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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

If there was a neurodivergent island, would you move there, and what would the rules be? (Lighthearted)

97 replies

Crochetcacher · 03/03/2023 10:01

I’m autistic, have OCD, and very likely have ADHD.

I was imagining what it would be like to live with fellow neurodivergent people, and what it would look like 😁

Who is coming with me, and what would it look like to you. Here’s my ideas

Small talk is not allowed, oversharing would just be called talking, and special interests would just be interests and hobbies, and just be everyday discussions.

No scratchy labels on clothes!

No flourescent lighting allowed anywhere, especially in shops.

No talking is required at tills in shops, unless wanted.

It’s perfectly acceptable to ignore people you know when you see them out and about (but a message to say you haven’t fallen out with them then may be necessary, so we don’t think you hate us 🤣)

If someone says they need to talk to you (especially if they say later) then they need to be clear what they are talking about, and that we are not in trouble!

Oh and self diagnosis is perfectly valid.

And a shop that sells things for our hobbies and interests, that also has an exchange section, so when we inevitably need a new dopamine fix, we can take back what we haven’t used, and get a new hobby!

Restaurants and cafes would have varied menus, but it’s perfectly acceptable to ask for plain food, or whatever combination you fancy, without getting strange looks or feeling self conscious.

So would anyone join me and my family, and what would you want to see.

OP posts:
DangerPigeon · 03/03/2023 15:17

Will it have a shit load of kittens, hammocks in workplaces and space hoppers as an accepted mode of transport? If so I'm in.

Crochetcacher · 03/03/2023 15:33

I would like to clarify a few points

i know realistically it wouldn’t work as one island, but it’s interesting to see some themes and ideas that are similar, and it is a bit of fun. I appreciate everyone is different, for example some things I find difficult my kids would love, and vice versa.

I say self diagnosis as I realize for some people, especially as an adult, getting a diagnosis isn’t easy. So it’s not people who are ‘so OCD’ because they like things done a certain way (I know how debilitating it is, and officially have OCD, and to see it minimized is hard). Or people who say ‘everyone is a bit autistic’. So for example I think I meet the criteria for ADHD, but trying to get a GP appointment is hard enough, getting a referral harder, and the waiting times are ridiculous. In my area at one point they weren’t even assessing anyone as they didn’t have the staff to run a service. So I wouldn’t say I have ADHD, but I would like to be assessed.

Oh and yes to the kitties, lots and lots of kitties!

OP posts:
ootb · 03/03/2023 15:43

I sort of had this, the national (not in the UK) "giftedness" test was actually a divergent thinking test. Not every neurodiverse person would be caught in its net but everyone who aced the test was definitely a creative/out of the box thinker!

Life in the programme was interesting and I, a former weirdo, found my tribe. We walked around barefoot and I remember teachers commenting on our hyperfocus inability to transition between tasks!

ootb · 03/03/2023 15:43

By "we" and "our" I mean kids in the programme in general, not just my friends!

Fladdermus · 03/03/2023 15:48

Hell would freeze over before I'd move there. I'm autistic and the other 3 members of my family are too. It takes everything within my power sometimes not to kill them as we can be opposite ends of the spectrum. EG DS hates quiet and feels most comfortable in a noisy environment. I like silence. I also like order, military level order. But DH is the messiest most chaotic person I've ever met.

A whole island of people with competing extreme and opposite needs, many of whom will have impulse control issues? Nah, count me out.

OopsAnotherOne · 03/03/2023 15:51

Unless someone is wearing a "I'm happy to chat to strangers, come and say hi!" lanyard around their neck, you're not allowed to approach random people on the street and instigate a conversation with them. Only lanyard wearers.

bonjello · 03/03/2023 16:07

Nah I'm OK, I'm lucky though and already live in a world where I'm accepted and have learnt lots of coping skills.

Timetochangetheoil · 03/03/2023 16:07

Can I just be late for everything with no guilt and can we never put the big light on please.

Elisheva · 03/03/2023 16:08

It must smell nice. And I will be allowed to wear all blue, every day, and no one will feel the need to comment on it. There will be a shop that only sells soft blue clothes.
And as well as not having to talk at the hairdressers it would be nice if they could understand what I want them to do to my hair without me having to try and explain. If you could find a hairdresser who could cut my hair without having to stand behind me and touch me, then I would pay a million pounds to go there!

bonjello · 03/03/2023 16:13

Elisheva · 03/03/2023 16:08

It must smell nice. And I will be allowed to wear all blue, every day, and no one will feel the need to comment on it. There will be a shop that only sells soft blue clothes.
And as well as not having to talk at the hairdressers it would be nice if they could understand what I want them to do to my hair without me having to try and explain. If you could find a hairdresser who could cut my hair without having to stand behind me and touch me, then I would pay a million pounds to go there!

Actually I'm ok with that as long as I can have a shop that sells the 3 trousers I can wear.

knackeredcat · 03/03/2023 16:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

RonObvious · 03/03/2023 16:49

If you randomly bump into people you know, you are allowed to say "Sorry, I'm not peopling today" without them taking offence.

Tiredderit · 03/03/2023 16:55

I wouldn't unless it was a never talk to me Island and there was shifts to go to tesco so I never had to deal with many others! And most of the checkout jobs etc are robot/machine based so I'd have the option not to interact!

Went to an autistic school as a child so coped well then being amongst others but as I have gotten older my tolerance for coping with other people's stims, meltdowns, noises, likes/dislikes,etc is less than zero so can't do support groups etc anymore.

Stillcountingbeans · 03/03/2023 17:31

I read 'island' and immediately thought of sand. On beaches.

The sand must be a special magic sand that does not stick to wet skin, or towels, or clothes, or shoes, or anything. It just stays on the ground all the time.

It should go without saying, but there has to be the biggest library ever, including a recreation of the ancient library of Alexandria, and all the tech anyone could ever need, which will never ever need charging.
Oh and lightening fast internet.

donttellmehesalive · 03/03/2023 18:51

I enjoy eating out but would like a restaurant where I sit in an enclosed booth, order via an app and receive my food through a hatch.

Itgoesalittlesomethinglikethis · 03/03/2023 19:08

donttellmehesalive · 03/03/2023 18:51

I enjoy eating out but would like a restaurant where I sit in an enclosed booth, order via an app and receive my food through a hatch.

I don't actually know if I'm ND BUT I am enjoying this thread for a bit of light heartedness and many posts resonate with me. @DangerPigeon space hopper idea is great.

Being able to talk to people's feet or looking completely past them whilst talking and them not care would be good. I get to randomly change the subject and not look weird too. People wearing blue means they talk at length about number related topics, green for trains, red for arts, purple for religion etc so you go find your colour match and natter for ages about said topic and it's ok, it's allowed.

Random hang out spaces with animals to stroke, preferably a cuddly cat.

@donttellmehesalive that sounds like heaven.

Hotvimto3 · 03/03/2023 19:10

Yes, i think it would be great fun hanging out with other ADHD folk, possibly a collection of impulsive activities and lots of chatter but I would very much enjoy it

Tiredderit · 03/03/2023 19:14

For those wanting a no talking to people/introvert restaurant! Saw this one while browsing YouTube.

https://youtube.com/shorts/tCkjY7WrfAM?feature=share

OriginalUsername2 · 03/03/2023 19:15

Plenanna · 03/03/2023 10:02

This place exists and it is called Finland. Everybody is an introvert, reserved and not talkative - it’s amazing.

I hear people are very straight-forward in Germany, which sounds amazing.

Happysalley · 03/03/2023 19:20

Separate area for the non-squealers. My son squeals/shrieks at regular intervals and I'm extremely sensitive to noise. So is he, to be honest, except when the noise is coming from him.

No hand dryers allowed in toilets.

No one is allowed to tell anyone to stop picking, biting, scratching, gouging, nibbling, smelling, pulling their own skin/hair.

OriginalUsername2 · 03/03/2023 19:25

donttellmehesalive · 03/03/2023 18:51

I enjoy eating out but would like a restaurant where I sit in an enclosed booth, order via an app and receive my food through a hatch.

This is genius!!

EndlessTea · 03/03/2023 19:25

OriginalUsername2 · 03/03/2023 19:25

This is genius!!

I was thinking this too, but I am NT and didn’t want to comment.

RedToothBrush · 03/03/2023 19:45

An island where everything is turned up to Level 10? I think it would be more intense and difficult than the real world tbh.

amusedbush · 03/03/2023 21:02

donttellmehesalive · 03/03/2023 18:51

I enjoy eating out but would like a restaurant where I sit in an enclosed booth, order via an app and receive my food through a hatch.

I've been to one of those! In New York, a ramen place called Ichiran. You go into a single booth, tick what you want on a paper form, slide it under the hatch and then your food appears. You don't see or interact with your server.

The only thing that stopped it from being perfect was an irritating tinkly tune that played every time someone pressed a button.

copperplated · 03/03/2023 21:36

I know this is light hearted, and appreciate the idea , 👏 however if it were a reality it would all degenerate pretty quickly if you ask me.
If you add lots of contrasting extreme flavours to a dish they don't tend to work well together. Usually they need a larger proportion of a more neutral flavour that will balance out the extremes, and create the best outcome.
In the same way, the more extreme the ND, the more NT people are needed to create a balance, otherwise things go downhill fast. Possibly if all our basic human needs, ie food, shelter, warmth,etc are somehow taken care of by robots, then maybe we'd stand a chance😆.
I'd no doubt end up somehow breaking my assigned robot, or more realistically, after the first malfunction not daring to touch it for fear of completely breaking it and have to live my life eating some random food I didn't like for eternity, trying to summon the courage to call for help.