To think its time to get rid of personal titles ie. Miss, Mrs, Ms?

[jumpingbean1810]

I was ordering something in a shop the other day and the assistant, in her 20s, was putting my details into their system. She said, I hate asking this, I find it so embarrassing but are you Miss, Ms or Mrs? I replied I'm Miss. I was there with my daughter so in that one exchange I'd divulged I was a single, unmarried parent. It's not information the shop needs for me to order a lamp. And if I was a man, they'd be Mr and none the wiser as to marital status. I know I could say Ms but does any married woman really use Ms? So Ms just ends up sounding like a Miss with issues. It got me thinking why do we need personal titles, how often are they really used anyway? Can they not just be scrapped from form filling? With the increasing desire by the younger generation to not even be defined by gender, identifying women by their marital status feels so outdated. It's international women's day tomorrow and in the spirit of embracing equity, isn't it time we abolished women being defined by marital status?

I get that often it's just not needed anymore but I'm a teacher so am literally known with my title (Miss). However it's shocking that nobody can get it right! I'm Ms on one system (I'm not nor have I even been married) and on paper work my boss wrote, he put Mrs! Honestly, one single term would be preferable just like they have now introduced in France.

I have been married for 30 years. When I got married I did change from Miss to Mrs - it was far more the ‘done’ thing then, and seemed like the natural choice for me. Along with changing my surname, it signalled an important change in my life. It was part of my commitment to dh and to our marriage.

I had and still have very low self esteem, and never had many boyfriends, so yes, it did make me happy that I found someone who saw me - and still liked me enough to marry me - so it may be shallow, but I was happy to declare that at least one person in the world liked me.

Now, with 30 years of being Mrs under my belt, I don’t want to change - it would feel as if I was detaching myself from dh and our dses, and I don’t want to do that.

But as I have said, I do think that more choice is important, and that if people have more choice, some more old fashioned titles will fade away. But I would say again - I think gradual change, that happens with the agreement of the people affected is better than imposing a sudden change with no regard for people’s feelings.

I must add that I'm not keen on Ms as not a single pupil can pronounce it - everyone is labelled Miss by them anyway, and I also don't like the suggestion that I'm married.

I had a 20-something phone shop assistant at Tesco insist to me that I didn't mean to use Ms, as that was only for widows! Nothing would change his mind but I insisted on using Ms anyway! I have always used Ms as an adult and use it with my maiden name now that I'm married...

"They" can though.

There is literally nothing to stop any adult woman calling herself Mrs if she wants to, as @Onnabugeisha says.

I didn't call myself Mrs before I was married because, like it or not, 99% of society will interpret it as a signal that you are married and I wouldn't want to have to answer questions about my non-existent husband and explain that I wasn't actually married and never had been but just wanted to call myself Mrs, and I haven't called myself Mrs since being married, because my marital status is none of anyone else's bloody business.

But married women cannot actually gatekeep the title "Mrs", even if in reality almost no never-married women actually use it.

Isn't Mx a statement that you don't consider yourself to be either a man or a woman?

The answer is for 'Ms' to become the only option for women, like 'Mr' for men. For this to happen, more women like you need to adopt it and decide to use it.

I agree with this sentiment and have used the title 'Ms' and have done so for 26 years since becoming divorced as I didn't want to revert back to 'Miss'.

I used Ms before and after marriage. Didn’t change my name. I agree the whole thing is mad and outdated. We should just have Miss for children (like Master) and Ms for adult women (like Mr). No one needs to know your marital status, or if they do they can ask!

YANBU
All men are Mr so why do we distinguish between married and unmarried women.
People constantly get it wrong. I am married and have been called Miss and have heard unmarried colleagues being called Mrs 🤷‍♀️.

Threads like this just get on my wick. As women, as people in this modern world can we just not accept what we make as personal choices?! I wanted to be Mrs when married for my own personal reasons. It mattered to me and me alone. Do I get offended when called miss or ms. No. Because I have enough confidence in my self identity to not be defined by a few letters, but am empowered by knowing it is my choice alone.

Just say Ms if asked no worries

What popicock about the Doctor title. It isn’t only linked to the medical profession. And surgeons are Mr.

Surgeons are also Mrs, Miss and Ms!

"Missus" is definitely a generic term for an older lady- think a scallywag kid told off for playing in the street "Alright Missus!"

They don't care if the older lady is married or not, they'd still call he "Mrs".

you are not even Mademoiselle as a child now.

@GoldDuster
I did mean to include mixed-race in my list of irrelevant traits. Undesirable is your perception

No need for a coherent rebuttal. People can post what they like and people can engage with what they like. You don’t get to say what’s important enough to post about and what isn’t. You care so much about something you claim is irrelevant that you’ve now taken the time to comment at least twice. Maybe have some biscuits with your tea.

I have always been Ms, and remember when it first came into use, an equivalent to “Mr”.
I appreciate a title as it seems v informal, even rude, not to use it.
As for pronunciation, I make it clear I am Ms, not Miss.
To each his own….

By referring to yourself as 'Miss", you are not divulging anything. I have been married and have called myself Miss my entire life.

I used to do the typing of shareholder mail out envelopes as a junior pa (showing my age here) and I would use Ms regardless. Your shop assistant, if she hates asking, could just do the same…

YABU for being aware of the inequality and not using Ms. It’s a simple remedy.

Married and use Ms. Sometimes banks and other such institutions make up their own minds but I use Ms.

There is no legal basis to Miss, Mrs, Ms - just pick whichever you prefer. It's purely convention that Mrs denotes a married women, once it was just an adult woman.

Absolutely agree!

I sometimes lie and say Dr