Page 4 | To quit my job over this

morningsicknessagain · 2023-03-05T17:44:26+00:00

I loved my job until recently when a new girl started, she's really lovely, popular and friendly but she's just too much for me. Ever since she joined the team I'm feeling permanently drained from her larger than life personality and as an introvert I am feeling completely burnt out and overwhelmed in her presence even though she hasn't done anything wrong and is a very nice person I just can't concentrate around her. Will it get better or is it time to find another job, I've been here 18 years and love the work and other team members but I'm quiet and she just completely depletes me.

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 06/03/2023 17:51

MrsPeas · 05/03/2023 20:35

Speak to your manager! I had one of my team mention something similar to me regarding a person and how loud they was which made it difficult to concentrate. Best way I dealt with it was every time she'd get a bit loud I'd ask her a question regarding her work, something very minor and it did stop a few weeks later. But please don't leave yet until you've spoken to your manager.

I worked in an office with multiple teams and one person could get very chatty at times and this is excellent advice. Their manager just asked them a (often irrelevant) work related question and it seemed to just snap them into focus for a bit.

Mabelface · 06/03/2023 18:25

Don't leave! Speak to your line manager and state that the newbie is lovely, but is making it difficult for you to concentrate as she talks so much and you're concerned it'll affect your work. You're not asking that she completely shuts up so you can work in silence, just to rein it in.

I wear active noise cancelling headphones in the office, or the Loop Quiet earplugs. It's open plan and can get really noisy.

I'm also not averse to saying "Doris, can you bring it down a bit as I've got this task that needs my full concentration, and I'm struggling with the noise in the background. Really appreciate it, thank you".

Guis23 · 06/03/2023 18:28

I would avoid actually saying how nice she is. Focus on what the issues are and how it is intruding on your ability to do your job. And explain that she is : Overwhelming. Over intensive. Overbearing. And ask if you can move desks. Because you cannot stand it much longer. And can she please do something about it.

missingthesunshine · 07/03/2023 10:07

You are being cunty though. Its not fair to make your problem everyone elses problem, or make them responsible for policing your behaviour. If you can't adhere to proper office ettiquette, or be in an office without disrupting everyone, you should work from home*.
How ableist are you then?
ADHD is Neurotypical people's problem because Neurotypical people made an environment for neurotypical people which Neurodiverse people can't function in.
Maybe Neurotypical people should work from home if they can't follow the etiquette of their ADHD piers then Neurodiverse people would function just fine.
Oh but no because they are the minority right so it's down to them to mask or do one.

Deathbyfluffy · 07/03/2023 10:12

TaRaDeBumDeAy · 06/03/2023 09:31

You are being cunty though. Its not fair to make your problem everyone elses problem, or make them responsible for policing your behaviour. If you can't adhere to proper office ettiquette, or be in an office without disrupting everyone, you should work from home.

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I think the one being cunty here is you - if you don't suffer with ADHD you're in no place to tell someone else how it should be dealt with.

ADHD is incredibly difficult to manage in office scenarios, and sometimes (as a fellow sufferer) you do need 'grounding out' from someone around you - that's just how it is.

TaRaDeBumDeAy · 07/03/2023 10:21

missingthesunshine · 07/03/2023 10:07

You are being cunty though. Its not fair to make your problem everyone elses problem, or make them responsible for policing your behaviour. If you can't adhere to proper office ettiquette, or be in an office without disrupting everyone, you should work from home*.
How ableist are you then?
ADHD is Neurotypical people's problem because Neurotypical people made an environment for neurotypical people which Neurodiverse people can't function in.
Maybe Neurotypical people should work from home if they can't follow the etiquette of their ADHD piers then Neurodiverse people would function just fine.
Oh but no because they are the minority right so it's down to them to mask or do one.

I do work remotely and I'll never go back to an office again. Thankfully...

FavouriteDogMug · 09/03/2023 15:57

I don't say you should leave immediately, some of the strategies suggested might work for you, but as an introvert it might be a long term plan to look for WFH position. It seems like the ideal environment as long as you are in a job you can work on by yourself, without too many zoom meetings and phonecalls of course. There are more WFH jobs available now and even if you are not qualified for one that suits, you could retrain.

5128gap · 09/03/2023 16:04

I wouldn't leave my job of 18 years if I liked it otherwise over this. If you have to get a different job who knows, the people may be worse.
You say she's lovely, and that's a big plus, because if that's true, she won't want her behaviour to be getting you down. So I think your best course of action is to talk to her.
You need to be specific and focus on particular behaviour rather than broadening it to her personality, and you need to own it as a you thing.
So, "I'm the sort of person who needs to be quiet when I'm working. Do you mind if we don't talk today?" Etc.
Alternatively if you have a supportive manager could you speak to them? I'm sure they won't want to lose a long serving employee over this so may work with you to find a solution.