Grandparent support excessive?

[Biilie82]

So my friends have the best set up for childcare, there are 3 sets of grandparents and between them they cover morning childcare, getting the kids ready and taking them to school every day. They also do every pick up and watch the kids for several hours after school,give them their tea etc this is on top of doing the morning in which they arrive 2 hours before school start time.
my friend do work but there are already 2 adults in that household. it just feels excessive to me. If my friends ever go away on holiday a member of family spends days at their house, cleaning it, getting food in etc.
I can’t imagine this level of input !
maybe I’m just a jealous cow!!

I'm very jealous. We had next to no help so just stopped expecting it

Not jealous but a bit 🙄 that they can't seem to parent their own children without all these additional adults

Yes it is odd that they can't seem to parent independently.

When those children grow up there will be resentment because the parents were never there for them. The grandparents will die and the kids won't have good a bond with their own parents. (I am one of these kids!)

Worst of all - due to the lack of parental love and support from my early years. I have received 0% help with my DC from my own parents. And I expect OP's friends will be the same towards their own grandchildren in the future.

So a weird toxic generational cycle...

Sadly it was health related in my family’s case…my mum was all set up to look after my dd when she was little, but early onset Alzheimer’s hit her like a juggernaut, so the care roles were very much reversed, and the whole situation left us traumatised. My dad had a physical disability which wouldn’t have been an issue had he not had to look after mum, my FIL dropped dead 3 weeks before dd was born and MIL had alcohol issues.

I’m not ashamed to admit I was very envious of people whose kids’ grandparents could be involved in their lives

No ,just replied to your shitty comment.

Everyone has different set ups, sometimes by choice, sometimes by circumstance. It is what it is. My NDNs practically raised their grandchildren - none of them went to nursery and once they went to school the NDNs did all the school pick ups, tea etc. They enjoyed it and didn't seem to mind so great.

We have almost no familial support as we are from another country. Most of the time, it's fine. But now and again it would be so amazing if they could just step in. And the times I've had to take DS to A&E, I would have given anything to have had my mum around. But there you go. Not an option for me.

With respect that’s your situation. Doesn’t automatically apply to everyone who gets help.
Did you resent your gp’s too?
Surely you must have had a strong bond with them.

Sounds lovely and I hope to do the same for my own children despite suspecting jealous 'friends' will start threads on mumsnet trying to rubbish it.

I have neighbours like this; both sets of parents are there every single day without fail. Sometimes siblings too! Cutting the grass, taking kids to school, cleaning the windows, using up all the parking spaces.

It's my idea of hell. When do they, as a couple, ever have alone time? Their parents must know every single thing happening in their house and their relationship. The whole thing strikes me as very odd. Admittedly very judgmental of me but I just assume they can't cope with the realities of adult life. It doesn't reflect favourably on them, from my perspective.

That is a very negative interpretation! How typically mumsnet to take a nice situation and twist it to justify you not having it!

No parents, OH works away. No parents. Mostly walk a tightrope with childcare but what I miss the most isn’t the convenience of having someone to help when nursery call and I’m stuck at a cardiac arrest at work but the involvement and relationship between them 😞

You're assuming people want it. As I said, its my idea of hell. I have parents. Nice parents! Doesn't mean I want to see them every day of my life now that I'm in my 40s with a family. I don't require that level of assistance and I can't imagine why people who can manage fine would want it either. There's a difference between spending time with loved ones and having several other adults come in to help you run an average household.

Its typically mumsnet to take a differing opinion and twist it as negative and wrong. Everyone is entitled to their opinion.

Almost peculiar. Who is the parent. Do they claim grand parenting money I wonder.
The child must feel like a parcel.

I had similar from my late parents
my dad worked , my mum had retired and she was always available and happy to do childcare my son would come home on the school bus which stopped outside my parents and stay there till I could collect him

if I wanted to go on holiday with my dh my parents were always happy to have my son

I often paid and took my mum and dad on holiday as a but they would also help out with my son when away and I have happy memories of all them together .

my sister got the same with her eldest and she offers similar care to her grandson and I help out if needed .

my son and my nieces had an amazing relationship with our parents growing up

it helped that we all lived quite close to each other 10 -15 min walk so it was easy to help each other out

@Littlefaeries that's a fair point. I loved my grandparents like my own parents. My parents are now in their 70s and I don't have much of a relationship with them...

I do know that my grandparents resented my parents neediness as they wanted to enjoy their retirement but couldn't! (Which makes me feel guilty!)

And my 3 siblings couldn't be arsed with our grandparents once they were teens. So sad :( I think they felt they were old fashioned, pushy and suffocating.

Like you say though, every situation is different! 😊

I'm someone who has ZERO help. I wish I was your friend.

And all the naysays talking shite, get a grip! You whinge when GPs don't help, you whinge when they do. Can't win on mumsnet.

OP, I do think you're just jealous. Find something a bit more meaningful to divert your attention to instead of worrying about what goes on in your friend's household.

Why does it matter to anyone else? If they are all happy with the arrangements it's entirely up to them. What they do doesn't make any difference to your life.

I have a huge family but had no help because we are scattered all over the country/world. When MIL was widowed she moved into the house next door to us, physically she couldn't help out but my boys spent a lot of time at hers and had a fabulous relationship with her. She was a lovely lady, if she had been physically able she absolutely would have loved doing school runs etc and I would have been happy to let her.

The only time I have ever been jealous is of people with family support that I don't have. It does come with a very high price though.

You sound a bit jealous. I'm a bit jealous too! Now maybe I wouldn't want that much help but I'd like some.

I won't say we have no family help, there are people we can call in an emergency situation. But my mum lives 3 hours away and my ILs are in their late 70s and MIL is in poor health.

Where as in my home town I have an enormous extended family and they do all help each other out.

I understand what you're saying OP- my family are miles away and great when we see them but don't do any daily help/support. We pay an arm and a leg for childcare so I get it.
I'm sure there's a happy medium. I have friends whos parents are super involved and they all seem happy with the arrangement. When I go round I find it alien how involved they are/they know the absolute ins and outs of each others lives but I am quite a private person so I would hate that!
Overall a balance between those would be perfect!

Sounds amazing !!!!!!!!

I am insanely jealous too op, ILs are dead, siblings dead and two checked out parents was never an option for us.

I really feel for parents today. Donkeys years ago most women didn't work. Some then worked part time, a bit. And for many ( although not popular to acknowledge) they liked not working. They didn't have all this childcare arrangements to sort out. Nursery was just an option and people often used them to give themselves a break. Very professional sorts worked but not ordinary people. Then it became a thing to have two incomes. Everything shot up in price to render two incomes almost pointless. Yes women got to have more interesting lives arguably. But my, the stress is huge. There need to be a better way.

We do a fair bit of childcare for one of our daughters (the other lives further away). We're happy to do it, try not to push ourselves on them but be available if needed. No ulterior motive, no hidden agenda, they're our children and even though they have moved on with their own lives we still love them and will do what we can to help them.

Sorry will edit that a bit. Women worked until they got married and had children. Some did cleaning etc still but very part time...

I never understand why anyone would want this your just showing yourself as someone who is incapable of being a parent and an adult