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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to want friend's boyfriend to come

93 replies

poppyplate · 03/03/2023 17:25

I invited three friends (we met at uni, we're now mid 20s) out for dinner to celebrate my birthday this weekend. Three of us are currently single, the other has had a partner for about 6-12 months. The four of us agreed a time and a place a few days ago. However this afternoon the coupled friend has messaged me to ask if it's ok if she brings her boyfriend too.

AIBU not to want him to come? I don't have any issues with him personally, but I've only met him once and while he seemed nice, it would totally change the dynamic of my birthday dinner. But I don't know how I can say no to my friend without making things awkward.

OP posts:
purpleleotard2 · 03/03/2023 17:26

just reply back that it is not ok for him to come too.

SquirrelSoShiny · 03/03/2023 17:26

Say no.

Aquamarine1029 · 03/03/2023 17:27

"Sorry, it's ladies only."

SquirrelSoShiny · 03/03/2023 17:27

But be prepared for her to drop out.

RunTowardsTheLight · 03/03/2023 17:27

YANBU - you just need to be upfront about it.

Hi Friend, I'd love to meet up with you and your partner another night, but was really looking forward to just the girls tomorrow night! Can't wait to see you x

Thepeopleversuswork · 03/03/2023 17:28

No YANBU at all. Just say no.

Zola1 · 03/03/2023 17:28

'I don't think the others are bringing anyone so it would probably be a little awkward for him, it would be lovely to just have a girly catch up for my birthday'

Lizziet64 · 03/03/2023 17:28

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whitebreadjamsandwich · 03/03/2023 17:28

'Aww, I'd like it just us girls for my birthday - he wouldn't want to endure our chat anyway!'

Talipesmum · 03/03/2023 17:28

Say “it’d be lovely to meet him again some time soon but for my birthday dinner I’d rather just have you guys this time?”

Denise82 · 03/03/2023 17:29

Just say its girls only, but be prepared that she may be funny about it and decide not to come.

MamOfFive · 03/03/2023 17:29

"Sorry girls only dinner this time, will arrange with you another date to meet up with you both. See you at the dinner!"

Theyresexpeoplemn · 03/03/2023 17:32

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Why Would he want to be the only man with 4 women?

elenacampana · 03/03/2023 17:33

Nah, say no. You’ll be setting a precedent where she turns up with him all the time otherwise. I’d tell her it’s girls only and hope she decides she’s still coming.

FiddleLeaf · 03/03/2023 17:34

YANBU but nor is she to ask. I’d say it’s a girls night but you’d love to have dinner with him another time.

CanofCant · 03/03/2023 17:34

Ugh no, YANBU. I bloody hate it when people do this.

gamerchick · 03/03/2023 17:36

Nope, girls night only.

Mojoj · 03/03/2023 17:38

FiddleLeaf · 03/03/2023 17:34

YANBU but nor is she to ask. I’d say it’s a girls night but you’d love to have dinner with him another time.

I disagree. She is being unreasonable to ask. What it is with some women who want to foist their boyfriends onto a clearly all girls invitation?

Sceptre86 · 03/03/2023 17:39

You either compromise or put your big girl pants on and send a message similar to the ones pp have suggested. Be prepared for her to drop out, some couples are joint at the hip.

PillBoxes · 03/03/2023 17:41

Possibly a controlling bf who will not allow his gf out of his sight. It's possible isn't it? I can't think of any other reason that a man would want to insert himself into a girls night out FGS.

I would say no, I'd prefer he didn't come on this occasion, as it's girls only this time. I'd also ask would he not feel like an idiot sitting amongst all the girls. Some other time and move on. It's YOUR birthday, your decision.

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 03/03/2023 17:43

It pisses me oh hugely when people do this. Why the fuck can’t they live without their bf/husband/partner for a few hours? It’s so inconsiderate to think your friends will be delighted if your man comes too.

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 03/03/2023 17:44

Off not oh. 🙄

Whataretheodds · 03/03/2023 17:48

Just say 'oh I've just booked a table for the 4 of us and that's what I'd prefer.

(you could add' Let's organise something soon though for us plus partners'/ catch up with you + boyfriend together as well soon though ')

gannett · 03/03/2023 17:55

PillBoxes · 03/03/2023 17:41

Possibly a controlling bf who will not allow his gf out of his sight. It's possible isn't it? I can't think of any other reason that a man would want to insert himself into a girls night out FGS.

I would say no, I'd prefer he didn't come on this occasion, as it's girls only this time. I'd also ask would he not feel like an idiot sitting amongst all the girls. Some other time and move on. It's YOUR birthday, your decision.

Why would a normal man feel like an idiot sitting with women? Have had countless gatherings where one man has ended up at dinner or in a pub or at a gig with multiple women. Have also been one woman with multiple male friends in those situations. Nothing has been awkward or weird about it.

Personally I don't have any time for enforcing gender-segregated socialising nor do I think it changes the dynamic, so in the OP's position I'd have said yes, the more the merrier and I'd love to meet him. Generally I enjoy and look forward to meeting people who make my friends happy, and I assume that if they have something in common with my friends they won't be completely awful to spend time with.

But OP would be within her rights to make up some excuse about the table already being booked or whatever, that's not a huge deal.

cigarettesNalcohol · 03/03/2023 17:57

Personally I think YABU, you're in your twenties, it's a bit immature to want it to be 'girlies only'. It's not high school anymore. It's a shame you don't feel like being more inclusive and welcoming. After all, this could be a serious relationship for your friend, he might be here to hang around...

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