To be finding all the days so lonely with a toddler

[Pickupthelastbit]

I thought there was loads on for parents of small children, and we do go to a group every day.

The problem is they are only on in the mornings. They are nice to go to but nothing ever happens after them. So I’m left with a long long afternoon to fill and I find myself dreading them a bit.

Just a bit of a moan!

I've been thinking about what it was like when my children were small. I know I had one friend who'd turn up at 4 o'clock and say thank God it's just three hours till I can put them to bed.
I was lucky. I had local family and friends, and my parents were farmers so I never needed to be stuck home on my own with them if i didn't want to be.
I think I would have been lonely at home with just a toddler for company. Much as I loved them.
Solidarity OP. It'll pass!

I love the 2-5 post nap hours!

We usually watch digger videos on YouTube while he has a wee snack and a drink, then he plays while I sort washing/hoover. We usually go for a walk at 3, then start making dinner at 4! It goes so fast!

Go back 4 days a week. Mondays I used to take my child to toddler group morning then baby swimming lesson in afternoon. It was wonderful!

Hmmmm I'm somewhat similar to you, I have a toddler and work 3 days one week and 2 days the next week. I don't really find the days long to be honest, we don't go to groups everyday but we do once or twice a week.

In the afternoon when he wakes up from his nap, I give him his lunch, we have some chill time in the living room and then he potters around the kitchen banging pots and spoons or playing with his fridge magnets while I make dinner for my husband and I.

Have you tried the Peanut app? I've made a few good friends on there and we'd often go to the zoo together or meet in the playground some afternoons.

Probably 2-5 is hardest with the first/only child as once the second is a toddler with the activity, lunch, nap routine the oldest is at school or preschool and needs picking up around 3 then a snack and before you know it is time to make tea. Afternoons could seem really long during the covid lockdowns without the school run to break it up a bit. Used to get them out for a walk for a change of pace.

I agree with @angielizzy1 that this is a first child problem - with your second you have to rush to do the school run at 3pm so you don’t have the same stretch of unfilled hours.

Anyway - that doesn’t help you……

I was in the same position as you with 3 days work and 2 days with Dd (my first child) and - yes - the afternoons did drag. The issue for me was that we had sacrificed a lot for me to work 3 days so I felt under pressure to make the time really “meaningful”.

What I realised was that I am an “achiever”. I like achieving things. I like to have a list and to tick things off. “Made it through the afternoon without eating my eyeballs out of boredom” wasn’t really an achievement.

So what I did was look up the early years curriculum. There are (or were in 2012!) seven areas of development on there. Social, physical, maths, communication, understanding the world and two others I have forgotten. Then I wrote lists of activities that covered each of the areas. (Walking to the lake near us, feeding the ducks and chatting to anyone who walked past covered an impressive 4 areas!)

And then each afternoon I would try and do something that was under each area.

A lot of people (Dh!) thought I was mad and putting myself under pressure for no reason. But for me “shit! It is only half an hour until bath time and I haven’t done any “understanding the world” with her - what can I do?” Far more palatable than “oh no - still half an hour until bath time - how can I fill the time?”

II’m finding this hard to understand.

Two afternoons a week, you are lonely and struggling because you are with your toddler at home?

Aside from all the good suggestions made by PP, I used to LOVE that time with my toddlers. All cuddled up on the sofa watching tv, reading stories, cooking, painting, playing with toys.

It sounds like you don’t enjoy this phase and should probably increase working hours as you aren’t getting any benefit from your current arrangement.

Aside from all the good suggestions made by PP, I used to LOVE that time with my toddlers. All cuddled up on the sofa watching tv, reading stories, cooking, painting, playing with toys.

I seem to have bought the model that wants me to charge around the house being a fireman/racehorse/robber for him to catch and is bored of the paints/baking after 5 minutes, when it takes me 15 to set them up. The 5 Minute Mum book has been great but again the activities are quite short.

It's fine now he's 4, but my god was 2-3 hard work. By 2pm we'd been up 9 hours and already done a 3 hour outing and 6 hours pottering in the house.

Housework? Not the most exciting but that's what I did when (if) mine napped. Otherwise we went to local museums, zoo etc which I had annual passes for

Agree it can be very tedious. I was a sahm so had 5 days a week of this, and we didn’t have a proper planned outing every single morning either so we had some slow mornings too.

I was lucky that I had a good group of friends in a similar boat. The park or a walk is so much better with another adult to talk to.

Mostly I aimed for mornings out doing something like a class or a group or a play date with others. Home for lunch and nap. Afternoons were usually at home just us. Playing with toys, playing in garden, bit of tv, maybe taking a walk round the block with their bike or going to the playground. Definitely not much that cost money. Mine loved messy stuff like the water table or a big container with rice in that they scooped about, although obviously nice weather is better for that stuff. “Help” make dinner or housework.

If your kid is at nursery 3 days a week then he’ll be getting plenty of stimulation there, so I’d just chill on your afternoons at home. Let them play, watch a bit of tv, go for a walk. Mine loved the bath and could play for hours so sometimes we did an afternoon bath

I went through something similar when my son was 2 and i worked part time. My partner worked 12hr shifts too so the days were very long, although I appreciate this is everyday for single parents. Winter is hard, and I found that very difficult and wished I was the one at wo

I felt exactly the same when I had a 2yo and a baby. It can be lonely and boring, then I used to feel guilty for not enjoying it. I think you have to be really proactive about getting out - we used to go to the local garden centre where they basically had an aquarium of fish! And soft play, and the park etc. Just being proactive and getting fresh air often helped. I wasn’t great at chatting up new mums so that’s what I did.

Go back four days. There is literally no point clock watching when you could be earning instead. I found it easier to treasure the one day together and it was better quality time spend together. I’d never want to work less than four days now/

Wow.
I started reading this thread because at the moment, I am struggling myself.
I too work 3 days a week, mon-wed.
I take my LO to the park, in the garden, walks out but STILL I feel this overwhelming feeling that the day is long and boring. Motherhood is boring, but hell, no one said this would be difficult. My husband works weekends mostly from Thurs-Sunday so basically on my own with my LO who is 2 years old. I love her to pieces and we do have fun together, though, as a toddler, she can be difficult on a 'bad day.'
I feel you. After reading so many comments, some nice, but others?? I'm appalled. 'Kindness' should be the top thing here. Not judgement.
Not everyone has the ability to just meet others in groups. Not everyone can just make arrangements with other mothers. Another thing, put them in nursery another day and work more? Sorry, but I'm sure money is an issue right now. It still costs so much than what is earned to do so.

I empathise with you. I'm feeling the same. I'm weepy and feel constantly knackered. New mum or not, no one has the right to put someone down. You don't know them or their child to do such a thing!