DH and his big washing day…

[99problemsincludinghavingteenagedaughters]

Family of 5 for context.

DH doesn’t often do a wash (unless he needs something specific for work) that’s my department, no moans on this as DH does other stuff and with 3 DD’s has no idea what belongs to who.

DH does sometimes have a flurry of excitement that he must take over the washing and prove that it’s not as hard as it looks and insists that he is being very helpful.

Yesterdays flurry came off the back of our tumble dryer not working and quite a back log of washing to get through and a work day at home for him.

Credit where credits due he did get the tumble dryer working and I left for work with with his 1st load on…

Skip 8 hours to me getting back from work and I came back to what can only be described as an old laundry, there were clothes everywhere, on radiators (fine) on back of chairs, up the bannisters, over the top of drawers, and doors we also discovered that DH isn’t particularly good at telling the difference from loads that are dry or damp and had piles of clothes everywhere from the tumble dryer. I bit my tongue though even when DD1 moaned about all her damp Nike socks and DH told her to hang around her bunk bed!!

It came to a head this morning when DH obviously very delighted with his successful washing day (as I couldn’t find a fucking thing and had girls moaning that all their tights were damp and found my makeup bag under a dumped white wash on the floor) asked if I had any dark things as he was putting on another wash before we left for work and I truly lost my shit with him.

Apparently the way I wash isn’t fast enough his way is much better and I should be grateful.

AIBU to think what he is is doing is not “doing a wash” putting it in the machine and half drying it and leaving it in mixed damp piles all over the house for me to sort is not at all fucking helpful and further more illogical as most of it will end up smelling and need to be rewashed.

I don't care how lighthearted this thread is, I cannot believe all of you cheerfully discussing how incompetent and generally useless your partners are. I cannot think of anything less attractive and / or sexy than this level of wilfull stupidity.

We have a rule either let the other person do it Or do it yourself.

My DH does the washing....its a HUGE production cumulating in hours in front of the TV sorting out each persons laundry. We have clothes hanging around on 3 clothes horses all week!

BUT he does it, and I keep stum.

My DH is good he won't ever hang washing but we have a heat pump Tumble dryer. Mostly everything gets shoved in I don't even have a washing line outside.

Except they’re annual jobs, and washing needs to be done regularly. I’m not sure sorting the car once a year is comparable to washing and drying everyone’s clothes every single week!

Exactly. And it seems to be a regular theme on here. DH does his fair share and then it transpires it's one-off things or easy jobs 'the bins' 'the insurance' 'the cars' and 'all the DIY' (unspecified what the DIY is or how much of it is required)that in no way compare to the drudgery of washing, ironing, cleaning and so on.

I am also reminded of a post where the poster's husband said he could pack much more quickly than she could, and would prove it for their next holiday. He then told her to lay out everything that needed to be packed...

She said nope, that's all part of the packing, plus ensuring that anything the kids have just used, sports kit/ swimwear and so on is also washed and dried ready to be packed. 😁

100%. I’d lose a lot of respect for my husband if he couldn’t figure out how to wash and dry clothes effectively.

This thread is horrifying. It's like feminism never existed.

I'm not sure what's worse. The incompetence of the men or the cheerful acceptance of it by their female partners. To quote a MN cliche, this would absolutely be a deal breaker for me. I certainly wouldn't find it funny or endearing.

I am glad OH takes little part in the laundry process.
He will hang out ( although badly) stuff outside or bring it in if I ask, but otherwise that's my domain.
With no tumble drier like others the rate I do laundry is determined by drying capacity.
I don't wash more than I know I can dry quickly without having musty damp washing hanging all over the house.

To be fair there are tips and tricks that take time to work out or someone else shows us.
Like trousers dry much quicker inside out, doubling or quadrupling waist bands over a clothes line mean they will not dry, that dark t shirts are best line dried inside out to prevent fading, that the sun can be used to remove stains. Heavy stuff will dry quicker if spun twice.
Shirts won't need ironed if dried on a coat hanger, if using radiators to dry stuff make sure nothing actually touches the wall or you may damage paint/lift wallpapaper.

Some of that I learned as a child, most I worked out as an adult
My OH was never shown as a child, didn't have a chance to learn, and although lived alone for many years as an adult lived in flats and would use the launderette.

Well then the fact that he didn’t learn was down to him, wasn’t it? He chose to use a laundrette rather than figure it out for himself. It’s funny how most women manage to learn and a lot of men seem not to be able to?
No one taught me as a child either. Or my DH. In fact he had a housekeeper as a child who did literally everything for him. He’s now fully able to wash and dry clothes though.

That's a pretty pathetic argument @speakout Laundry doesn't exactly take the brains of Einstein for a fully grown adult who can presumably drive and hold down a job without a a woman to help him along the way. And how have these men got to middle age without working out these 'tips and tricks' for themselves, like all the women here have?

Same in our house. DH also likes to announce that he ”needs” x item fir tonight / tomorrow. And he would honestly just wash that item... Never includes socks & jocks, either. Don’t think I’ve ever complained to him about having no knickers, but it’s my problem if he has run out. His version of hanging always involves bunched sleeves & balled socks...

I can identify with the “all or nothing” approach. either nothing is done for 2 weeks or alternatively it ALL needs to be done RIGHT NOW. Why?

there are only 2 of us and the dog. It’s not that hard!

Why not just put a load on every couple of days? Hand out until dry, put away, put another one on when drying space appears.

Yes, men often like a bit of "performative housework" don't they? Usually getting in everyones way and providing a running commentary. The "you should be grateful" comment rings true.

Dh's is to wash the pots once in a blue moon. This has to be accompanied by the radio blaring at 100 decibels, things being clanked and dropped into the sink/onto the quartz worktop and then everything being left in a precarious pile (usually with bits of food still on) left for me to dry (he insists he's leaving it to "drain" but this will go on into the next day).

Its also know as strategic incompetence (so you don't ever ask them to do anything ever again).

I couldn't be doing with the washing hanging everywhere, no, I'd lose my shit over that.

Mine goes nowhere near the laundry. His pants drawer is regularly filled with clean stuff by the washing fairy and clean sheets and towels appear as if by magic. He’s shit at it and I don’t want him to do it. BUT he does all the cooking, he bakes all our bread and I never touch the mop or the hoover. Seems fair enough to me. It’s called playing to your strengths.

Yes absolutely this. My OH will say "I did the washing FOR YOU" (ignoring the fact that 90% of it is his or our son's) and look like he's expecting a gold star. For bunging the washing in and turning it on, then either bunging it in the tumble dryer and leaving it in a crumpled heap, or hanging it out on the line in such a way that everything needs ironing (I have shown him how countless times). And if he does put stuff away it's in the wrong rooms. I get that it's confusing with the girls, but he puts my granny knickers in my son's drawer!

We’re pretty similar, I can’t remember the last time I vacuumed or cooked a meal. He also does most of the washing up, and he’s a stickler for doing it properly. No complaints here. Towels are on the line in the sun at the moment, ready for me to hang on an airer to completely dry off. Coloureds were washed and dried yesterday. That’s my job, as is cleaning the bathroom.

We’re twins @Seymour5! The bathrooms are mine too.

This is like my do.
Ceremoniously announces he’s going to cut the grass, like he’s about to climb Mount Everest. But leaves all the borders for some magic fairy to do.

Yes we have this with washing at the moment aswell.
I will only wash as much as I know can be dried that day.
Dh doesn’t concider this. We currently have every ( wooden ) chair in the dining room and kitchen with something flung over it to dry. Current internal temperature 9degrees.
( I note wooden chair as you shouldn’t put wet stuff over wood🤯)

dh never considers the next stage. Drying, folding, sorting. Same as cutting the borders 🙃

Blimey, lucky you with the weather. We’ve just had snow.

Haha! Can very well relate with the "done for you" element. It's 21st century, it takes 2 minutes to sort the laundry into piles and add products to the machine... while muggings here spends 2 hours ironing and 5.5 hours pairing socks! Not that I don't appreciate the effort it's just the "done for you" part that annoys me.

I think this is all about the illusion that an element of housework can ever be 'done' - it's a constant, endless grinding reality that is never finished.

I can see why someone who didn't usually do it might think 'I can blitz this in a day, box ticked!' instead of 'this must become part of who I am in all my waking hours'

So these are the infamous ’learned incompetence husbands’ that they make articles about.

No it doesn't take brains, just a bit of thought or practice. My OH is competent in many other areas, does a great deal of cooking, most of the dishes/clearing the kitchen, all the food shopping, he just hasn't had the chance to clue himself up on washing clothes.

Laundry is ( one of the few) household tasks that I actually enjoy, and I am at home all day, so it makes sense for me to do the laundry

I can sympathise with this. An utter ballache. I’ve come home and been able to hear the tumble dryer going and I just know he’s bunged something in he shouldn’t. He is banned from the washing until it’s sunny enough for it all to be hung outside.