Is it OK not to stay at their house?

[TeaTimeFun]

We'll be visiting my husband's parents for a few days next month and will need to stay over because of the distance they live from us. We've not stayed at theirs before as they lived closer until recently. I'm not happy about staying over in their house with young children. We need our space to do our own thing. I'm happy to spend time seeing them during the day but I want to feel that we have somewhere else to go and won't be on top of each other. My husband's mum keeps on about us staying their and says how child friendly it is. It does not look particularly child friendly to me with the decor I've seen in photos and not that big. It's a two bed bungalow. But more than that, I just don't want to feel like I have to be chatty and on top fo the whole time. Our lives are busy and chaotic and we have our own way of muddling through that. My inlaws are very organised and mil can be rather controlling about things.

Problem is, I don't think they'll be great about it, maybe even be offended. They seem really keen we should stay in their house. I don't know why. I even told mother in law our reasons a while back and she's still persisting. To be honest it's putting me off going altogether.

Many people (a large proportion of the population) have no extra bathroom, and manage family visits perfectly adequately

Well, good for them. Many people have bowel issues and can't.

Your point is?

How will you feel OP when your own children refuse to stay over with you when they’re adults?

Relieved.

Although this may be a consideration for some people, I don’t see any mention of bowel issues in the OP.

The majority of the population don’t have bowel issues. For those that do, access to a toilet is certainly essential. A shared toilet is not ideal, but many many people don’t have the luxury of having more than one toilet in their home and manage ok.

Their point is that being incredulous about one bathroom is silly when it does work for some people. If you have bowel issues then obviously it wouldn't work for you, but for many it wouldn't be completely unthinkable for a short visit.

Totally understand OP. My MIL lives in a tiny 2-bed, 1 bath flat. It’s minuscule. She gets offended that we (me, DH and 2 DC) “never stay” and “won’t all bunk in together”. Goodness knows what she’s imagining. Our weekends and time off are too precious to be uncomfortable.

Plus everything (walls, carpet, sofa, fabric dining chairs) are a light cream colour. The coffee table is entirely glass with sharp corners. It’s a challenge to be there for a 2-hour meal!!

God, the projection on this thread! No, I've got bowel issues, it would be completely impossible to stay in a house with one bathroom".
Were you invited, @RampantIvy ? 🤣🤣🤣 I suspect not.

Watch the movie Speak No Evil and trust your gut on this one I think

I was only responding to the poster who said that loads of large households just have one bathroom. Loads of people just don't like having to share a bathroom with 5 other people, that's all.

Forgetting the lengthy queue for a piss first thing in the morning, who’d want to sleep four people to a small bungalow bedroom? Not I. I hate sharing a room with my kid now. If he wakes and spots me, he wants a chat. If he’s in his own room, he just goes back to sleep until a very sociable hour .

Get a family room in a hotel. Poo and sleep to your own timetable.

Yet you've just advised op to get a family room at a hotel? Doesn't that involve sharing a room?

What a bizarre and manipulative view!

If my adult children came to see me and they came alone, they probably would stay with us, but if they felt they needed space and stayed locally, I would think it was a little unusual, but I would respect their preference.

We are not at this stage yet but if they came with their partners and children, and I lived in a small house, I would assume they probably would stay locally for their own comfort and ours.

If there was a financial issue with that, we probably would help them.

I am all for supporting adult children to do what they feel most comfortable with and my dh and I would not be sitting weeping in to a hanky if they decided to stay 10 minutes down the road. Nor do I feel that that makes our relationship with our dc any less close.

I have seen so much manipulation and pressure by parents put on their adult children to behave in a certain way and it causes so much upset, guilt and tension. It can really cause upset between the offspring and their partners too. To me that is the very opposite of what a loving relationship looks like.

Yet you've just advised op to get a family room at a hotel? Doesn't that involve sharing a room?

I imagine it will be larger than a small bedroom in a bungalow that isn't set up for 4 people.

I agree with you @Barnstormaway787

Oh god I absolutely hate staying at peoples houses no matter how welcome they make you feel, I'd rather pay £50 for a taxi home than stay someone else for even a night! I always book an air bnb when we go to see family, if she wants the kids there that much they can babysit whilst you have a night out win win