12:32

mondaytosunday · 09/03/2023 12:29

Certainly you’d be within your rights to say “please stop calling weekends away (or Nandos) “cheeky”. It makes you sound ridiculous”

AdoraBell · 09/03/2023 12:33

YANBU, it’s your money and you decide how to spend and save.

A woman I worked with years ago lived as a lodger, never smoked, never joined colleagues for a night out/coffee/lunch etc. never contributed to birthday collections but always wished Happy Birthday. When she was forty she bought a house for cash. Everyone was amazed and asked how she could afford it. She said - you smoke and go out socialising, I saved my money.

declutteringmymind · 09/03/2023 12:33

You need to stop feeling guilty or bad about it. Just own it and be proud. They'll soon shut up or fuck off.

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