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AIBU?

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Original poster

Observation at school today

130 replies

Rainbowscarf · 03/03/2023 15:31

There was an observation on my son’s tapestry app today. He’s 4.5 years old.

He’s not got a diagnosis of anything yet but I suspect Autism (or Asperger’s as it used to be called).
Am I right to be concerned about this? He wants to know everything about numbers and more. Knows all the names of the planets in the solar system and the order they go in too.
If you don’t know the answer to something he finds it really hard to understand why.

Observation at school today
OP posts:
user1471517900 · 03/03/2023 15:41

Don't think that's hugely concerning. Kids can have randomly encyclopedic memories of some things. Eg. dinosaurs, Pokemon names etc. I'm guessing somebody has told him 16*16 = 256 and he's remembered that rather than he's worked it out?

Nimbostratus100 · 03/03/2023 15:44

nothing to be concerned about - why are you concerned?

HowardKirksConscience · 03/03/2023 15:46

Read it again, he knew lots of multiples of 16. Very unusual.

percypercypercy · 03/03/2023 15:48

Nimbostratus100 · 03/03/2023 15:44

nothing to be concerned about - why are you concerned?

Urgh. How dismissive. And incorrect.

What you see here actually fits with your concern of autism OP.

Springisclose · 03/03/2023 15:50

If you are going to have an assessment this is evidence I would to tell the Assessor. The high Level of Math at such a Young age and The ‘Talking at her’

UnbeatenMum · 03/03/2023 15:50

Concerned as in is this an autistic trait? Because I don't think it's concerning in itself but it is an autistic trait. Particularly the teacher's description of him talking 'at' a girl.

Shinyandnew1 · 03/03/2023 15:50

I wouldn’t be concerned as I’m presuming if you already suspect he is autistic, this observation probably doesn’t come as any sort of surprise to you. Have you already spoken to the HV or GP about your concerns? Or the school SENCo?

user1471517900 · 03/03/2023 15:50

HowardKirksConscience · 03/03/2023 15:46

Read it again, he knew lots of multiples of 16. Very unusual.

Not all of which were correct. It could well be that he's asked someone previously and is reciting them "parrot fashion" - so not doing complex maths in his head, but remembering some facts that he's been told previously by someone (which again might explain why he gets some wrong).

Original poster
Rainbowscarf · 03/03/2023 15:50

The part I’m concerned about is talking to everyone about numbers (as he does at home) whether they’re interested or not.

Also he does know the actual sum of things. He knows his times tables too. But I’m not sure if he’s memorised it all (he has a photographic memory) but he also sees the pattern in everything, so if you show him once, he can work out the rest in the same fashion.

OP posts:
Mamamia7962 · 03/03/2023 15:52

He could be autistic and extremely bright or he could be neurotypical and extremely bright. Have the school/nursery said they have any concerns about him?

Original poster
Rainbowscarf · 03/03/2023 15:52

I thought we were having a meeting with the SENCO but nothing became of it.

I don’t even have the contact details of the HV anymore. So no idea who to contact.

OP posts:
Littlefish · 03/03/2023 15:52

This observation is useful, independent evidence.

What has his teacher said about your suspicions about autism?

I've been an Early Years teacher and I would see this observation as being well outside usual expectations for maths.

Original poster
Rainbowscarf · 03/03/2023 15:54

He sits really well in assembly, follows the school ‘rules’. Behaviourally there isn’t a problem. He can draw and read well above his age group. As well as the maths.

But my concern is his social and emotional communication.

The problem is all the family (including his dad) don’t think there’s anything ‘wrong’ they think he’s just clever and that I’m concerned unnecessarily.

OP posts:
Daftasabroom · 03/03/2023 15:54

This might seem random but, is the colour yellow a big deal in any way?

Original poster
Rainbowscarf · 03/03/2023 15:56

The teacher has said there’s ‘something going on’ but his speech and behaviour are currently showing no issues. She said she doesn’t think he’d get an EHCP.

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 03/03/2023 15:56

I don’t even have the contact details of the HV anymore. So no idea who to contact

Your GP would be a good start!

Original poster
Rainbowscarf · 03/03/2023 15:57

Not sure what I’d say to the GP though.

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 03/03/2023 15:57

Rainbowscarf · 03/03/2023 15:56

The teacher has said there’s ‘something going on’ but his speech and behaviour are currently showing no issues. She said she doesn’t think he’d get an EHCP.

Lots of autistic children don’t need an EHC plan. A diagnosis of autism is still useful though.

DaisyDando · 03/03/2023 15:58

I would know if the first few multiples of 16 sounded correct but after that, I’m not sure I would - unless they were 100 out or something. Not really the point, I know.

Mamamia7962 · 03/03/2023 15:58

If you were supposed to be having a meeting with the SENCO then ring the school and find out why the meeting hasn't happened. Sometimes you have to be assertive and be pushy (not rude) otherwise you can get forgotten.

Shinyandnew1 · 03/03/2023 15:59

Rainbowscarf · 03/03/2023 15:57

Not sure what I’d say to the GP though.

I would ring the GP surgery and ask them for your Health Visitor’s phone number, then ring the Health Visitor and ask for some advice about your concerns surrounding your child possibly having autism.

Springisclose · 03/03/2023 16:00

NHs option www.nhs.uk/conditions/autism/getting-diagnosed/how-to-get-diagnosed/
or you can pay and have it done privately.
As a Parent of two neurodivergent DC it’s up to you to be proactive. The earlier interventions/help are provided the better. I dont say this to make you feel bad but because it’s the reality. So ignore what DH says. Trust your Mum instincts. Whether your suspicions are correct or not ab Assessment provides information about How your DC thinks and learns and can only help them.

Littlefish · 03/03/2023 16:02

Rainbowscarf · 03/03/2023 15:56

The teacher has said there’s ‘something going on’ but his speech and behaviour are currently showing no issues. She said she doesn’t think he’d get an EHCP.

A diagnosis and an EHCP are completely different and unrelated.

Some children with a diagnosis have an EHCP.

Some children have an EHCP without a diagnosis

Some children have a list of diagnoses as long as your arm, and don't have or need an EHCP.

An EHCP should be based on need.

I'm very pro diagnosis as it supports the individual (hopefully) to receive the support they need. This support should change overtime as the child's needs change.

Original poster
Rainbowscarf · 03/03/2023 16:02

I think my DH would be really upset with me if I took him without his ‘consent’.

The last time I saw the HV was at his 2 year assessment and she was very impressed with him and his abilities.

OP posts:
Nandocushion · 03/03/2023 16:04

Rainbowscarf · 03/03/2023 15:56

The teacher has said there’s ‘something going on’ but his speech and behaviour are currently showing no issues. She said she doesn’t think he’d get an EHCP.

My DC has an Aspergers diagnosis. She didn't need an EHCP because it was really only the social side of things that she struggled with and she was fine academically, which sounds like your son. I'm afraid the taking at people thing does happen a lot, especially when they are younger, and he'll need time and probably some help to learn better methods of conversation.

The diagnosis was helpful because it gave the school a bit of information to work with, and for me emotionally because I was able to let go of the idea that I needed to teach her to behave differently.