AIBU - She shouldn't have said this at the funeral?

[CalmReserve]

Dave and Jane are happily married with 2 children. Dave works with Sarah.
Jane has cancer and passes away.
Dave quits work for a while to look after the kids.
Over the years Dave has several relationships, nothing lasting. 15 years later he reconnects with Sarah who gets divorced to marry Dave.
A few years later Dave dies in an accident.

At Dave's funeral Sarah has the officiant read out a eulogy she has written about their relationship. Part of which states they used to flirt all the time when they worked together, basically hinting they had a thing at the time when Dave was married to Jane.

AIBU to think this was totally inappropriate and disrespectful to Dave and Jane's kids and Jane's family- some of whom were at the funeral? Even if it was true, I just feel it doesn't need to be said at the funeral! There's a time and place. It's not like Dave and Jane even got divorced! They might have still been happily married had she not died.

Or am I overreacting and making a big deal out of nothing and she's entitled to say what she wants at her husbands funeral (and sod anyone else's feelings!)

Whether true or not I agree it’s in poor taste.

Great for Daves children.

No this was badly done. Not appropriate in any way.

I agree it's in very poor taste
How did Jane's kids and family react? It would have really upset me to hear that

It is in poor taste and I would be furious if I was one of Jane's children or family.

She's just looking back with rose-tinted glasses in the aftermath of the traumatic death of her husband. I think she can be excused for not necessarily making the best decisions.

Sarah is a nasty piece of work. Very upsetting for Janes family, as Sarah knew it would be.

It's totally disgraceful and unacceptable. Horrible woman.

What a horrible cow to do such a thing.

Despicable IMO.

I think no one needed to know that.

I don’t think this is a thing you can settle with a vote. Grief is not rational and writing eulogies isn’t everyone’s forte. I wouldn’t like it if I were Dave’s child, and I would internally raise an eyebrow if I heard it in an eulogy (depending on how it was phrased) but everyone deserves some grace when they’re grieving.

Sarah sounds like a self-absorbed selfish cow who only thinks about her own feelings and not anyone else’s.

Awful. How disrespectful.

Extremely poor taste.

Sounds to me like Sarah wants to drive home the fact that she was his "true" love.

But do agree that grief can make you do strange things and you tend to not be thinking about other people's feelings during the acute phase.

This! She read that as part of a eulogy in front of Daves children who have lost both of their parents and who are still presumably only relatively young adults.

She's absolutely a cow who has no fucking empathy.

Shes clearly very insecure and always felt in the shadow of his first marriage and felt the need to lay down a public marker that she was always his first choice. Even if its true all its done is upset Daves children, made him out to be an ass and her to be a dozy bitch - and lets face it, if there were actual flirting with intent behind it on Daves part, she would have been the first and only relationship after Jane.
I hope Dave had the foresight to protect his children's inheritance!

What a horrible woman, I am sorry for your loss.

Sarah.perhaps felt insecure in the marriage and wanted to make it seem she was “the one” even though she was the second wife in sad circumstances?

Hope Jane’s children can see beyond it and not let Sarah’s selfishness taint the memories of their parents marriage.

It's unfeeling. My best friend went through this at her dads funeral. Somethings simply do not need to be said.

Grim.

I'd have to hear the eulogy myself to judge whether it implied more than friendship...if you're emotionally connected to Jane or their children this might be influencing your interpretation.
I think it's fine for her to say for example she had known Dave for a long time and always liked him with from when they first met due to his chirpy banter and uplifting chats. I don't think it's appreciate to say example I knew he was the one for me all those years ago and we shared a very special connection ....which we later took to the next level.

As the neutral niece who cared for my uncle towards the end of his life, l helped write the eulogy. I literally had to do word counts to check that each of his children received equal 'billing'. Did cherished out do adored? Does a poem chosen by one equal a piece if music chosen by another. Each person had their own take on it and one in particular thought it was very unfair. What do others think who were there? Are there neutral people you could ask.
Ultimately it's done. If this has caused a rift then it would be better to think about how everyone can heal. Grief alters our perception so whoever says what, bare that in mind. Remember also that Dave was loved by and loved you all.

I agree.

When my uncle died, he was buried with his first wife who had died many years before. My cousin said he'd be buried with "my mum, as is right and proper".

My uncle's second wife, to whom he was actually married significantly longer than to his first wife, was at the funeral. I really hoped she didn't hear the comment but my mum thought she had.

Best to move on and remember the person, and ignore the silly comments made by the living!

Thank you. My jaw dropped when it was read out. But I was just double checking because I'd have assumed she'd have run it all past someone first and would have thought someone might have pointed out it was not on to say that.
She literally used the word 'flirting'. They used to flirt with each other all the time when they worked together.

It’s in poor taste and she would have known what she’s doing too. It’s a final marking her territory pissing competition of one.

Not as serious but when my ex got married it was to a woman that was always hovering around our social group even before I broke up with him (because he wouldn’t commit with marriage…)
I attended only so I could supervise our child and to try and be civil. At the reception, her mum stands up and gives a speech about how they fell in love when they went to a concert together, they spent the entire weekend in bed, and were inseparable ever after. Those were concert tickets I gave him. He said he was taking his brother for the weekend as I was too pregnant to go. We were a couple for two years following that concert and apparently they were fucking the entire time.
Joke’s on them, she’s a shrill, unpleasant person, and he’s a broke, balding twat who is trying to cheat on Tinder using photos from 15 years ago.

A bit harsh based on one comment from a woman who's grief of losing her husband of the last 15 years, is fresh and new.

Sarah is very insecure. Not nice and not even necessarily true!