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If there was a neurodivergent island, would you move there, and what would the rules be? (Lighthearted)

97 replies

Crochetcacher · 03/03/2023 10:01

I’m autistic, have OCD, and very likely have ADHD.

I was imagining what it would be like to live with fellow neurodivergent people, and what it would look like 😁

Who is coming with me, and what would it look like to you. Here’s my ideas

Small talk is not allowed, oversharing would just be called talking, and special interests would just be interests and hobbies, and just be everyday discussions.

No scratchy labels on clothes!

No flourescent lighting allowed anywhere, especially in shops.

No talking is required at tills in shops, unless wanted.

It’s perfectly acceptable to ignore people you know when you see them out and about (but a message to say you haven’t fallen out with them then may be necessary, so we don’t think you hate us 🤣)

If someone says they need to talk to you (especially if they say later) then they need to be clear what they are talking about, and that we are not in trouble!

Oh and self diagnosis is perfectly valid.

And a shop that sells things for our hobbies and interests, that also has an exchange section, so when we inevitably need a new dopamine fix, we can take back what we haven’t used, and get a new hobby!

Restaurants and cafes would have varied menus, but it’s perfectly acceptable to ask for plain food, or whatever combination you fancy, without getting strange looks or feeling self conscious.

So would anyone join me and my family, and what would you want to see.

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 03/03/2023 13:17

Various ways to communicate with professionals/organisations according to your needs.

AllOfThemWitches · 03/03/2023 13:19

Also, tons of specialist schools and well paid, happy teachers.

Nosecan · 03/03/2023 13:21

Crochetcacher · 03/03/2023 12:20

Finland hmm, tempting!

So we also need lots of trees to sit in, climb etc.

And yes any kind of clothing is acceptable, no judgement allowed.

And another one is not showing up unannounced at anyone’s house, you have to let them know, and we can ignore the door if anyone ignores that rule. Also delivery drivers need to give an exact time, so I’m not sat nervously waiting.

Oh yes, I’m definitely going!

pizzaHeart · 03/03/2023 13:24

all performances without flashing lights
all menu list ingredients clearly
big print everywhere
all rules and expectations are clear
phrases like We should get together at some point are forbidden

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 03/03/2023 13:25

Sounds perfect. Booking tickets and staring into space as I write.

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 03/03/2023 13:26

Please can we sleep when we need to, and not when society dictates?

Crochetcacher · 03/03/2023 13:31

I’m liking the sound of zones, as sometimes I want to be sociable and other days not.

Then no expectation that because you have been sociable one day, you can do it again.

Sensory areas that can be adapted to suit whether you are seeking or avoiding certain things.

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 03/03/2023 13:35

yes the reality is we would need multiple islands. There are people who need lots of noise and people who need quiet. None of this would ever work. But I like the fun thought experiment of a place that is easier to exist.

no crowded spaces.

Seating everywhere is spaced out so shoulders have no chance of touching
Room capacities are dropped to about 1/8 to 1/4 of current allowances in all places
Transportation never expects anyone to get into another person’s personal space, even for a second to pass by

no communal offices - no one should have to feel on display constantly in fight or flight mode just to sit at a computer

menus should list all ingredients

if you state your preferred method of information transfer for maximum understanding and efficiency, it should be readily accepted. I.e asking for written instead of verbal instructions

VintageThoughts · 03/03/2023 13:37

Somewhere where you can be totally honest and nobody takes offence.

"I'm passing by your house later, shall I call in for a cuppa?"

"Nah. Can't be arsed"

"No problem at all! See you another day!"

ghostyslovesheets · 03/03/2023 13:39

A social zone and a solitary zone - a space I can be outgoing, chatty, with friends and then a place I can go to recover for 2 days because it exhausts me!

Untitledsquatboulder · 03/03/2023 13:44

Ds2 would only go if it was the sort of nd island where people always follow "the rules". This does not include being noisy in the cinema or singing along in the theatre, no matter how nd you might be. Actually I think your island would need some villages for people with asd and others for people with ADHD or there might be war.

macncheeeesey · 03/03/2023 13:45

Love it!

All houses are issued with a weekly cleaner and laundry services.

All bills and life admin are taken care of as part of the service.

A food delivery service handles all meals.

All kids activities are within five minutes of home and there's a bus service that collects and drops them off.

There's a 24/7 childcare service that you can drop your kids off too - and the kids love it!

I could go on and on and on...

Oo and a coffee delivery service every morning!

amusedbush · 03/03/2023 14:03

That sounds wonderful. No more trying to communicate with NTs, who seem to seek out hidden meaning in everything I say and don't believe that I don't "do" subtext.

What I said: "Yes, I can pick you up from work on Saturday. I was going to drive through to my granny's but it's no problem, I'll let her know that I'll visit on Sunday instead. Do you want to get a takeaway on Saturday evening since we'll both be home?"

What I meant: Exactly what I said with nothing implied - genuinely

What the NT heard: "I want you to know that you've fucked up my entire weekend by needing a lift in the middle of Saturday afternoon. It's entirely your fault that I can't see my granny that day and I hope you feel really bad about it, you arsehole."

KvotheTheBloodless · 03/03/2023 14:10

Yes! I will come too.

There will be no touching unless specifically asked for, especially not hugging.

Flaking on people at the last minute is perfectly acceptable, for any reason at all.

Menus will have all items listed separately, and they may be ordered and consumed in any combination.

allfurcoatnoknickers · 03/03/2023 14:11

I have ADHD, so there would be no rules 😬

Namechangeforthis189 · 03/03/2023 14:13

Ooooh, I’m currently packing my suitcase!

Mine would be;

No spraying perfume in public and if people could not wear so much I can smell you a street away that would be great.

Please do not make small talk. I’m not rude but I am very very bad at it and I will spend the rest of the day overthinking how rude I appeared.

Please don’t touch me. I will leap backwards. I can’t help it, it’s a weird impulse.

If it can be said in text please do that and not call me. I’m hopeless on the phone. I can’t work out where the natural pauses are to start speaking.

No maths. Ever.

AutisticLegoLover · 03/03/2023 14:14

Dd and I often talk about our desert island that we will have. Bliss. I'm hoping Waitrose will helicopter or ship in deliveries. And Amazon.

EndlessTea · 03/03/2023 14:31

My DC fell in love with one of these ‘somadomes’ in Selfridges.

I reckon every workplace should have enough of these to go round. https://somadome.com/

If there was a neurodivergent island, would you move there, and what would the rules be? (Lighthearted)
pizzaHeart · 03/03/2023 14:38

No spraying perfume in public and if people could not wear so much I can smell you a street away that would be great.
how could I forget about this^ !!!
And I’m not ND, rather not formally, my DD is, but she won’t move without me anyway so I’m coming.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/03/2023 14:50

Also delivery drivers need to give an exact time, so I’m not sat nervously waiting. - yes definitely this

Agree that seats on public transport should be spaced out so you can’t accidentally touch

If someone is inviting you to an event, organising a communal event, they need to tell you whether and what food and drink is available, whether it be on sale or free etc

Iam4eels · 03/03/2023 14:55

percypercypercy · 03/03/2023 12:47

Nope. I'm not a fan of self diagnosis so if you want to put me on an island with other ND people at the very least I would expect them to be be verified otherwise I may as well stay here.

I think there is a difference though between self-diagnosis and pre-diagnosis or probable-diagnosis (for want of better terms).

To me, self-diagnosis is that whole attitude of "well we're all on the spectrum aren't we" and people who loudly claim to be ND because they're just so damn quirky like "look at me, look how quiet I'm being, look... looooooook....". They're the people who say they have OCD because they like their cushion covers to match and clean their skirting boards more than once in a blue moon or say they're autistic because they hate talking on the phone and don't like the feel of velvet or have ADHD because they're "just like sooooo hyper".

I avoid this people like the plague.

But there is another level of self-diagnosis and they're the people who I would class more as pre-diagnosis or probable-diagnosis. These people are the child who is almost certainly ND and is exhibiting pretty much every behaviour on the NHS symptoms checklist, the child who you know is almost certainly going to come away from CAMHS with a diagnosis once they get to the end of the two year waiting list. I have no issue with that child or their parents "self-diagnosising" during that waiting period especially as in the initial assessment CAMHS will (in my experience) tell you what it is they're considering a diagnosis of. Then there are people who as adults realise that they probably should have been assessed as children, for example it's not uncommon for the parents of the child I've described to have a lightbulb moment during their child's assessment and realise that they are very likely ND too. I spoke to a GP when one of my DC was diagnosed who listened to what I had to say and agreed that I am very likely autistic and, based on the information I'd given, would almost definitely be diagnosed but adult referrals in my area are next to non-existent unless you're also having a mental health crisis. When another of my DC was diagnosed and we had an information gathering sessions where we talked about family histories and such the psychiatrist specifically asked me had I ever considered seeking a diagnosis for myself as a lot of what I described of myself as a child (and now) would have met the threshold for diagnosis. So do I then refer to myself as ND or not?

percypercypercy · 03/03/2023 15:03

So do I then refer to myself as ND or not?

Refer to yourself as you please, but you don't get in without a diagnosis.

donttellmehesalive · 03/03/2023 15:09

Hairdressers cut your hair in glorious silence.

BigMadAdrian · 03/03/2023 15:10

Not sure this would work for me either as I am emotional seesaw - high as a kite (and noisy with it) or quietly sitting in a corner not wanting to be disturbed! I need different things on different days.

donttellmehesalive · 03/03/2023 15:11

Post, parcels, deliveries automatically left on doorstep.

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