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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

If there was a neurodivergent island, would you move there, and what would the rules be? (Lighthearted)

97 replies

Crochetcacher · 03/03/2023 10:01

I’m autistic, have OCD, and very likely have ADHD.

I was imagining what it would be like to live with fellow neurodivergent people, and what it would look like 😁

Who is coming with me, and what would it look like to you. Here’s my ideas

Small talk is not allowed, oversharing would just be called talking, and special interests would just be interests and hobbies, and just be everyday discussions.

No scratchy labels on clothes!

No flourescent lighting allowed anywhere, especially in shops.

No talking is required at tills in shops, unless wanted.

It’s perfectly acceptable to ignore people you know when you see them out and about (but a message to say you haven’t fallen out with them then may be necessary, so we don’t think you hate us 🤣)

If someone says they need to talk to you (especially if they say later) then they need to be clear what they are talking about, and that we are not in trouble!

Oh and self diagnosis is perfectly valid.

And a shop that sells things for our hobbies and interests, that also has an exchange section, so when we inevitably need a new dopamine fix, we can take back what we haven’t used, and get a new hobby!

Restaurants and cafes would have varied menus, but it’s perfectly acceptable to ask for plain food, or whatever combination you fancy, without getting strange looks or feeling self conscious.

So would anyone join me and my family, and what would you want to see.

OP posts:
Plenanna · 03/03/2023 10:02

This place exists and it is called Finland. Everybody is an introvert, reserved and not talkative - it’s amazing.

Radical0pal · 03/03/2023 10:03

Ha brilliant! All of these for my DD. Also perfectly acceptable to read a book in a tree for hours.

Radical0pal · 03/03/2023 10:04

And please can people wear whatever they like including outfits made of plastic bags and everybody just ignores it or says 'hey cool outfit'

Karatema · 03/03/2023 10:06

Definitely for me. This sounds perfect 😀

LavenderHillMob · 03/03/2023 10:10

Plenanna · 03/03/2023 10:02

This place exists and it is called Finland. Everybody is an introvert, reserved and not talkative - it’s amazing.

That sounds blissful. My ADHD DH who talks non-stop on the other hand would not be popular.

Crochetcacher · 03/03/2023 12:20

Finland hmm, tempting!

So we also need lots of trees to sit in, climb etc.

And yes any kind of clothing is acceptable, no judgement allowed.

And another one is not showing up unannounced at anyone’s house, you have to let them know, and we can ignore the door if anyone ignores that rule. Also delivery drivers need to give an exact time, so I’m not sat nervously waiting.

OP posts:
picklemewalnuts · 03/03/2023 12:36

Weirdly, I don't think any of that would distress NT people at all. I always used what I learned about making ND people comfortable my standard practice.

People seem to like it. I don't understand why we have a world of over stimulation and over complication!

Is there something about tolerating things outside ourselves- whether that's scratchy labels, or noisy neighbours? Do NT people tolerate more, as opposed to actively seeking out all these irritating things?!

Testina · 03/03/2023 12:40

On my ND island, people wouldn’t assume that all ND people are the same, and therefore could have one island that suits!
4 autistic nieces and nephews - 1 would love what you describe, 1 would be meh, 1 would hate it - and 1 would probably get run out of town for not fitting!

BoardLikeAMirror · 03/03/2023 12:41

If you want to travel somewhere, you can choose from a wide range of transport options spanning the last 150 years.

All television and film productions must be made with subtitles.

It is illegal to force anyone in the workplace to attend 'team events' 'one-to-one development discussions' and so on.

Conkersinautumn · 03/03/2023 12:44

Oh god no. Other neurodivergent people are very impatient, judgmental and struggle with me, so i wouldnt be welcome. It'd be a whole bunch of people unable to compromise or get on because of that! Too many misunderstandings every minute of the day! I don't even bother with autism support groups in the real.world as there's the whole 'autier' than thou, and the NT parents of autistic kids are even worse!

AnorLondo · 03/03/2023 12:45

Conkersinautumn · 03/03/2023 12:44

Oh god no. Other neurodivergent people are very impatient, judgmental and struggle with me, so i wouldnt be welcome. It'd be a whole bunch of people unable to compromise or get on because of that! Too many misunderstandings every minute of the day! I don't even bother with autism support groups in the real.world as there's the whole 'autier' than thou, and the NT parents of autistic kids are even worse!

What all of us? Except you presumably.

Ponderingwindow · 03/03/2023 12:47

People use precise language, particularly when making a request of another person.

percypercypercy · 03/03/2023 12:47

Nope. I'm not a fan of self diagnosis so if you want to put me on an island with other ND people at the very least I would expect them to be be verified otherwise I may as well stay here.

SwordBilledHummingbird · 03/03/2023 12:50

percypercypercy · 03/03/2023 12:47

Nope. I'm not a fan of self diagnosis so if you want to put me on an island with other ND people at the very least I would expect them to be be verified otherwise I may as well stay here.

This!

WhisperingAutistic · 03/03/2023 12:51

Separate events for the extraverted and introvert autustics. At the moment my son cannot attend groups for autustic children because he just cannot stand the noise and the boisterous environment.
The cinema events are great with the lower volume etc, but the fact that the children are allowed to talk and walk around pisses him off.

Wednesdaysotherchild · 03/03/2023 12:52

As an ADHD woman living with an autistic man, we are basically opposites so I feel like this island might need to be zoned! They are quite different and I’d like a chatty chaotic messy extrovert ADHD place not just an ordered routine driven introvert land!!

Wednesdaysotherchild · 03/03/2023 12:54

Oh and BIG feelings are allowed.

LikeEmeraldeyes · 03/03/2023 12:55

I couldn't cope. Dx autistic and I think adhd. I would need the right balance of spontaneity and routine. I could do with someone who picks up my lack of executive functioning though. A tornado tends to follow in my path

AllOfThemWitches · 03/03/2023 12:56

Can I bring my 10yo and can there be a ban on super busy shops? And loads of stuff that can be safely climbed up and jumped from.

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 03/03/2023 12:56

Kind of but a lot of autistic people all in one place would probably run each other up the wrong way!

I’d like to be able to walk on my toes and flap my hands without people asking me what I’m doing (I only flap my hands in private but sometimes I forget and walk on my toes when I’m stressed about something), the use of chew toys/ aids to be normalised, a slot when you’re allowed to visit the supermarket so it’s never crowded, no one to sit in my spot at work, home or at the dining table, no Teams/ Zoom meetings ever, a walking desk at work, quiet rooms in all buildings (although there might be a queue for them) and everything to be teal and/ or yellow.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/03/2023 13:00

Oh I really fancy coming to this island! Sounds great!

I’m not diagnosed ND but would love it there.

Can there never be any queues for anything, or anything that requires drop in, but things can be booked and happen at the time stated?

miniaturepixieonacid · 03/03/2023 13:02

I'm NT but all of these rules sound fabulous to me!

Except self ID which drives me nuts.

Detektourist · 03/03/2023 13:05

Meetings at work not compulsory - just a print out of the salient facts is fine. 1-2-1s can be done over the phone. No expectation of small talk.
Parents evening all online. In fact just everything which normally
requires a face to face appt, should be available as a tick box option - in person or zoom? and either is fine and not judged.
Things like theatres, restaurants and public transport all designed so that people aren't packed in like sardines. Softened acoustics, more mellow vibe, more booths and separations with plants etc.
Libraries with comfy reading booths and study areas with clear delineations between user areas.

TomeTome · 03/03/2023 13:05

No I like Disabled people, Able people and all sorts of people. I would hate living in a bubble.

Hankunamatata · 03/03/2023 13:08

Personal aid to pick up all the things I leave about and close cupboard doors.