I am amazed at the amount of childcare and help nine friends of mine have received over the last decade or so. All very vocal about it.
friend 1 - parents are paying mortgage on a bigger than necessary property (5 bedrooms and they have 2 dc) also have 2 very large vehicles grandparents pay the monthly payments for.
friend 2 - grandparents paying for ft nursery for 2 dc so both parents could return to work full time. They insisted on having dc 1 year apart so grandparents were worried daughter would lose career prospects so this was the help to make sure that doesn't happen.
friend 3 - MIL is unpaid nanny from 7:30-6 pm daily and 2 evenings a week baby-sitting so parents can do hobby 1 night/week and go for date night 1 night/wk. friend 4 - dm does childcare 3 days/week and all their laundry, including cloth nappies and ironing.
friend 5- parents pay for all private school fees for 3 dc. Grandparents were miffed when they had 3rd b/c originally they felt they could only afford to do it for 1/2 of each fees of 2 dc. Daughter had 3rd and decided she couldn't go back to work with the stress of 3 so now grandparents pay for all 3 dc.
friend 6 - PIL pay for all extra curriculars for 3 dc (very expensive ones they do 5x a week), annual holiday to Disney, annual cottage rental in summer and are putting money aside to fully cover all 3 dc's Uni education. Also gave them 250k to get a 4 bed house when they decided to have 3rd dc. They are not a high income couple so grandparents were very worried when they decided to have a 3rd who ended up with a genetic condition. Grandparents are very very comfortable so decided this is what they would do to make sure grandchildren had a decent life.
friend 7 - only wanted to return to work 1.5 days a week, dc are now 13 and 9 there is no reason she couldn't work 5 days/week. She even works the nursery attached to her dc's school (only runs school hours). Her partner wanted to be an involved Dad so only works 2 days/week. Her parents pay for all the extras and sometimes the necessaries too like shoes, coats, swimming lesson fees. Both of the parents could work more.
friend 8 - only works 1 day week and is trying to be an influencer. In a very in demand industry and could get a FT or even almost FT job next week. Is moaning she's now had to go 2 days/week. They desperately want their own, detached home, so both sets of grandparents have given them 50k. Meanwhile she's gone back to work 1 day/week, despite also having credit card debt because she wants to work on social media while 2 dc are at school.
friend 9 - Grandparents bought them a house, a cottage they can use for free (it's buy to let but they let their daughter choose unlimited weeks/year), gave them their second car. Their daughter and her husband both only work 2 days/week each. Grandparents cover all extras for dc including piano lessons, swimming lessons, karate, dance.
friend 10 - One dc age 7, grandparents pay for new car every 6-8 years, two holidays annually, private medical care and whatever they can't afford which is numerous tbh. One parent works 2 days/week school hours only and one works 3 evenings/week. The one who is school hours only is always being offered more hours at work as is the one who works 3 evenings/week. They enjoy hobbies and various courses.
While I think it's lovely for gp to help and support those little luxuries that I'm sure many families appreciate, it seems odd to me to boost your adult dc to a point they are having a lifestyle funded by someone else. Can't afford a 5 bedroom home, get a 3 bedroom one. Affording 2 at nursery would mean handing over your whole wage for 2+ years, spread them further than 1 year apart (obviously slightly different if you are 40, but they were in their late 20's). You want private school but also want 3 dc, you have to make your choice. I guess I worry setting a precedent that you can have what you want funded by someone else, doesn't set people up to make good, adult, fiscally responsible decisions.
I also wonder if people who know they will inherit larger sums also don't feel the need to be as prudent? All of the friends mentioned above have boomer parents who made a lot on property and likely their adult dc will benefit enormously from that down the road setting them up well for retirement.
When I hear of situations like your friends I remember the point above and just don't feel jealousy. There is a cost to everything. It's also worth mentioning many of the grandparents above are lovely, but there's still a cost, even if it's just to them.