Grandparent support excessive?

[Biilie82]

So my friends have the best set up for childcare, there are 3 sets of grandparents and between them they cover morning childcare, getting the kids ready and taking them to school every day. They also do every pick up and watch the kids for several hours after school,give them their tea etc this is on top of doing the morning in which they arrive 2 hours before school start time.
my friend do work but there are already 2 adults in that household. it just feels excessive to me. If my friends ever go away on holiday a member of family spends days at their house, cleaning it, getting food in etc.
I can’t imagine this level of input !
maybe I’m just a jealous cow!!

if my mum was still here, she would have written that. No strings attached loving care for her grandchildren.

I come from a culture that is very family oriented. I moved back to my own country when my kids were young. My DCs were the only GC in the family. My parents said that it was the best 10 years of their later life. I didn't need too much childcare but they were available to do unexpected pick ups , sleepovers . But my parents were included in birthdays , Sunday lunches , school plays , etc. I think my English husband struggled sometimes but he was out at working a lot . My father helped me with stuff like grass cutting and house things . I would reciprocate by helping my mother with cleaning projects or cooking extra for them so she didn't have to. Lovely if it works for you.
I do feel sorry for young families right now where childcare is crippling expensive and it usually falls to the mother to try to cover any gaps. As a childminder , I went above and beyond to accommodate parents . I think it is a good thing to support working women as previously generations had the luxury of choosing to work and not to support housing, etc.

I'm not sure it would have to be like. It might be all the benefits of multigenerational living, complete with rich family connections, well rested parents, absence of loneliness for retired grandparents, unrestricted job opportunities for the parent and children who have an abundance of attention.

Of course, it could be an unremitting hellscape.

My parents and in laws expect nothing back.

My mum does 3 pick ups and 2 tea times and my MIL does 2 pick ups and 2 tea times.

They will also have them overnight whenever asked.

This is a bit like my set up and tbh I love it and feel extremely lucky. We get a lot of ‘me’ and ‘us’ time but also lots of great time with the kids. In addition, the children ADORE their grandparents, it’s honestly lovely.
no one interferes excessively. We’re family, there’s no obligation to do anything.
we both manage to work full time and there’s no way we could do that without help from the grandparents

Isn't everybody just doing everything they can to make their lives easier and happier? Never begrudge or judge another family for doing what works for them. What we think is too much is just right for some - what we pity brings a simplicity to others. We're all just trying !

Are your friend’s parents and her DP’s parents retirement age/don’t work? My fiancé and I are expecting our first baby. Our parents are in their late 40s/very early 50s and work full time so wouldn’t be able to provide the childcare your friend has. Try not to compare your set up with your friend’s.

Ooh, I’d love this level of help from my parents – sadly too old and too dead to do it – but not if I also had to have the same from my in-laws. Plus when it’s family helping you have to accept they’ll do what they want, really. What I’d really like is to win euromillions and have staff: someone to get their shoes on in the morning and wipe the yoghurt off everything would be nice.

Sounds like my old neighbours - they basically outsourced their children to their parents - dropped at school, picked up from school, taken for the weekend, taken when dad was at gym, did all their DIY and gardening as well as coughing up for a huge extension...

Funnily enough they do do all their DIY for them and buy big items for them, such as a recent new car!

This made me laugh, they are there everyday, even when they go on holiday, they come to clean the house ready for their return. Also do laundry daily etc etc.

And again, what's it to you??? Jealousy is not a good trait OP!!

My mum comes and does some cleaning for me while I'm in. Let alone being on holiday. I didn't know that people would care so much about my life that they would give a shit

Nice if you get the help yes. I dont think its most peoples reality though. We just had to cope! I dont need babysitters now as they older. Its hard having no backup though used find that crap.

Single parent here with excessive input from the grandparents who live just along the road and do the school pick-up and drop off, ad-hoc baby sitting etc. I'm very lucky and grateful to have people who will literally drop everything and be there to help in 5min flat. It does comes with its own challenges though. It's suffocating havinh to see parents every single day of adult life, to not be able to have an off day, forget to pack the lunch or pop to the shop on the way home without having to explain or 'justify' it. I'd be lost without them but also feel my mental welbeing would benefit from a bit less input. It's hard to find your own parenting style while your own parents are ever present.

CarrieSmisher
There's no such thing as free childcare. That amount of help doesn't come without obligation.

What is your comment based on? I look after grandchild regularly and overnight once a week…there are absolutely NO obligations! Am lucky enough to have the time ,energy and motivation and do it out of love for my daughter and grandchild.

@Ozcando obviously I've based it on my experience and that of those around me. It's ok, you don't have to agree.

You said it as a blanket statement. And it isn't true at all.

@Ozcando
Every statement anyone makes is based on their experience. And in my experience it's always true. I actually don't know anyone who hasn't regretted the full scale grandparents doing childcare. And in this case, the OP's friend practically has grandparents around the clock. You might have a different experience although you do remind me of my mum.

I know I know! Not a nice trait really!

I'd be jealous too! My dd doesn't have any grandparents still alive.

Too much input from the gps... lines seem to have been crossed and blurred, I would feel stifled if I was her, not worth it IMO

It does sound that the parents are being somewhat infantilized by the grandparents. I wonder if the situation is completely by choice for the parents.

I believe it’s by choice as she chooses to contact them for things outside of school runs too and has them all come over 🤷‍♀️

dont care a huge amount, just enough to wonder if you can’t do your own cleaning…

Good point, I don’t think any of them work anymore so have a lot more free time I assume