To be finding all the days so lonely with a toddler

[Pickupthelastbit]

I thought there was loads on for parents of small children, and we do go to a group every day.

The problem is they are only on in the mornings. They are nice to go to but nothing ever happens after them. So I’m left with a long long afternoon to fill and I find myself dreading them a bit.

Just a bit of a moan!

Tbh my life was like your 2-5 when my baby was wee. There was no one coming home to relieve that and every day would be the same until she got big enough to be good company.

It sounds like you’re waiting for someone else to be the entertainment and focus but you made this human and it’s you they want.

Fill that 2-5 with something you plan, painting, play doh, baking biscuits, going to the park… something different each day, something that stimulates them more than tv could and engage in it with them… something you can both look forward to

It’s 3hrs your alone with them
not 3 years if you want something to happen you can make it happen

Why not start one? Is there a local venue you could meet other parents at? Soft play, a community space or even organising a meet up at a local park for other local parents / carers. If there's nothing else on then others may jump at the chance of attending a less structured meet up.

I appreciate people are meaning to be helpful but I wasn’t really meaning that I wanted suggestions for things to do to fill the time.it’s more the fact time needs filling.

@SomePosters it is a long day with a toddler, as I’m sure you know. I think the point is that by the afternoon he’s not at his best and I’ve been up since 530/6 and I’m flagging and we’ve had a busy morning and we can do more things in the afternoon, but I wasn’t trying to get across that I was looking for endless lists of things to do.

I mean, am I the only one whose heart secretly sinks at another visit to the park or soft play or a kids farm? I mean, I do it because ds enjoys it and it’s lovely to see him happy but equally cost is prohibitive every day for some of these activities and energy does wane somewhat!

My intention honestly isn’t to sound discontent or to moan. I suppose I am just surprised after a sociable maternity leave how lonely those afternoons can seem.

Get to stay and play type groups in churh/community halls. You'll get to talk to people there.

Afternoons do drag. Do the park trip then. Plan your weekly shop for one, kids love a trolley ride.
Get him helping with chores. He's old enough to start to join in "cooking".

Go back to work FT

We don’t have any here on days I’m off work, @Hercisback . There is one on, but I’m in work on that day.

Any flexibility to swap work days?

Being back at work is trickier. People are naturally less available than they were on mat leave.

I mean, am I the only one whose heart secretly sinks at another visit to the park or soft play or a kids farm? I mean, I do it because ds enjoys it and it’s lovely to see him happy but equally cost is prohibitive every day for some of these activities and energy does wane somewhat!

To be honest no most people don't love it but I'm now bloody grateful it's even an option. Having a child during the pandemic where we could do none of those things, parks were physically locked and groups were closed has really made me appreciate just how much we take things for granted.

If your just looking for a moan then moan away but lots of posters have given you some really useful support and you're ignoring most of them which is coming across as quite rude.

This could help if it’s really getting you down

I remember those times, they were so boring. I used to invite friends over. One of my friends would come over for ‘crisp night’ and we’d just sit eating crisps and having a laugh. It was really refreshing to have some adult company.

When mine were small i just took them where i wanted to go. Heart definitely sank at prospect of park or playground on my own with them. I think because you said you were lonely, my suggestions were around ways of making other friends in the same boat. It seems only very recently that all this childhood enrichment became a thing. Previously (well in my experience) it was all about keeping parents sane.
I'd invite people to mine, go to theirs, meet them at the park so we could chat/moan whatever while the kids played. Obviously keeping an eye on them and playing referee.

Years ago I read a book called Nature's Masterpiece by Libby Purves. I recall a bit that made me laugh about some mum's using bathtime as enriching water play, and then the others (me!) bunging child in to bath to splash about to free up the time to sit on the loo/side of bath and paint our toenails.

All the making memories stuff on sm, coupled with most people being at work now, can make motherhood during toddler years lonely. So that's what you could be looking at...make more friends (or at least comrades for these difficult times)

@R0ckets i am TOTALLY with you there, that was really hard I’m not intending to come across as rude but people are repeating suggestions a little bit, and I don’t want to ignore them but I have explained I’m not asking for lists of things we could do in that time and I have explained we don’t really have the stay and play sort of things. I think the truth is toddlers are just hard going, and I knew this in an academic sort or sense but now I am immersed in it I feel it!

I think one of the problems is my days off fall on Thursday and Friday which means then I have the weekend, so four days feels a long time!

To be honest 3 days of nursery and a toddler group on the other 2 days is plenty, you don’t need a schedule for every single morning and afternoon. It’s good for small children to have downtime where they can just play with toys, read stories and not be ‘stimulated’ for once. I feel like we do too much to keep kids ‘entertained’ but its really because the parents don’t want to interact with them and play ‘boring’ games.

Or How not to be a perfect mother by Libby Purves. It's so refreshing (though dated probably)

I think this post illustrates how different people's needs can be as parents. When my 4 year old was 2, i worked three days. We went to one group on one of my days off and met with friends of mine maybe every few weeks. We also visited his grandparents once a month and had video calls with them every few days. I quite enjoyed pottering at home, doing activities, getting him involved in chores and going on wee trips to the park (we didn't tend to go to soft play or expensive things like that except as a treat). On difficult days when he was being a pain in the butt, or when he'd kept me awake the night before and i was knackered, i did clock watch, waiting for my husband to take a turn, but I wouldn't have said it was the norm. I would really struggle with meeting people or going out every day, it would just overwhelm me.

No, you're not the only one.
My work and life pattern was the same as yours and I absolutely loathed my afternoons at home. Like you, I could tolerate the mornings (Thank you Tumble Tots and Jo Jingles!) but detested the afternoons.
It really was just a case of clock watching and getting through.
Fortunately, despite the seeming endlessness, it's a very short period of the parenting 'journey'. Mine are now 20/30s and it's a distant memory. It's not realistic to expect to enjoy everything about parenting or every stage of their lives, and sometimes you just have to plough on with your eye on the big picture and know it will pass.
I think part of the problem is that we feel we should be enjoying it. Sometimes it helps just to reframe it as a chore to get through and keep your expectations low.

I found this when mine were smaller so after groups I'd ask if anyone wanted to come for a coffee. I now have some amazing mum friends to fill the days!

I mean, am I the only one whose heart secretly sinks at another visit to the park or soft play or a kids farm? I mean, I do it because ds enjoys it and it’s lovely to see him happy but equally cost is prohibitive every day for some of these activities and energy does wane somewhat!

Why on Earth are you doing a ‘treat’ activity every day? That’s not going to help him in any way, just set up unrealistic expectations about constantly being entertained in ‘fun, stimulating’ activities, tire him out and make him unable to occupy himself. Not the mention the cost.

DD is 3.5 and goes to nursery full time. We probably do something like soft play or a petting farm every 2-3 weeks on the weekends. In between we visit family/friends, go for beach walks, she comes on errands with me, go to the park, occasionally bake or do some kind of activity at home.

I’m really not surprising so many people find parenting so stressful, they make it stressful. It doesn’t need to be.

I’m not …

Im getting a lot of very confrontational replies here and I really don’t think they are warranted so I’ll bow out now. People were giving me lists of things I can do and I was explaining that this isn’t what I’m posting for or about.

You’re posting to moan about spending 2 afternoons a week with your own kid. It’s quite sad tbh!

I sometimes take mine to the pub late afternoon and we have a drink and an early dinner. Saves having to feed us both at home and gives us something to do. He loves it too... we take some colouring and they have some games like jenga there so we can build blocks whilst we wait.

Op it seems like a stay and play type of group would suit you. Is there any reason why you can't ask others in your local area if they want to meet up for something similar?

You say you don't want lists and wanted a moan, which is fine. But your original post read as though you were looking for advice and that's why posters have taken the time to give suggestions and advice.

Are you feeling a little down OP? I filled my time with my first because I couldn’t stand the quiet or boredom because I was depressed. I may be off the mark but wanted to ask the question just in case it was the right one.
I am Sahm now, dc3 is 4 yrs old and I get bored sometimes but I’m happy enough so it’s fine.

I think people are just trying to help with suggestions. But yes, like others, I am struggling to see why you can't embrace these 2 days with your little one.

Most toddler groups and activities are on in the morning because that's the time of day that most mothers struggle. The kids need out and to burn energy off before they nap. Then the afternoons pass more easily.

If you need more of a stay and play type group then have a look around all your local churches. I know one mum who lives quite rurally who set up her own in the local church hall. They took donations of toys to start them off and it's grown and grown to become a huge success.

If you are finding the afternoons to be your more difficult time of day then you need to find ways to pass the time more painlessly. Coffee afternoons at other mums' houses are a great way to share the burden. A PP mentioned some afternoons sitting together with snacks and a movie. You don't have to be running yourself ragged every afternoon.

My toddler wakes from his nap at 2. So that's 5 hours to fill til bedtime. Similar to yourself it's really only 2-5 that's an issue because at 5 we all have dinner together then it's bath time, stories and down for bed at 7. 3 hours from 2-5 can be filled by a movie together, some pottering at home, playing in the garden, helping with laundry, helping to bake, a wander to the shops.

Today we'll be meeting a friend and her toddler at a nearby café where they have a little play area. We'll have a coffee while the kids play. Then I'll take a slow stroll home with him to get some veg for tonight's dinner. I slow the pace to fill the afternoons. Toddlers like to dawdle so it's a good opportunity to slow your own pace of life. Going to by broccoli is literally an activity. Stick some earphones in and listen to an audiobook while you're out with him- I do that. I can still hear him and chatter back to him but I'm also listening to my favourite podcasts

I do understand, DD’s nap has just shifted from 12-2 until 1-3 so we have a shorter afternoon but it’s actually hard to fill it because there’s not as much time iyswim. We go out but the time we get somewhere it’s not long til we need to leave to get back for 5pm dinner. Sometimes I just give her a bath then go to the small park at the end of the road.