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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's well for some isn't it?

109 replies

jumperoobaby · 09/03/2023 10:11

Apologies some of this may be tone deaf. I know not every one has disposable income

Myself, DH and baby DS went to centre parcs the other week for 3 nights and it was lovely.

But I've had a few friends/ family say things like 'oh isn't it well for ya' 'that place costs a fortune' 'ye must be loaded'

I 100% appreciate that the COL crisis is affecting a lot of people and this does include us. We don't have a bad income but not a anything fantastic either.

We have money for things like CP because we don't drink and I no longer smoke. I am not saying people can't/ shouldn't I used to spend anything from €100- €150 per week on drink/ cigs. We both quit alcohol about 3 years ago and I stopped smoking when I got pregnant and didn't take it back up. We are saving a fortune.

It just annoys me, those comments have come from people who I know drink/ smoke. What they spend their disposable income on is 100% up to them. As I said I used to spend loads on drink/ smokes and didn't really think anything of it and enjoyed my Saturday night out in the pubs. But no longer enjoy those things so choose to spend my money on other stuff now.

Not really sure what the questions is :

YABU - people are struggling and can't afford things like CP so you shouldn't be showing off that you can go there by putting 1 picture on SM

YANBU - You have the money because of how you choose to spend your disposable income

OP posts:
defi · 09/03/2023 10:46

Tell them you've saved money from quitting smoking and drinking to spend on your kids

Devoutspoken · 09/03/2023 10:46

And pets, they're not cheap, or cars

anythinginapinch · 09/03/2023 10:47

OP, "they" didn't "make you feel guilty". They expressed a view. That's it.

How you feel about the thoughts and assumptions which YOU make about their comments, is down to you.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 09/03/2023 10:49

However being judgey because they do choose to spend money on drink and cigarettes isn't a nice thing to do either.

How is it judgey when you're responding to them judging you?

I think OP is getting an unfairly hard time on here. Obviously, people who are in a position of having to choose whether to heat or eat are never going to afford an expensive holiday/break; but amongst people who do have similar decent amounts of disposable income, it's well off to suggest that somebody spending theirs on a holiday is 'lucky' when you choose to spend yours on fags and booze.

I honestly think that many people are completely oblivious as to how much they spend on their regular tobacco and/or alcohol fixes - or they've become so accustomed that they don't even acknowledge/realise that these are luxuries and not basics.

It's also a big psychological factor when you spend a few pounds here and there, every day, as opposed to saving it up and spending the combined amount in one big transaction. Plenty of people who willingly spend £10 a day on 20 cigarettes (do they still cost that or are they more now?) would try much harder to give up if they had to pay out £300 on pay day every month.

tregunamekoidestrecorumsatisdee · 09/03/2023 10:52

You are definitely Irish from your posts and every time CP is mentioned here people pipe up with comments like that. I wouldn't take it too personally or feel like you have to justify it.

TheConflictOnion · 09/03/2023 10:52

YANBU - I know a lot of people are struggling, but reverse-snobbery rudeness is becoming the new normal. It's sad. You shouldn't have to keep quiet about something as simple as a family holiday in order to avoid little barbs like this. They wear you down.

WandaWonder · 09/03/2023 10:53

jumperoobaby · 09/03/2023 10:33

@Oakorn chit chat would be 'isn't that nice, did you enjoy it' not making me feel guilty for going away for a weekend.

You are making yourself feel guilty you can't blame them for that

People can and do say what they like it is your choice how you think about it, don't blame them

Rainallnight · 09/03/2023 10:55

I knew as soon as I saw your subject line that this was going to be about Ireland. Begrudgery. Ignore.

DuvetDownn · 09/03/2023 10:55

i think it’s quite classic behaviour for an ex drinker or smoker to be a bit judgey of people that do drink or smoke.

the80sweregreat · 09/03/2023 10:56

TheConflictOnion · 09/03/2023 10:52

YANBU - I know a lot of people are struggling, but reverse-snobbery rudeness is becoming the new normal. It's sad. You shouldn't have to keep quiet about something as simple as a family holiday in order to avoid little barbs like this. They wear you down.

You've summed it up well!
I've been on the receiving end of this too and it makes you feel bad for just having a break or a new kitchen or whatever it is
People just can't be pleased for people anymore. It Has to be a dig of some kind

butterfliedtwo · 09/03/2023 10:59

Oakorn · 09/03/2023 10:28

Your options at the bottom are goady and you know it. YABU to think people who can’t afford holidays can’t afford them because they piss away their money on fags and booze. No one has said you aren’t allowed to go on holiday or post a picture on Facebook.

This. So much this.

Enjoy your holiday but don’t insinuate that people would be able to afford if they only spent their money on 'acceptable' things.

dontgobaconmyheart · 09/03/2023 11:00

I'm sure there are plenty who don't smoke or drink who are also in financial trouble over the cost of living.

Ultimately OP, it was a luxury, it isn't cheap and you are therefore fortunate if you can afford to save for it. It's also true that others wouldn't have a hope of doing so, whether they have vices that divert income, or not. Just because the cost of living 'affects everyone' does not mean that it's affected them equally hard.

They are BU for making passive aggressive comments about it at all regardless and YANBU for spending your own money however you like or posting about it on your own social media.

Crumpleton · 09/03/2023 11:00

It just annoys me, those comments have come from people who I know drink/ smoke

Sounds like they also have disposable income but you all just choose to spend it on different things.

Raquelos · 09/03/2023 11:00

jumperoobaby · 09/03/2023 10:33

@Oakorn chit chat would be 'isn't that nice, did you enjoy it' not making me feel guilty for going away for a weekend.

Well feeling guilty is entirely within your control. Just don't. I found when I started giving fewer fucks about what critics (or perceived critics) said, life got a whole lot simpler.

Enjoy the luxuries you can afford and nod and smile at anyone who seems to resent you having them. If you're feeling particularly magnanimous, have a fleeting moment of symp[athy for them for feeling so resentful, it must be hard work. Then move on with your day.

This might sound glib I know, but genuinely if you can adopt this strategy you will find you are much happier as you won't burden yourself with other people's shit.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 09/03/2023 11:02

i think it’s quite classic behaviour for an ex drinker or smoker to be a bit judgey of people that do drink or smoke.

Even when they're judging you first for changing how you choose to spend your own disposable income?

Even in general cases, I think that a lot of smokers and heavy drinkers are so blown away once they give up and realise how much they used to be spending on it, it comes as an epiphany and they just can't keep it to themselves. Depending on the individual, some of this may present as judginess and some may be well-meaning desperation to share the message far and wide!

Justcallmebebes · 09/03/2023 11:03

Not sure why you'd brag about a mid week break to centre parcs Confused

ClareBlue · 09/03/2023 11:05

CP in Longford is pretty good value for a young family and certainly nothing that an employed household that saves up a bit would not be able to afford. A weekend in a Hotel in Dublin with a couple of attraction visits would cost a family double. This begudery manifests itself all the time. People make some sacrifices to achieve some goal and others say they are full of themselves or don't live in the real world. You can only ignore it and enjoy what you have worked for.

Nevermind31 · 09/03/2023 11:05

“Absolutely, I saved up all the money that I would have spend on fags and booze - stopping drinking and smoking is saving us a fortune; mind, with cost of living that is quickly eaten up, but we did manage to save for CP and got a really good deal. Couldn’t afford to drink and smoke these days.”

and then leave it at that.

Porkandbeans1 · 09/03/2023 11:13

I don't know why CP holidays seem to bother people more than long haul holidays.

Ultimately OP money and topics around it bring out the worst in people. I think seeing someone save up and go on holiday when you've spent your disposable income on frivolous crap every week brings up jealousy and guilt.

AllOfThemWitches · 09/03/2023 11:16

I feel as though it's very relevant that OP is from Ireland and I've therefore missed something

the80sweregreat · 09/03/2023 11:17

I've an acquaintance who makes not so subtle comments about anything your doing, but will also spends money on things I wouldn't.
I never comment on their spending habits , but they seem to see me as fair game for a dig if they discover I'm doing something that might cost more than a few Bob !

Quitelikeit · 09/03/2023 11:28

i feel like you have beef with the person who said this

you’ve still not said who it was?

Sparklesocks · 09/03/2023 11:30

You don’t need to justify your decisions or explain why you can/can’t afford something. Just ignore it and live your life how you choose to.

Annasass · 09/03/2023 11:37

I’ve had siblings ask me if I’ve won the lottery before now. I dared buy a new suite, & take a holiday within a few weeks. They can fuck off, I’ve gone without long enough & now it’s spend til the end.

Airupnonsense · 09/03/2023 11:38

It’s just a thing to talk about how expensive centre parcs is tbh- because it is! Most of my friends are fairly affluent and when we recently went to centre parcs the first thing everyone said was “I bet that cost a bomb!” I didn’t take any kind of offence, this is just obligatory centre parcs small talk 😂