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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be finding all the days so lonely with a toddler

114 replies

Pickupthelastbit · 03/03/2023 07:36

I thought there was loads on for parents of small children, and we do go to a group every day.

The problem is they are only on in the mornings. They are nice to go to but nothing ever happens after them. So I’m left with a long long afternoon to fill and I find myself dreading them a bit.

Just a bit of a moan!

OP posts:
Dillydallydilly · 03/03/2023 11:00

I’m really surprised by the comments here.

im totally with you OP. 2-5 is really hard.

Hebehouse · 03/03/2023 11:06

I think most of our posts are acknowledging that it's hard, hence offering suggestions. OP said she was lonely right there in her first post, so my responses were to suggest ways of combating that, as well as a bit of sympathy. I do think it's hard, and I'm grateful that when my children were small, there were more people about during the day.

Getthefiregoing · 03/03/2023 11:14

Dillydallydilly · 03/03/2023 11:00

I’m really surprised by the comments here.

im totally with you OP. 2-5 is really hard.

But this isn't a constructive conversation. What's the point in endless replies saying, "yes it is hard." Better that posters share ways of making it less difficult and lonely for OP, surely.

I do think it's a mindset thing. I sometimes have days where I find it lonely and slow going but the best days are always when I make sure we get out in the morning and when I embrace the slower pace of life.

00100001 · 03/03/2023 15:44

Dillydallydilly · 03/03/2023 11:00

I’m really surprised by the comments here.

im totally with you OP. 2-5 is really hard.

Nobody is saying it isn't...

Murdoch1949 · 03/03/2023 15:54

Walk after lunch, park & playground, after school lots of children arrive so toddler will be entertained. Home at 4 pm for tea.

Hevviie · 03/03/2023 16:01

I know how you feel OP, I have a one year old and I'm incredibly lucky to have the option of going to my parents on days when it's just the two of us, without the option I would feel exactly as you do. I am obsessed with my daughter, she has improved my life a million times over, but entertaining her one on one all day long can be really daunting (I'm a FTM). I hope you can find some solutions, I'm sorry I don't have any but sending solidarity x

IAmTheWalrus85 · 03/03/2023 16:19

Can you try church playgroups? They tend to be unstructured so it’s really easy to get chatting to other mums. Cheap, too.

IAmTheWalrus85 · 03/03/2023 16:20

(I do understand they aren’t on in the afternoon - I just mean they’re a good place to make friends).

Strikeback · 03/03/2023 16:24

I think you just need to use your imagination, OP. So what if all the shopping is online? There must be times when you just fancy some chocolate or forgot to buy onions or something. Then you pop to the shop, via the swings. Or (my personal fave) put him up on a chair at the kitchen sink with a ton of plastic and bubbles, while you do some cooking.
Then you wash the kitchen floor 😀

SqueakyRadish · 03/03/2023 17:04

I've gotta admit, I love being by myself, or just with my kids, so I'm sure I'm not really going to understand how you feel.

But yes, you're spot on with the whole "days are long but the years are short"... it absolutely feels like the days go obv forever sometimes, and then all of a sudden you have a bunch of teenagers and you'd love to just go back to those toddler days just for an afternoon and experience it again.

Do you have any pre- children friends who are ever around during the day? Even if it's just for a phone call, to hear another adult voice? Or anyone you could invite over for coffee now and then?

I definitely think that once the weather is warmer it helps because you'll tend to be in and out of the garden with the kid/s and find more things to busy yourself with

I know you said you didn't necessarily want suggestions of things to do, but I'm just going to say that baking or making playdough, or creating art with pasta etc are all great things you can do with a toddler that don't involve having to go out again but might just help break up that long stretch in the afternoon?

SapphireSunday · 03/03/2023 17:06

I have an 18 month old and one day off during the week with her and I often think afternoons can be dull. Our mornings feel manic, by the time we are both up and dressed, had breakfast, walked the dog it’s time for playgroup and then when we get back it’s time for lunch and nap. And then she wakes up and I just can’t be arsed to do anything else but equally it’s boring staying in!

There are some nice little play activities on Pinterest that you can just set up and let them get on with it if you are interested in looking.

For us it doesn’t help that my body wants to relax as it’s Friday but she won’t allow that 😂

NerdyMama · 03/03/2023 17:15

If he's napping, make the most of it! I know what you mean about feeling a bit starved of adult conversation but I so so miss maternity leave now when life is so busy with school-aged children and working full-time. Do you have any interests you can pursue? Like dancing, exercise, crafting or learning a language? Even just catching up on TV series or reading!

Ellemeg82 · 03/03/2023 17:19

I also used to find the afternoons hard. Especially between 2-5 like you said after my son had napped.
We would still try and go out as I hated being stuck at home.
So a routine might be go to a morning toddler group or something like park/feed the ducks, then home for lunch and nap and then in the afternoons we would go do the food shop (take our time!), maybe go into town, visit grandparents, visit a friend, go to the library.
But the afternoons were hard and lonely. I never did manage to make any mum friends!

LuckyC27 · 03/03/2023 18:49

Totally feel you! I’m a morning person so always full of energy for activities/parks/groups/swimming etc then home lunch, nap and it’s those few hours until hubby is home and your not as full of energy. 2.5 year old doesn’t like to play independently and it’s ok to not want to play for hours on end and to find that boring but still want to be with your toddler a few days a week.

Genevie82 · 03/03/2023 18:50

OP I totally get it .. afternoons are a long stretch and it’s tiring interacting with a toddler all day. My tip to survival is buy some annual passes to local wildlife parks / zoos where you can put them in wellies, get yourself a hot chocolate and walk about after them. It will pass the time and it’s something! X

cherish123 · 03/03/2023 18:53

Is there a local NCT group? They often have coffee open houses and you don't have to be a member.
Could you take DC to the park and then to a café or supermarket or garden centre around 4pm to break up the afternoon?
A museum?

cherish123 · 03/03/2023 18:54

Zoo or annual.pass is good idea, @Genevie82

DisneyGirl2329 · 03/03/2023 19:05

My DS is 2 and doesn't nap. I am like you, busy in the mornings with groups etc and then the afternoon lasts FOREVER! I try and set things up like playdoh, painting but my DS only likes it for about 5 minutes. So as much as I love spending time with him the afternoons can be LONG!

Willowrose63 · 03/03/2023 19:56

The afternoons do last forever! Also not a massive fan of the 2 til 5 slot.

PrimarilyParented · 03/03/2023 20:56

I personally used a park trip mid/late afternoon as a way to break it up, even if we had been out already. I also found that in nice weather there were often the same people at the park at that time and so I would chat to other moms I recognised from baby groups. I also sometimes used the opportunity to call family or friends who weren’t at work at that time (either overseas or retired etc.) so you could try that as it does help reduce the loneliness to talk to another adult.

Catwench · 03/03/2023 21:01

I always go for a walk, sometimes twice a day. I have done since he was very young. He used to use that time to nap, now we look at the ducks together. He’s the only child I’ve ever had any contact with, I do my best but generally I’m at a loss as to what to do. I’m not great at staying in the house on my own, equally I’ve always found it hard to meet people at groups as everyone seems to know each other so I feel like a spare part.

IWineAndDontDine · 03/03/2023 22:22

Moonicorn · 03/03/2023 09:51

You’re posting to moan about spending 2 afternoons a week with your own kid. It’s quite sad tbh!

No they are posting to vent that hours alone with a toddler can be lonely... which it can.... regardless of how much you love them.... what's sad is that you are so unempathetic you can't see that

Shimmermetimbers · 03/03/2023 22:32

I have a 2 year old and am a SAHM. I dont have any friends or family where we live now so am on my own for 11 hours a day, in general, 5 days a week.

I have to go out morning and afternoon as it really breaks the day up. Even just a trip to the supermarket or a walk is good. Also, I find structure helps massively. Get to the next snack time, bit of down time, then it's time to make tea, eat it, bath time with daddy etc. Breaking it all into small manageable chunks.

I have to say though, after 20 years of work, I am finding these years a lovely break! I love the autonomy I have over my days, no work stress, can shut my eyes after lunch with a bit of Paw Patrol on. Ill miss it when its over.

Mumof2girls2121 · 04/03/2023 06:45

I find Playing with toddlers boring , other people always seem so good at it, I worked full time with my first from 12 months but this 2nd time around I’m home working and she’s with me much more, an hour can seem like a day doing stickering or watching Peppa, I found it does get easier and more fun when they can chat! I hope it does for you too!

Toddlermumhere · 04/03/2023 07:04

Have you ever heard of a tuff tray? You can put simple activities out for your child that interests them in there. There are groups on Facebook that give ideas of what can go in there. This would break up the time hopefully, if my 2 year old is interested in whatever is in there it can be a entertainment on and off all afternoon. We now have a box full of stuff that can be easily thrown in the tray for if we have long afternoon, the favourite at the moment is cereal and kids baking utensils to mix and fill.

I’ve found another easy entertainment is letting them help make tea, for example if having pasta, I will put dry pasta in a pan and give my child a spoon and let him fill and empty the pan whilst I’m sorting out tea.