To quit my job over this

[morningsicknessagain]

I loved my job until recently when a new girl started, she's really lovely, popular and friendly but she's just too much for me.
Ever since she joined the team I'm feeling permanently drained from her larger than life personality and as an introvert I am feeling completely burnt out and overwhelmed in her presence even though she hasn't done anything wrong and is a very nice person I just can't concentrate around her.
Will it get better or is it time to find another job, I've been here 18 years and love the work and other team members but I'm quiet and she just completely depletes me.

What happens when you find a new job, two weeks in you realise there is someone similar or grinds you more?

I wouldn't suggest leaving your long term job, all benefits you have accrued etc for a newbie.

Talk to her, ask her to tone it down x

Speak to your line manager about the impact it is having.

If they are a decent manager they will try to discretely observe and if they agree either have a word to her directly or speak to the whole office about office etiquette and being aware of others working.

I thought this. If so, asking to work in another room could be a reasonable adjustment.

I get where you're coming from. She sounds very self centered, in love with her own voice. I'd hate having that all day every day.

But youve got no problem with being cunty by disrupting and upsetting everyone else?

Ok then.

@TaRaDeBumDeAy I've got ADHD, so can be loud, over enthusiastic and annoying. I'm also good at my job and have a lot of positives.

I'm aware that I can be hard to work with, so make it clear to my colleagues that they can point out to me if I'm being disruptive/going off track etc.

I just don't want to be humiliated in the work place, so ask them to be respectful. I'm not cunty to other people.

Loop earplugs, they aren’t headphones, you can still hear, they will just dim the noise a bit.

Tell work you’ve been having trouble with your hearing and have been recommended to try wearing them.

leaving a job because you’ve come into contact with a very extroverted person is quite extreme, but then you’ve been there a long time without incident, you’ve done well.

I’d give the earplugs a go first, unless you’re willing to speak to your manager and explain that you find the current environment distracting?

You are being cunty though. Its not fair to make your problem everyone elses problem, or make them responsible for policing your behaviour. If you can't adhere to proper office ettiquette, or be in an office without disrupting everyone, you should work from home.

As for the OP, I'd escalate this to the line manager and as a PP said, get them to observe discreetly and then tell tell her to pack it in. That's their job.

Aww I'm sorry this is having such an affect on you I'm sure its so hard. My advice would be to speak with your manager see is there anything they can do re more breaks, a quiet space to work when it gets too much or noise cancelling headphones etc. They may even have a word with the new colleague and ask them to be a bit more aware that people are trying to concentrate around them. Hope this helps!

Don't just leave your job because someone new has joined. Not sure if you have pinpointed what it is that upsets you about her. I am assuming she is an extrovert but is that all ? Does she manage you at all or is she directly involved in what you do ?
You can always say to talkative people 'sorry but at the mo I really need to concentrate on this ' or similar .
I think you do need to realise if you went elsewhere a person could join who might present the same challenges you find with this person. What is it about her you find difficult? Super confident ? You go to lengths to say how lovely she is but is that so ? Is she one of those people who have 'social clout' in the office but you don't really like ? I think you need to work out precisely what it is. Then you can work out coping strategies.

Some good suggestions on here: speak to your manager, speak directly to the person explaining that you are having difficulty concentrating, getting loop earplugs (I use noise cancelling airpods which are good) and of course, looking for another job. Please don't leave one job without another one to go to though! The other thing is to see if it is possible to work from home at all. Many employers are allowing this now. There is always the possibility that she won't stay very long as well.

I don't think quitting will help. There may be a person even worse at a new job.

Just leave if you’re not happy. You can’t change other people.

I know exactly what you mean. I had a flat mate like this once. Non- stop talking, and I mean non-stop, she needed no feedback from you to just keep talking and talking, loud, theatrical.

it was draining. And dull. That dull, non-stop talk about nothing.

I could not have coped with being trapped in a small room with her all day,

I really feel for you OP.

Have a word with your line manager and explain the impact it's having on you. I bet you won't be the only one who wishes your new colleague would STFU now and again.

She also might quieten down as she settles in. I'm loud, and I talk more when I'm nervous, uneasy or stressed.

I don't understand why you would leave your job rather than having a conversation?

Have a think about your needs and raise them with your manager in a 1.2.1 if you need to.

Arrange a meeting State you enjoy working together and look forward to doing so in the future. State you have found your styles to be different. Going forward you would prefer a quieter environment to work in. Happy to say good morning and occasionally pass the time of day but then you need to get on. Offer to arrange keep in touch meetings if that is helpful. What does her boss think?

Sometimes, chatty people can be surprisingly productive. This kind of stream of conversation verbal diarrhea can negatively impact others though. You'll be doing her a favour if she tones it down.

Office life is set up for extroverts. They do not have bigger (better) personalities, just louder ones. I would say I'm an omnivert.

The nature of my work means I need time to concentrate I set appointments in my diary and largely ignore conversations. I have lots of friends in work. I just don't have time for what was on TV last night conversations every day. (Also , CBA).

We are a national team. We have a social weekly teams call.

I’d find this hard. Do you have to work with her to get your job done or can you work more ‘Alongside’ her? If you can work without having to overly interact I’d say a good pair of flare earplugs might help…. You’ll still hear her and everything else you need but it’ll be less of a loudness drain

Leaving your work is extreme and you are probably feeling pushed to the edge by her behaviours which is why such a usually unreasonable course of action is getting serious consideration. Try and step back and see what else you can do

1. Have a chat to your line manager, raise this as an issue. A loud person in a small office is a disruption, however nice they are
2. Is there a friendly person that you work with that you could sound out, it is unlikely you are the only person that is feeling overwhelmed but most of us are too polite to ever say anything.
3. Try putting your iPod on or noise cancelling headphones and if asked, just say you need to concentrate and the office space is too loud, she might get the message

Good luck

I had this about 20 years ago (seems sooner!) a new PA (her first role doing this but not young) joined and she was so loud and had an opinion on everything and wouldn’t shut up.

After a while including her passing most of her work onto me, coming in late and spending lots of time on personal calls, she was made redundant.

In your case, definitely don’t leave! Just wear headphones and be polite to her. She may well calm down.

Is it just your issue? Don't your employers want people to shut up and get on with their work rather than just yacking on all day, particularly when that disturbs other people?

Have you mentioned this at all the other team members? They may have similar issues, in which case it would be worth raising it tactfully at a team meeting or with your line manager.

Have you had a chat with your manager? It is their responsibility to ensure that everyone has what they need to do their job.

Surely it is better to discuss the problem rather than leave a job you like?

I have similar individual at my work. It's constant "thinking out loud", which I can sometimes filter out, but there's also a tendency to comment on other people's work or the way things are done that frustrates me.

How did you and your team work prior to when this new person joined? Did you work in total silence? Chat occasionally or on breaks? Do you know if her chatter bothers the others? It should be that she changes to fit in with the existing team not just you changing your established way of working to suit her. As PPs have said perhaps a manager could approach her about this.

Never move to Glasgow, OP