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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To quit my job over this

83 replies

morningsicknessagain · 05/03/2023 17:44

I loved my job until recently when a new girl started, she's really lovely, popular and friendly but she's just too much for me.
Ever since she joined the team I'm feeling permanently drained from her larger than life personality and as an introvert I am feeling completely burnt out and overwhelmed in her presence even though she hasn't done anything wrong and is a very nice person I just can't concentrate around her.
Will it get better or is it time to find another job, I've been here 18 years and love the work and other team members but I'm quiet and she just completely depletes me.

OP posts:
OliveToboogie · 05/03/2023 17:48

Can you afford to leave your job?. You might not get another so quickly. If not could you wear ear phones pretend your listening g to music. Go for a walk at your break and lunch. I guess depends on job if above is possible.

Nimbostratus100 · 05/03/2023 17:51

I would suggest you dont quit unless and until you find something that suits you better - start looking, start applying, and if you are offered something else, that is when you resign

good luck

Coffeellama · 05/03/2023 17:52

How long has she been there?

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 05/03/2023 17:52

she will calm down and you will get used to her. You may even become mates.
Don’t do anything rash

mrsbyers · 05/03/2023 17:53

I’d just wear earplugs , you can get ones where you can hear the phone etc but drowns out a lot of the noise - I used to use them when I worked in an open office

Babyroobs · 05/03/2023 17:53

I think every office has someone like this ! We certainly did until recently and I also find it irritating as although I'm not ultra quiet, I am busy and like to just get on with things.

yoshiblue · 05/03/2023 17:55

You need loop quiet earplugs. I wear them in the office when people are being too loud, it takes the edge off!

tulippa · 05/03/2023 17:55

Tricky one. It would be a shame to leave a job you love that you have so much experience in. But I can understand when someone rubs you up the wrong way it can be completely exhausting. PP's suggestion of head phones is good. Do you have to work in the same room or could you arrange a move to a different office/desk which is further away? Assuming you do desk work.
There's no harm looking for other jobs if you really want to. Make sure wherever you move to is better paid and has better conditions though.

Hamster1111 · 05/03/2023 17:56

I think you have to give it time. She might be nervous and a bit louder because of it. As a PP says, maybe try some noise minimising headphones. If you're still feeling like this in 6 months then maybe it's time to start searching. But yes, I do think YABU to jump ship so quickly over one person.

PaigeMatthews · 05/03/2023 17:59

Plug in some earphones and pretend you are listening to something. She will get out of the habit of speaking to you. Whenever she does apologise and aay you need to concentrate on x and youll chat at lunch.
ask to move places away from her.

Livelovebehappy · 05/03/2023 18:01

Maybe give her a little time? In a month or so she may calm down. She might just be trying too hard to be accepted by new work colleagues, which comes out in a loud in your face way. It would drain me too, and although you think she’s popular, and that everyone else enjoys her outgoing personality, there will be others who are probably like you and going home with a headache at the end of their shift.

daisypond · 05/03/2023 18:04

Can you wear headphones? That would be fine where I work.

WorstBJever · 05/03/2023 18:05

I'm speaking as a lifelong introvert here but if I left every job because someone was too much, I'd be changing jobs every week. My advice is to concentrate on yourself and work out strategies for dealing with her. If you do leave, there's no guarantee that there won't be someone even more annoying at your next workplace.
You cannot put your career in the hands of someone else. I'd be advising you to leave if they were a bully or treating you badly, but you cannot make important decisions based on a personality clash. Anyway, she could leave soon or change departments etc so I would think about how you react and if there's anything you can do to mitigate the stress she is causing you.

spelunky · 05/03/2023 18:08

I have a colleague like this, actually someone I manage, I find it utterly exhausting how loud she is. I've been working with her for years now.

Luckily we WFH so I don't have to see her every day and can compartmentalise a bit, and I over the years getting to know her I have found there's a lot to like about her, as long as I don't have to spend too much time with her.

I would give it some time and see how you feel once she has settled in and you've got to know her a bit better. People can surprise you and sometimes you don't quite know which way it will go, so do give her a chance, maybe go for a coffee with her one on one, you might see a different side of her.

However, I know that if I worked in the same office as my colleage above, I would have to leave or ask to work in a different office 😂 Sometimes personalities just don't gel.

Fairyliz · 05/03/2023 18:12

The problem is if you get a new job you might find that there is two, three or even more loud people in the new office.
Can you move desk or wear earphones as posters suggest?

Minimochi · 05/03/2023 18:14

I have a colleague like this and I find her enthusiasm rather exhausting from time to time. It's lovely, really, and it's great that she cares so much but you also get the impression that she thinks those not hopping from initiative to initiative and idea to idea and not working hours and hours of overtime are just slackers that don't care. It's a bit like working with a highly excitable meerkat...
I've asked to be moved to a different department and for her to be given a bit more responsibility, in an effort to keep her busy enough to stay out of my way.

SilverGlitterBaubles · 05/03/2023 18:15

I wouldn't make any rash decisions just yet, especially if you have worked there for so long. Perhaps she will calm down in time once settled in and you will also become accustomed to her presence. Could you ask to WFH sometimes? Is there a quieter part of the office that you could use for at least part of the day when things get a bit much.

ThinWomansBrain · 05/03/2023 18:20

AGree with the comment that you may move and find more colleagues like her.
What is her previous work history like - maybe she moves jobs a lot?

Original poster
morningsicknessagain · 05/03/2023 18:23

Unfortunately headphones aren't an option, I just feel like this every Sunday night now.
It's a small team of 4 working together all day not an office as such but one room, close proximity so no way of even getting 5 mins to recharge.

OP posts:
popcornfrenzy · 05/03/2023 18:23

I'm doing just this at the moment and I'm very much not an introvert. I've only been there 3 months but I find myself annoyed every day. I'm a receptionist so have to answer the phone and the admin lady next to me is so loud I have to put a finger in my ear.

It's starting to drive me mad and even saying 'shhhhhh' has no affect.

I'm interviewing for next position tomorrow as I can't be doing with someone so loud.

CoedenNadoligLanOHyd · 05/03/2023 18:26

I'm this loud annoying person. I'm quite happy to be told to be a bit quieter, and ask people to tell me.

I'm aware that I'm like this, and am worse when I'm in a new job. As long as people are respectful and not cunty to me.

JMSA · 05/03/2023 18:26

Are you on the spectrum, OP? The idea of leaving your job over this seems totally extreme.

popcornfrenzy · 05/03/2023 18:29

JMSA · 05/03/2023 18:26

Are you on the spectrum, OP? The idea of leaving your job over this seems totally extreme.

I'm not on the spectrum and am doing just this. Sometimes workplaces change and people move on. Not everyone is due to 'being on the spectrum'

Original poster
morningsicknessagain · 05/03/2023 18:40

JMSA · 05/03/2023 18:26

Are you on the spectrum, OP? The idea of leaving your job over this seems totally extreme.

No not on the spectrum

OP posts:
EmmaEmerald · 05/03/2023 18:47

I get it OP
She might well calm down, she is trying to make her presence felt.

Do you watch Emily In Paris? There's a scene where a colleague says to her "Emily, don't you have an off switch?" I felt so sorry for him and I'm sure lots of viewers found it relatable.

I know this type of thing is grim but is there a way to get her to calm down? In a small office, I have said to people, smiling, that I can't concentrate when they stand and chat right next to my desk. People seemed surprised but they usually get it.

I also know I can dominate meetings, usually at speed. So I hang back and even keep an eye on the lock to make sure I'm not hogging. So she might know if she's loud and might be okay if someone says to tone it down.

I also speak extra quietly if someone is loud.