To think its time to get rid of personal titles ie. Miss, Mrs, Ms?

[jumpingbean1810]

I was ordering something in a shop the other day and the assistant, in her 20s, was putting my details into their system. She said, I hate asking this, I find it so embarrassing but are you Miss, Ms or Mrs? I replied I'm Miss. I was there with my daughter so in that one exchange I'd divulged I was a single, unmarried parent. It's not information the shop needs for me to order a lamp. And if I was a man, they'd be Mr and none the wiser as to marital status. I know I could say Ms but does any married woman really use Ms? So Ms just ends up sounding like a Miss with issues. It got me thinking why do we need personal titles, how often are they really used anyway? Can they not just be scrapped from form filling? With the increasing desire by the younger generation to not even be defined by gender, identifying women by their marital status feels so outdated. It's international women's day tomorrow and in the spirit of embracing equity, isn't it time we abolished women being defined by marital status?

I love being Miss, and am very proud of it. I don't ever accept Ms. I have returned a credit card and closed the account open because they had a policy of all women being Ms.

I've always used Ms. But this: I use Ms (I'm married, but kept my surname). So can't use Mrs as it's my mums name is the norm among women I know under about 70 - some will be divorced but that doesn't impact the title/name they use.

Traditionally/technically Mrs. Yourfirstname Husbandslastname indicates a divorced woman; a married or widowed woman would be Mrs. Husbandsfirstname Husbandslastname. So Anna Smith marries John Jones and becomes Mrs. John Jones, even if John dies. If Anna and John divorce, she becomes Mrs. Anna Jones, and John's next wife is Mrs. John Jones. It used to be considered rude to say Mrs. Anna Jones, unless you knew for sure that Anna was divorced and still used her ex's surname.

The problem with Mx, which is theoretically ideal from a "one of your business" standpoint, is that there's absolutely no advantage for men to use it. It benefits them for people to know they're men. So by default, you know that Mx is either a woman or a nonbinary person.

I think this definition sums up some of the issues associated with Ms. Ie commonly perceived as older unmarried (spinster), divorced or you're implying its none of your business (which it isn't but that in itself is making a statement you shouldn't need to make). If all adult women had the same prefix then any subtext associated would be eradicated.

@jumpingbean1810 interesting thread.

I like this

I chose Ms from age 16 in the hope it would become the default in an enlightened age, putting us on level pegging with men. The irony that in trying to avoid judgment, Ms gets ‘judged’ as feminist or divorced or having issues!

I’m married, with my maiden name (from my father) and my son has his father’s surname. I don’t get mad if I’m referred to as Mrs Hisname. It’s simply an accurate representation of how stuck in the patriarchy we are.

Ah yes, the sarcastic one who likes to think she has posted the 'well, we were all thinking it dearie' comment and that everyone will think she is v witty.
Because you don't have a coherent rebuttle

Married or single, I’ve always used Ms.

I don’t mind divulging my sex. I do mind divulging ma marital status. I’m mid 50s.

I'm half and half, I want my husbands name because I want to have the same name as my children.
we could double barrel but we both have long surnames already and what about their generation? Double barrel with already double barrelled names?

I don't want to keep my own surname.

but then I get angry because dh would never change his name to my name and has said as such.
But then again I wouldn't have had his name if it was his mother's surname as I've had lots of problems with the family.
But he was named his no-show father's name and I don't mind taking on that name because it is just DHs and he has it all on his own, so it feels like starting a new family.

Lots of variables.

DH also is the only one of his brothers with his dad's name, all other children have his mother's name and he is the outlier of the family in more ways than one. I definitely think a surname is important for self identity and family identity.

Another Miss here, I'm married and have children and on my third husband. Never changed my surname or title.

Yeah maybe, but also it's 2023, do we really care if someone is a single mum, a 'spinster', or divorced, or something else? I certainly don't, and I don't think anyone cares about me either - and if they did, I dont care what they think anyway 🤷‍♀️

I'm married. I have always used Ms. That's the answer to your problem. Just use it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Same! Well not the credit card bit, bit I have refused to buy from websites that only give me the option of Ms.

Why do you care so much what people think?

Exactly.

I guess the answer is to do away with sex based titles altogether and have ‘M’ for both male and female.

Same here.

Because for women it frees them from all the Miss, Mrs, Ms nonsense.

It's almost worth doing a PhD to earn the right to do that.

I agree OP, but then I'd go even further and ditch titles completely and do what they do in more enlightened countries like Iceland, Scandinavia etc and just call people by their first names.

I always thought Ms was for divorced women or for private people who don't want to be known as single or married. What does it stand for?

I always say lady 😂 I like my post coming to Lady BadClown and I hope it messes with their algorithms 😊

I agree. We are all Ms. I scrapped all other titles for women a long time ago.

OP, why did you use “Miss”? That seems an odd choice for an adult woman.

What is there to be proud of, it means absolutely nothing as this thread attests.

Even if you're a Miss because you're a consultant surgeon, which is something to be proud of, it's only convention and not a good reason to subject women to sexist nonsense like this that men ate free from.

Fully agree with all women Ms and men Mr. Takes away marital status, and is nice and clear.
I use Ms and have been doing for years, and will always use Ms for other women unless told differently by them.

Yeah- I don't know what the point of them is- apart from when you need to address someone, in a letter or email say, and are only using their surname for politeness/ formality.
Having said that, I was Ms when married in my 30s (and I kept my own surname) and I'm Ms now I'm widowed and in my 50s. I think I was Miss pre-marriage but I don't remember Ms being an option or on my radar- or being asked.

Personally I find myself thinking people who use Mrs have more issues as they are desperately showing off their married status. In this day and age why should people care?