keep the money

[lessonslearnt]

long time lurker, years ago when i was 23 l had a very intense affair with a man l met. It ended after his wife found out and threatened to dump him at my door. I didn't want this so it ended. He was more invested in it and tried to come back after the dust had settled but l said no. I regret it and put it all behind and have moved on, its 2,5yrs since. During the affair this man looked after me financially used to help me pay for some bills etc. We haven't actually seen each other but once in a while he will email/ text me not really saying anything but asking how l am and if l am happy. Anyway last week he put a large amount of money in my account, at 1st l was confused as l didn't know where it came from but on checking reference l realised it was him. I have not asked for money from him, infact l have not contacted him. I emailed him and he said it was an inheritance and wanted to share it with me as l helped him when he was down? he said not to tell his wife as she would leave but has declined to give me his details so l can send back. Whilst l am tempted to keep it l do not want to be linked to him at all. I am also afraid of his wife as she was horrible when she found out about the affair and threatened to drop him and his children at my parents door where l lived at that time. I do not wish to go through that again.

And I can guarantee the mother will regret it when another woman is smiling in pictures on days out with her children and husband.

🤣 not sure anyone regrets getting rid of a cheat sleeping w a young woman in return for paying her bills.

@HaveTheDayOff Do you really think so? If someone is the type of woman to go after a married man, I don't quite believe that 2 DCs and a man with half the cash he used to have , has quite the same allure to her.

But that's just my assumptions.

Put it into Premium Bonds with any winnings to be reinvested and forget about it. In ten years time revisit your account and make a decision then.
Ignore all comments about prostitution, it’s all bollocks. All money comes from somewhere , bank money comes from exploitation and corruption. You’ve had an unexpected windfall from a past lover, put it away and get on with your life.
And probs blocking him is a good idea.

40k? That's some holiday fund

Keep the money and think no more of it. Don't be dragged into any moral soul searching. Enjoy your new car and perhaps a new designer bag.

“Why on earth would you consider keeping it?!
You almost wrecked a marriage by having an affair with him, and now you are "tempted" to keep the money he is trying to hide from his wife.”

HE almost wrecked HIS marriage.

Don't get involved with his silly games. Speak to your bank about reversing the transaction first.

If that does not work I suggest you speak to a lawyer and get them to write to him enclosing a cheque for the amount (less their fees).

Stating something along the lines of this is not your money, you do not want it, and it is nothing to do with you, and that you have told him this, attempted to return the funds and been unable to.

Arms length, cold, all business make it clear he is not to contact you again. Block him on all channels.

Do not keep the money. That would be a mistake.

Do not keep the money. You were silly enough to have an affair with a married man the first time round. Don't get involved with it all again. Whether he says it's just a thank you or not, it's still a way of keeping you around.

You could give some to me, I'll happily take it, I'm a widowed parent with £1.20 to my name! Haha 😏

I am also afraid of his wife as she was horrible when she found out about the affair and threatened to drop him and his children at my parents door where l lived at that time.

Okay and? Glad you're afraid of her. You weren't bothered before when you were sleeping with her husband. No wonder she was horrible to you. You can't have expected she'd be nice and chatty. Reverse the transaction.

Once you have managed to get rid of this money, either by reversing the transaction or sending it back to him or whatever, BLOCK him on every means possible. Why are you even allowing him to email you?

Read the thread again. She took her husband back I was commenting on a mother threatening to dump her kids with a mistress. Unhinged behaviour!

I wouldn’t use my kids as a threat to keep a cheating husband. We all have standards and that’s where mine are.

You misunderstand me. He could have the kids and her.

I'd have my freedom back.

While I don't condone it, I do have to give the OP a bit of sympathy and understanding. She was young and naive at the time and I think when we are young we often feel invincible and make stupid decisions. Sleeping with a married man would be one of them, but she sounds like she's grown up a bit in the couple years since the relationship ended.

I would agree that I wouldn't want to get involved with him or his family ever again and simply try to reverse the transaction with the bank. Obviously the man's wife knows what has happened back then, and has chosen to take him back. I'd leave the family alone and not mention it to the wife as some other posters have suggested. What's the point? What will it achieve other than cause the family more turmoil and pain - especially the 3 children.

My guess is he saw the giving you money as part of your relationship before, and so he's trying to lure you back in by giving you more.

This was my first thought as well.

I thought this too.

Does your new partner know about this money? What does he think

unlike others here as you have electronic evidence of him telling you to keep the money then I probably would but I would tell my partner about it!!!

Send it back, then get a new bank account!

If you keep this money he is 100% going to try and cash in on it at a later date, asking for it back or asking to crash on your sofa or whatever.

Have nothing to do with this waste of space who puts the desires of his penis above the wellbeing of his wife and children.

Have you ever read 'The Monkey's Paw' by W W Jacobs? Windfalls generaly come with a terrible price to pay!

That should read 'often' rather than 'generally'...
With, or without the spelling error!

Can’t believe people saying keep the money. He’s a married man with kids ffs. The money could well be his wife’s or come from god knows where. Or what about being invested in his kids future? The fact that he is seemingly a piece of shit isn’t OP’s fault, but by taking his money youd joining him in the gutter. I’m shocked how many people would keep the money.

Another vote for keep it! It feels like a lot of money to you but it’s probably not what they would even notice so just keep it- put it into a bank account separately for a while. Then if a year passes without incident you can spend it.