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Original poster

keep the money

135 replies

lessonslearnt · 07/03/2023 16:32

long time lurker, years ago when i was 23 l had a very intense affair with a man l met. It ended after his wife found out and threatened to dump him at my door. I didn't want this so it ended. He was more invested in it and tried to come back after the dust had settled but l said no. I regret it and put it all behind and have moved on, its 2,5yrs since. During the affair this man looked after me financially used to help me pay for some bills etc. We haven't actually seen each other but once in a while he will email/ text me not really saying anything but asking how l am and if l am happy. Anyway last week he put a large amount of money in my account, at 1st l was confused as l didn't know where it came from but on checking reference l realised it was him. I have not asked for money from him, infact l have not contacted him. I emailed him and he said it was an inheritance and wanted to share it with me as l helped him when he was down? he said not to tell his wife as she would leave but has declined to give me his details so l can send back. Whilst l am tempted to keep it l do not want to be linked to him at all. I am also afraid of his wife as she was horrible when she found out about the affair and threatened to drop him and his children at my parents door where l lived at that time. I do not wish to go through that again.

OP posts:
FeltCarrot · 07/03/2023 17:43

How much money? Hundreds/Thousands?

mrsbitaly · 07/03/2023 17:45

Its pretty bad he has children and that could be used towards their future but instead he's continuing to betray his wife with these actions. I know it may be tempting but I would find a way to return it otherwise it will come to bite you on the arse

Original poster
lessonslearnt · 07/03/2023 17:47

I hadn't considered that maybe he is hiding the money, l have to reverse the payment and get rid. I never want to be involved with him and his wife again.

OP posts:
Farmageddon · 07/03/2023 17:52

lessonslearnt · 07/03/2023 17:22

Sorry l don't know how to tag everyone, l am in a relationship now and it's going well, we are hoping to try for children soon. I have no desire to revisit that chapter again, like l said l am afraid of the wife and would not want to speak to her ever. If it wasn't this l would send it to her but she will accuse me of being a homewrecker.I like the charity thing, if I decide on this l will let him know l don't want him to think l kept it tempting as it might be. I will google reverse payments. Its a lot of money to give someone and l think if l keep it he will want more. His children are 18, 16 and 13

Of course his wife was angry and lashing out, don't you have any empathy for the fact that your participation in the affair contributed to her pain?

A few years down the line if you have children with your partner and he ends up having an affair with a younger woman and plying her with family money, don't you think you would be angry too? Or do you think that will never happen to you? I'm sure she did too once...

Original poster
lessonslearnt · 07/03/2023 17:53

Greensleeves l am not married but we are talking about the future, l am nearly 26 now. I am certainly not in a rush but this relationship feels right.

I will contact my bank tomorrow, don't want to be dragged into his affairs

For those asking how much its thousands enough to buy a vw tiguan( hoping to get that in future with my own money (

OP posts:
FrenchandSaunders · 07/03/2023 17:55

2.5 years isn’t years ago! I thought you meant 25!!

Cheekyandfreaky · 07/03/2023 17:55

lessonslearnt · 07/03/2023 17:53

Greensleeves l am not married but we are talking about the future, l am nearly 26 now. I am certainly not in a rush but this relationship feels right.

I will contact my bank tomorrow, don't want to be dragged into his affairs

For those asking how much its thousands enough to buy a vw tiguan( hoping to get that in future with my own money (

This is weirdly specific.

KenAddams · 07/03/2023 18:04

lessonslearnt · 07/03/2023 17:53

Greensleeves l am not married but we are talking about the future, l am nearly 26 now. I am certainly not in a rush but this relationship feels right.

I will contact my bank tomorrow, don't want to be dragged into his affairs

For those asking how much its thousands enough to buy a vw tiguan( hoping to get that in future with my own money (

Strange way to say how much u got 😂😂😂

iklboo · 07/03/2023 18:16

Speak to your bank OP- see if you can get his details that way?

There's no way the bank would give OP his bank details is there? Wouldn't it be a massive GDPR breach?

IMustDoMoreExercise · 07/03/2023 18:24

iklboo · 07/03/2023 18:16

Speak to your bank OP- see if you can get his details that way?

There's no way the bank would give OP his bank details is there? Wouldn't it be a massive GDPR breach?

She doesn't need the details. The bank can just reverse the transaction. I had to do this at work when a customer paid us a large amount by mistake and it was easier than setting up a payment to refund them.

Justleaveitblankthen · 07/03/2023 18:32

So your 'affair' with him was more of a sugar Daddy scenario OP?
Sorry if that offends, but he is patently trying to wheedle his way back to the 'arrangement.'

He's an idiot if he's trying to hide inheritance by the way! Her solicitors will be onto him like a shot will view with interest large transactions headed your way and you may find yourself named as a 3rd party.

Jeez louise, his eldest child isn't much younger than you really.. Shouldn't he be helping his own children financially first, especially the ones at Uni/college ages?

Slimeball

EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 07/03/2023 18:32

Reverse doesn't breach GDPR as it's done internally by the bank. There may be time limits on this...if they can't reverse it OP I'd be considering contacting him and saying either he gives you his bank details or you're going to give it to a charity. It all sounds very dodgy.

Noicant · 07/03/2023 18:35

Talk to your bank and get them to reverse the transaction and then ask if you can block that account sending you anything. Not going to comment on how you got here, people make mistakes, hope you learned from yours.

TomatoSandwiches · 07/03/2023 18:36

I'd take it out and post it to his wife with a print out of the transaction he made to you and a very sincere letter of apology.

Sassyfox · 07/03/2023 18:36

This is weirdly specific.

Obviously it’s something that OP really wants and as soon as she saw the money her first thought was probably that she could actually afford it now.

There’s something specific I really want and I know I’d think the same.

My sensible head would then take over but I think most of us would have a quick daydream about what the money could be spent on.

TommyJoesMummy · 07/03/2023 18:42

I’ll take it! I’m not too proud to accept a handout when my bills keep bouncing.
You can message him and say you’ve given it away to someone less fortunate. Win win!
😁

SchoolTripDrama · 07/03/2023 18:43

Honestly, I'd take it! Buy yourself the VW Tiguan & a holiday and think of it as repayment for the shit he put you through!

slashlover · 07/03/2023 18:44

We haven't actually seen each other but once in a while he will email/ text me not really saying anything but asking how l am and if l am happy.

Why have you not blocked him in the last 2 1/2 years?

GoodChat · 07/03/2023 18:50

Was the reference VW Tiguan by any chance?

BIGB00BS · 07/03/2023 18:53

I would 100% keep it!!

Holliegee · 07/03/2023 18:55

I’d leave it where it is for now as I’d see what happens.

Shouldershrugger · 07/03/2023 18:57

Keep the money and put it away. You never know when you might need it.

Patbutchersearrings1 · 07/03/2023 18:58

Why don't you ask him for a cheeky monthly allowance or send him my way, I fancy some free money haha 😆 every little helps

Sheisperfect · 07/03/2023 18:59

TommyJoesMummy · 07/03/2023 18:42

I’ll take it! I’m not too proud to accept a handout when my bills keep bouncing.
You can message him and say you’ve given it away to someone less fortunate. Win win!
😁

Lmao I second this. I'll take it off your hands OP 🤗

NellietheElephantpackedhertrunks · 07/03/2023 18:59

I would keep it but put it into a separate account for a few years, just in case 💰