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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH and his big washing day…

311 replies

99problemsincludinghavingteenagedaughters · 07/03/2023 08:46

Family of 5 for context.

DH doesn’t often do a wash (unless he needs something specific for work) that’s my department, no moans on this as DH does other stuff and with 3 DD’s has no idea what belongs to who.

DH does sometimes have a flurry of excitement that he must take over the washing and prove that it’s not as hard as it looks and insists that he is being very helpful.

Yesterdays flurry came off the back of our tumble dryer not working and quite a back log of washing to get through and a work day at home for him.

Credit where credits due he did get the tumble dryer working and I left for work with with his 1st load on…

Skip 8 hours to me getting back from work and I came back to what can only be described as an old laundry, there were clothes everywhere, on radiators (fine) on back of chairs, up the bannisters, over the top of drawers, and doors we also discovered that DH isn’t particularly good at telling the difference from loads that are dry or damp and had piles of clothes everywhere from the tumble dryer. I bit my tongue though even when DD1 moaned about all her damp Nike socks and DH told her to hang around her bunk bed!!

It came to a head this morning when DH obviously very delighted with his successful washing day (as I couldn’t find a fucking thing and had girls moaning that all their tights were damp and found my makeup bag under a dumped white wash on the floor) asked if I had any dark things as he was putting on another wash before we left for work and I truly lost my shit with him.

Apparently the way I wash isn’t fast enough his way is much better and I should be grateful.

AIBU to think what he is is doing is not “doing a wash” putting it in the machine and half drying it and leaving it in mixed damp piles all over the house for me to sort is not at all fucking helpful and further more illogical as most of it will end up smelling and need to be rewashed.

OP posts:
thelinkisdead · 07/03/2023 22:17

Brefugee · 07/03/2023 10:37

I'm out. You all have such low expectations of partners. It's quite depressing.

The equivalent in our house is my DH "mowing the lawn" which means just that, not cleaning and putting away the mower, sweeping up the cuttings etc etc. Which is why after me telling him what "mowing the lawn" actually is, it is my job. and he does other things.

You’ve just given me a horrific reminder of what’s to come this summer. My husband ‘mows’ the lawn but his talents really lie in getting grass to grow EVERYWHERE it’s not meant to: the patio, the gravel, the borders, the pots… You name it, we get grass growing there. The garden is a blanket of green after he’s finished. It’s the most stressful thing ever

Yogazmum · 07/03/2023 22:24

lanthanum · 07/03/2023 09:12

It's not just mine then. If I go away for a week, he'll do the washing, hang it up, but not take anything off the rail in the airing cupboard, so there will be two or three loads squashed in there not quite dry!

Are we married to the same bloke? 🤣
I put a wash on the maiden before I went away last week.
Came home from my work trip to find DH had washed all his work stuff… but instead of clearing the damp washing I had put out and putting it in the airing cupboard, he had just shoved it all
to the end of maiden arms & put his wet wash next to it 🙄

Zerrin13 · 07/03/2023 22:35

This is precisely why my husband has never done a single load of washing in 20 years

Weallhaveavoice · 08/03/2023 03:10

Yogazmum · 07/03/2023 22:24

Are we married to the same bloke? 🤣
I put a wash on the maiden before I went away last week.
Came home from my work trip to find DH had washed all his work stuff… but instead of clearing the damp washing I had put out and putting it in the airing cupboard, he had just shoved it all
to the end of maiden arms & put his wet wash next to it 🙄

Show quote history

What’s a maiden….I’m imagining some poor maid of all work standing there day and night like a scarecrow 😂😂

Led9519 · 08/03/2023 03:24

Weallhaveavoice · 08/03/2023 03:10

What’s a maiden….I’m imagining some poor maid of all work standing there day and night like a scarecrow 😂😂

Show quote history

It’s northern for clothes airer!

mathanxiety · 08/03/2023 03:36

YANBU

It's not actually funny, though you've tried to keep it light.

I'd be tempted to leave a mixed pile of dry and damp clothes of his in a heap on the bedroom floor next time you wash. He can't complain, right? Even if he can't find a dry shirt to wear...

The point of doing a load of laundry is to end up with clothes that are:
Clean.
No colours run into other items.
Dry.
Folded or ironed.
Returned to their rightful owner.

Any result that falls short of this is called:
Making work for someone else.
Incompetence.
Baffling when an adult has done it.

Yes, I would be angry. This is a grown man who has surely seen what the proper result of putting on a load of laundry should look like. That he is insisting his performance was acceptable is troubling. That's why I'd make a complete balls of the next load you put on for him and see if he's happy with the result.

bizzywiththefizzy · 08/03/2023 04:44

Yeah I have to say if your washing machine breaks down don't let your Husband take the laundry to the Launderette . Everything will get thrown in on the hottest wash available and your entire wardrobe ruined .
Oh and don't let him take the duvet either 'cos he will put it on a wash nip to the pub while the wash finishes and someone nicks it .😮

Brefugee · 08/03/2023 07:11

Any result that falls short of this is called:
Making work for someone else.

that is something that needs to be pointed out to the people who are doing it.

ReneBumsWombats · 08/03/2023 07:33

Zerrin13 · 07/03/2023 22:35

This is precisely why my husband has never done a single load of washing in 20 years

He knows.

ChilliHeelerFanClub · 08/03/2023 10:18

Solmum1964 · 07/03/2023 15:42

But why not just fold it as you put it in the bags? It really doesn't take much longer.

Show quote history

I know that would be more sensible wouldn’t it 😂 but then I’d probably have to put it all away too so it didn’t get scrambled again and before you know it it’s going to take 45 min (remember I’m doing too many loads at once so there’s mountains) and easier to go “I’ll just do that later”!

Stormyweathr · 08/03/2023 11:00

I am with you on this my OH went on about how the washing is a easy task. He does a manual labour job so his clothes have to be washed daily (along with the clothes he changes into when he comes home and then clothes he wears for bed) and for years I struggled everyday trying to get them dry, he always insisted the drier wasn’t to be used as it shrinks his clothes. In the end I got fed up of him telling me it was a easy task so I left it upto to him to do just his own washing

it’s now annoyed me as he is doing his own washing absolutely fine with no issues however everything is going into the drier. For years I struggled and now he does his own and the drier is all of a sudden ok!!!

Somebodiesmother · 08/03/2023 11:02

bizzywiththefizzy · 08/03/2023 04:44

Yeah I have to say if your washing machine breaks down don't let your Husband take the laundry to the Launderette . Everything will get thrown in on the hottest wash available and your entire wardrobe ruined .
Oh and don't let him take the duvet either 'cos he will put it on a wash nip to the pub while the wash finishes and someone nicks it .😮

The way to stop this happening is not to marry a useless dickhead.

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 08/03/2023 11:30

it’s now annoyed me as he is doing his own washing absolutely fine with no issues however everything is going into the drier. For years I struggled and now he does his own and the drier is all of a sudden ok!!!

Have you ever raised this with him? What was his response?

DilemmaDelilah · 08/03/2023 13:27

Smug face here 😊 The one thing my retired DH does reliably and well is the washing! My one issue is that he doesn't like putting it on the line in the summer and prefers to use the tumble dryer. We have a very energy efficient tumble dryer and solar panels so it costs very little to do that - but I would still prefer to dry things on the line when the weather is nice.

MrsPetty · 08/03/2023 17:59

I don’t live with my DH. We live in different countries apart from during school holidays. This is the reason I love our arrangement 😂

Middleagedspreadisreal · 08/03/2023 18:01

How old are your girls? Can't they take responsibility for their own laundry?

Completelydonechick · 08/03/2023 18:07

I never let my OH near the washing, it is a disaster! No concept whatsoever for different loads! And don’t get me started on not individualising those octopus ikea hangers and matching socks…… I wish I didn’t care so much 🥴

CaptainNelson · 08/03/2023 18:15

This is the best International Women's Day solidarity I've felt all day. Thank you MN

Learningstill · 08/03/2023 18:20

He really is doing his best and obviously is pleased to be able to be a good husband. Sometimes I would love DH to do the things I do, but then I remember the things he does do such as check the drains and clear if necessary - yuk what a job, collect garden rubbish, doing car things and cook my dinners plus so much more (and no he’s not for sale)! Ultimately it’s a partnership and we all play to our strengths. Admire him for trying to help.

WaddleAway · 08/03/2023 18:33

Learningstill · 08/03/2023 18:20

He really is doing his best and obviously is pleased to be able to be a good husband. Sometimes I would love DH to do the things I do, but then I remember the things he does do such as check the drains and clear if necessary - yuk what a job, collect garden rubbish, doing car things and cook my dinners plus so much more (and no he’s not for sale)! Ultimately it’s a partnership and we all play to our strengths. Admire him for trying to help.

Admire him for trying to help.

That sounds like you’re talking about a toddler.

7vio · 08/03/2023 19:07

I’d be p*ssed off too 😆
I know I probably sound very 1950th but I tell my husband off for sticking his nose into certain things - laundry, trying to reorganize my kitchen cabinets (he calls it “tiding up!), etc. I am Eastern European so not used to a guy touching things like that! I tell him off and say how would he liked if I went and started messing up his toolbox or reorganizing his shed (which actually need a re-organizing and I will probably get to it once the weather starts getting warmer!)

Axcis · 08/03/2023 19:38

Lol. My husband has been forbidden from doing the laundry for nearly 20 years after one incident where he piled the washing "to dry" over chair backs. About 6 items high. The chairs grew mould.

Heresthelinkthen · 08/03/2023 19:42

My partner also believes that ‘doing the washing’ ends at shoving it in the tumble drier. There is nothing more infuriating thank coming home to piles of clothes on the dining table/ok the stairs etc and someone with their chest puffed out expecting praise for it!

Dizzybet74 · 08/03/2023 19:59

Same happens in our house. Never just a regular load that's able to be dried, always more than one and hung everywhere. And don't even get me started on the hanging, all creased up so sections stay damp, and ... You guessed it,... Then need washing again as gone smelly!

supersop60 · 08/03/2023 20:01

Another one here whose DP is obsessed with having an empty laundry basket.
Damp clothes put on top of dry ones, sleeves not unfurled, and worst of all - he has his own wash basket, and every so often 'jumps the laundry queue' by putting just his washing in the machine, when DD and DS have work clothes that are waiting to be done.