to expect my well educated friends to realise the derogatory nature of their language?

[auntyspan]

i have a very dear friend who I have known for years. Last week she described someone (some hoodlum in Asda) as a 'mong'. I was utterly shocked that someone so educated and cultured as her could use such a term.

I discussed it with my DH and he said there was a couple of blokes in his office that used the term too - and suggested I might be a little over sensitive as my nephew has Downs Syndrome.

AIBU to expect this term to have died last century?

I haven't heard that expression in years!

YANBU

goodgrief. Didn't know anyone still used that.

YANBU

I know a teacher who called a kid in her class a "retard" It really upset me, especially when she elaborated and this child did have SN.

There's no place for that sort of language IMHO

Unacceptable

do you remember fairly recently when tiger woods said he had "played like a spaz" quick apologies and a donation ensued I believe.

My MIL keeps referring to dd as 'handicapped' I keep telling her we don't use that anymore and that as a disabled person myself I find it offensive.

My friend uses such terms and it really annoys me particularly as we both used to train people on 'disability awareness'. It is ignorance my friend may have been to university but unfortunately she is a bit dim. Higher education doesn't necessarily make you intelligent iyswim.

actually, I will admitting to laughing at that one. dd has severe spastic quadraplegic cerebral palsy and can't even hold a golf club. So he ws wrongo.

Agree it's horrible terminology but some people are genuinely ignorant about changes in language. For me, the acid test is whether the person apologises and changes their language once they realise that other people have been upset.

it's sort of nostalgic for people of my age I think (late 30s) but like racism and sexism before it people should know better regardless of level of education

although it does seem to be ok to use terms like mental, manic and so on in the same sort of way - doesn't attract censure

Have heard it used in Aussie soaps as short form of 'mongrel'.
Could she have meant 'ill-bred'?
If she meant it as you think then no YANBU at all.

Good point Vacua - of course words that are derogatory to people with visible disabilities are, quite rightly, completly unacceptable but words about invisible disabilities like mental health problems are somehow ok - 'schizo' is the worst i reckon.

I would like to apologies for not knowing that handicapped is the wrong thing to say

mong, I have no idea what that is supposed to mean
retard, is that not short for retarded? Isn;t that the right thing to call someone?

schizo and psycho are horrible

I also hate the use of schizophrenic to mean something split into two - for example when people say 'oh my views on such and such are totally schizophrenic, on the one hand I think this but on the other I also blah blah'

I know the word breaks down etymologically to 'a split mind' but it's not a split personality, it's a severe thought disorder and a really stigmatised one at that

Trinity, its 'learning disabled'
I hate all the unpleasant terms for poeple with mental helath issues. the media are particualry nasty with terms like 'crazy' and 'metanl' and 'meltdown'

Gawd yes vacua that one annoys me too (my bro is schizophrenic - or schizo-affective or whatever they call it this week). However, again, it's mostly ignorance rather than malice when people mis-use it. It irritates me but doesn't really upset me, whereas people who think that all schizophrenics are knife-wielding maniacs really upset me.

Trinity, 'mong' is short for 'mongoloid' which is what people with Downs Syndrome used to be called (they were thought to resemble people from Mongolia, though in a derogatory sense).

My PILs always called my SIL, in her late 40s, 'mongoloid' until about 10 yrs ago.

schizoaffective (big simplification coming) is a sort of cross between schizophrenia and manic depression so you have the schizophrenic type symptoms and the big wide mood swings sort of independently of each other - my sister has it too and never seems to get any better or have any insight

you do get sort of hardened to it I think, I'd like to be the kind of person who can challenge it in an effective but light hearted way but I'm not, I just leave it alone

mong by the way, someone asked, is from mongoloid I think - an old term for down's syndrome based on the shape of the eyes

anyway am not in position to comment until have expunged the phrase 'poor people' from own vocabulary

Ah vacua that is interesting (about schizo-affective) - no-one has ever explained it to me like that before. Sorry about your sister - it's tough, isn't it. My bro has a depo implant now for anti-psychotics, so we're hoping that this will at least keep him on his meds.

fingers crossed, an implant is better than baring the buttocks every week or whenever!

did he have a few different diagnoses to begin with? I think my sister has had about 14 over her lifetime, I sometimes wonder if psychiatrists just stick a pin in the diagnostic manual at random . . .

but yeah that's it broadly speaking, a mood disorder and a thought disorder rolled into one

It's fallen so much out of usage now that she may not realise where it comes from -- it's an abbreviated form of an outdated term so she could have just absorbed it into her vocabulary from someone else without giving any thought to its origins. I think it's worth challenging her on it if you hear her use it again.

Mong, spaz, retard etc have been considered offensive for so long that I think they are now simply unacceptable.

On the other hand handicapped / disabled person were the accepted terms until quite recently, and not everyone realises that terms like "person with a disability" or even "differently able" (which makes me cringe tbh) are now much preferred.

Similarly, "mentally handicapped" was the polite term when I was young, rather than "learning difficulties" or "special needs". I always try to be sensitive with the terms I use, generally avoiding all of them for safety, but it can make it difficult to discuss an issue when you are not sure what term is acceptable.

It's similar to trying to discuss an issue to do with race, when "coloured" used to be thought more polite than "black", and it's now vice versa (except in the US, where one newsreader was so careful not to cause offense that he referred to Nelson Mandela as an "African-American")

Lord yes, a different diagnosis for every psychiatrist he sees pretty much. I've come to the conclusion that psychiatry is a very imprecise business - wonder whether current practice and medicines will be seen as little better than blood-letting and witchcraft in 100 years' time.