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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

If there was a neurodivergent island, would you move there, and what would the rules be? (Lighthearted)

97 replies

Crochetcacher · 03/03/2023 10:01

I’m autistic, have OCD, and very likely have ADHD.

I was imagining what it would be like to live with fellow neurodivergent people, and what it would look like 😁

Who is coming with me, and what would it look like to you. Here’s my ideas

Small talk is not allowed, oversharing would just be called talking, and special interests would just be interests and hobbies, and just be everyday discussions.

No scratchy labels on clothes!

No flourescent lighting allowed anywhere, especially in shops.

No talking is required at tills in shops, unless wanted.

It’s perfectly acceptable to ignore people you know when you see them out and about (but a message to say you haven’t fallen out with them then may be necessary, so we don’t think you hate us 🤣)

If someone says they need to talk to you (especially if they say later) then they need to be clear what they are talking about, and that we are not in trouble!

Oh and self diagnosis is perfectly valid.

And a shop that sells things for our hobbies and interests, that also has an exchange section, so when we inevitably need a new dopamine fix, we can take back what we haven’t used, and get a new hobby!

Restaurants and cafes would have varied menus, but it’s perfectly acceptable to ask for plain food, or whatever combination you fancy, without getting strange looks or feeling self conscious.

So would anyone join me and my family, and what would you want to see.

OP posts:
louderthan · 03/03/2023 21:41

No expectations to play cards or board games, drive a car, throw or catch, understand rules or sequences, do maths, follow maps, or learn dance routines.

louderthan · 03/03/2023 21:42

I have dyspraxia and dyscalculia.

Errolwasahero · 03/03/2023 21:50

Well, I’m not diagnosed but this would definitely be my happy place. As long as there can be horses. Lots of horses.

Scautish · 03/03/2023 22:08

It really bugs me how ND is now used to umbrella a group of hugely different conditions which themselves have huge variation in each individual.

and imo self diagnosis is not valid. It undermines the diagnostic process and perpetuates autistic myths.

and being stuck on an island with other people, whatever their neurotype, gives me the shivers.

but if all self-diagnosed want to live there that may work well for us all.

lunylovegood · 03/03/2023 22:09

Grit boxes full of sugar and the American fire hydrant thing full of milk in every street so I never have to fear running out. Massive fridges for all the broccolis I buy for my health but never eat and then don't throw away because I feel guilt for wasting them.
Soft play to take kids to but with nobody else there. Maybe just a house made of soft play that would be cool, so no fear/intrusive thoughts of injuries.
Wherever it is i desperately want to live there.

Crochetcacher · 03/03/2023 23:36

Some more excellent ideas.

Yes to good public transport with lots of space, and no judgement for those of us who don’t drive. And I would like very clean public toilets (like in Austria, they are exceptional).

I would also like various weather zones, so I could sit in the sun during the day, but be cold at night to sleep. And have snow one day if I want it, and sunbathe the next. With lovely swimming pools that are outdoors, so no loud acoustics or bright lights!

The beaches, some would have to be shingle to collect Seaglass.

Those saying it sounds horrible, that’s fair enough, it’s not for everyone, there’s no obligation. Even if it was possible, my lack of executive function abilities means it is very unlikely to happen anyway 😆

OP posts:
Gruffling · 03/03/2023 23:44

Everyone must follow the rules at the swimming pool about taking off shoes in the changing area and showering before using the pool.

Everything is clean. Like clean enough to walk the streets barefoot.

LibrariansGiveUsPower · 03/03/2023 23:51

Haha, yeah my chaotic ADHDness is going to get me run out of town or make some poor guy with OCD’s head explode.

RedToothBrush · 04/03/2023 00:02

LibrariansGiveUsPower · 03/03/2023 23:51

Haha, yeah my chaotic ADHDness is going to get me run out of town or make some poor guy with OCD’s head explode.

I think my real thing with this thread is the problem that neurodivergent is seen by many as just being autism and there's a lack of awareness amongst the ND community of how many with ADHD are chaotic, loud, impulsive, untidy etc.

Both groups can have sensory overload issues but they manifest in different ways. I think to an extent being ND makes people on the extremes but not the same extreme.

And having lots of people with very clashing, extreme behaviours and feelings without anyone NT in sight is a recipe for disaster. It'd be worst than the real world.

TheSoapyFrog · 04/03/2023 00:03

No phones. All companies must be contactable via instant messenger.
Normalise not making eye contact.
Get rid of the concept of time. I'll text you back when I'm ready. If you don't hear from me, it's not because I don't care, I've just forgotten you exist.
Go to sleep and wake up when your body needs. Early to bed and early to rise shouldn't be the gold standard.

Homes should be equipped with smart technology. Your fridge should tell you what's in there and that there is a forgotten about, decaying pack of ham stuck at the back. The oven should turn itself on and off when the food is done.

An abundance of Alexas.

DahliaRose3 · 04/03/2023 00:03

Ooh ADHD here. No working lunches, as I need my down time to recharge. No overtime. Yes to 4 day weeks or shorter working days. No all day meetings or all day team events & particularly sitting in the same spot. No open plan offices, my desk in a corner, no hot-desking.

No assignments or exams when learning. Assess knowledge in another manner. Everyone to wear name tags.

For it to be okay when I’ve had enough socialising, I can just leave. Maybe there’s a big pink sign saying I’m going, or please leave my house now, I’ve had enough, I’m bored, I need to recover from this social interaction. I like socialising but am an ambivert.

I second the not being tightly packed next to other people with seating. No unnecessary touching please. No portaloos. Everything fairly neat and organised. No screeching.

A drop in hobby class so I can actually do some of my hobbies, and a big storage unit to house unused hobby material.

No uncomfortable seating nor beds, nor backless chairs. No places that smell oily.
No hard house music.

My own PA & everyone’s houses are organised by professionals.

girlfriend44 · 04/03/2023 00:47

Plenanna · 03/03/2023 10:02

This place exists and it is called Finland. Everybody is an introvert, reserved and not talkative - it’s amazing.

Sounds grim and boring.

JudgeRudy · 04/03/2023 01:07

Maybe we could have 'open' and 'closed' signs for ourselves to signify to others that were up for a bit of interaction. We could also display our energy levels (like phone batteries). I'd incorporate some 'reset rooms' where you go into a booth with a bunk. These would be publicly accessible like toilets and you pay by the hour. They can be used for decompression, sleep, grounding or just thinking. Each room can be have temp, humidity and darkness adjusted.
I do have concerns thought for co morbities. ADHD and ASD often go together. I consider these grumpy but lovable grandpa and a13 year old boy....often pull in applying directions. I like the idea of zones but people must be free to circulate as mood takes them.
The default setting will be to assume that most Q are asked out of interest and need only with no judgement so eg 'have you always been fat' means exactly that. Well also assume that most people are honest.
I'll be wearing cotton scrubs and maybe clogs plus sunglasses or a visor. Weather reports will give out facts only and not tell you its going to be a lovely day tomorrow when in fact its going to be sunny enough to have shadows (bad) and humid (bad) with no breeze(bad).
Cafes can sell all sorts and its OK to ask for a food separater so they dont touch. My food and drink will be room temp but hot and cold could be available. I'll also have all my meals in bowls with a spoon. Chrome legs on laminate flooring will be banned as will any offensive noise generators.
No will be a full sentence!

Treewarrior34 · 04/03/2023 01:37

Every office/place of work would have a lunch room which is completely private. Comfortable, temperature can be adjusted, quiet and a lockable door. No-one is allowed to communicate while you are in there re-charging. Oh that would be absolute bliss. There is NOWHERE at my work to do this which explains why most days when I get back from work I have to sit/lie down on the sofa and ignore everyone for half an hour until I'm ready to communicate with people again (luckily have lovely dh and dc are also NT and totally understand).

Treewarrior34 · 04/03/2023 01:39

All cafes should have things you can do at the table (eg drawing) so that you can have coffee with a friend without the strain of making eye contact all the time.

Gingerkittykat · 04/03/2023 04:01

Every house will be detached with complete soundproofing. I don't ever want to have to hear my neighbours again. Can we also have big hedges (maintained by a free gardener) for more outside privacy?

PA assistance for everyone who needs it due to struggling with paperwork and other daily tasks because of poor executive function.

No rigid 9-5, a lot of us have sleep disorders and people can sleep whenever their bodies and minds want to without judgment.

Treewarrior34 · 04/03/2023 11:25

*that should have said Dh is understanding and Dc are both ND! Whoops.

BestZebbie · 04/03/2023 11:47

We attend a Home Ed forest school which has turned out to be a bit of a secret land for ND people hidden in the woods. It is kind of like the idyllic bits of the Iron Age without all the faff of having to subsistence farm/not have healthcare/being invaded by Romans.

Catinabeanbag · 04/03/2023 11:47

I think I'm NT (though my partner's not entirely convinced), but definitely introvert and this island sounds lovely.
I would have no 'furry' food (peaches /apricots / gooseberries etc)
At night time there will be blackout curtains, with no gaps anywhere, it will be dark and it will be quiet. No weird humming or buzzing noises going on.
Many books. On all different subjects.
No compulsory 'joining in' - and defnitely no team building / role playing or 'going around the room and tell us something about yourself'. Ever.

WhisperingAutistic · 04/03/2023 11:50

BestZebbie · 04/03/2023 11:47

We attend a Home Ed forest school which has turned out to be a bit of a secret land for ND people hidden in the woods. It is kind of like the idyllic bits of the Iron Age without all the faff of having to subsistence farm/not have healthcare/being invaded by Romans.

This sounds wonderful

Zaliea · 04/03/2023 11:51

I have ADHD and it greatly affects my ability to organise things and keep on top of chores. I would not move to this island if it meant that I would have to live with other people who are similar. I hate mess and disorganisation and it really gets at me. I try very hard to keep things a certain way. I couldn't live with other messy people, it makes me angry.

Dominoeffecter · 04/03/2023 12:00

No repetitive or loud noises

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