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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect my well educated friends to realise the derogatory nature of their language?

146 replies

auntyspan · 10/02/2008 17:14

i have a very dear friend who I have known for years. Last week she described someone (some hoodlum in Asda) as a 'mong'. I was utterly shocked that someone so educated and cultured as her could use such a term.

I discussed it with my DH and he said there was a couple of blokes in his office that used the term too - and suggested I might be a little over sensitive as my nephew has Downs Syndrome.

AIBU to expect this term to have died last century?

OP posts:
Starbear · 18/05/2009 11:18

wilbur I think these people call it black humour! I used to work with DV victims and have to visit them in a women's refuge. The lady who ran it worked very hard. But over coffee would call them slags, village idiots. She also was running to be a local councillor

bigstripeytiger · 18/05/2009 11:19

2shoes

You are being ironic?

2shoes · 18/05/2009 11:19

oh just noticed this is an old thread

2shoes · 18/05/2009 11:20

no just couldn't type

wannabe10 · 18/05/2009 11:20

Beanisteve I think its your friends decision. I have bad seizures and when I am spaced out have referred to myself as a monge........ my boss hates it but I feel its up to me. I would never dream of talking about anyone else like that but I am referring to myself so I feel its ok..........

bigstripeytiger · 18/05/2009 11:21

no, i meant using the word idiot as an insult.

ForeverOptimistic · 18/05/2009 11:22

I disagree wannabe I would find your statement offensive.

wannabe10 · 18/05/2009 11:27

I am talking about myself though...... and with out sounding naff I like finding humour in how I feel. It helps me deal with it.
I also have a bowel condtion and staff I work with talk about me needing a nappy. It makes me laugh. I think life is taken too seriously sometimes.

ForeverOptimistic · 18/05/2009 11:35

Yes but the term "Mong" is in no way related to your epilepsy so although you are intending to poke fun at yourself you could offend someone who has a disabled relative.

I am not a kill-joy or a PC do-gooder but I always without fail pick people up on language that could be offensive. Just as well we don't work together!

2shoes · 18/05/2009 11:43

wannabe10 do you have downs syndrome???
if my dd wanted to say she was a spaz, fine she can as she has cp(although she would really have to say athetoid as she doesn't have spastic cp)
but epilepsy and ds.....

wannabe10 · 18/05/2009 11:53

I realise where the word comes from but its the word I choose to use as is my right.
I am sure the profession I am in I would be picked up on it if someone had a disabled relative but I am using it in relation to me and as I would never dream of using it when talking about someone with downs it wouldn't occur to me as being upsetting!!!!!
I use monge as in ' I monge out' lots of people where I live use it as an expression not as in mongoloid [? sp}

bigstripeytiger · 18/05/2009 12:06

2shoes

Why is it OK for you to call people idiots, but not for wannabe to use a different word for herself?

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 18/05/2009 12:13

'Mong out' or 'monged' comes from the same insulting source though - it refers to being spaced, stupid, not with it, duuuuh. Which come from unkind stereotypes of people with learning disabilities. So yes, you can say you are a mong if you want, but it's still a shit word to use and you being epileptic doesn't really make it ok.

sis · 18/05/2009 12:28

wannabe, using that phrase to describe yourself could be offensive to people from Mongolia, couldn't it?

wotulookinat · 18/05/2009 12:33

Cor I haven't heard the term 'mong' used in a long long time. She probably used it spur of the moment and in no way meant it to be offensive to those with Downs or from Mongolia

wannabe10 · 18/05/2009 12:33

I disagree......I am spaced, not with it etc and I am TALKING ABOUT MYSELF!!!! Repeated petit mals make me like this. My illness my right.

titchy · 18/05/2009 12:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

wannabe10 · 18/05/2009 12:36

I am not trying to offend anyone. We just as family have always used it. 'Wannabe 10 is monged out just give her five minutes'. Then I tend not to scare the children as I am blank and unresponsive.I just think Political incorrectness can go to far.......

debs40 · 18/05/2009 12:41

I have friends who will use those terms too but they think they're being smart and sassy and a bit retro like that tw*t Jimmy Carr. There are, unfortunately, some comedians who think they're being ironic by using terms like this for jokes. They would have us believe they're laughing at the use of the words and not the people involved. This generally gets lost in translation and makes people think it's just fine to use words of abuse like spaz, mong, pikey etc

solidgoldSneezeLikeApig · 18/05/2009 12:48

I think some people are too officious about other people's use of language. To take squawking, reporting-to-the-authorities offence on behalf of unspecified other people when you overhear or are engaged in a private conversation is not useful behaviour.

onagar · 18/05/2009 12:50

What about the flid/thalid thing where they are apparently different words with different histories which just sound the same? must we remove all words that 'sound like' words on the disapproved list?

2shoes · 18/05/2009 12:55

bigstripeytiger are you just being
wannabe10 so you have ds

2shoes · 18/05/2009 12:56

(this thread shows me where the lovely kids that call dd a retard and a spaz get it from.....their parents)

ForeverOptimistic · 18/05/2009 13:01

You are so right 2shoes. Ds is only 4 and he knows it is not acceptable to use language like this. It is a shame that grown adults are not as respectful.

onagar · 18/05/2009 13:08

2shoes I thought you'd be keeping your head down after your 'idiot' remark. I have no problem with the word since it has an ordinary meaning, but since you seem to be arguing for tight word control you should be ashamed for having used it. And maybe learning from it that it IS possible to use such a word without intending to be offensive.