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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be finding all the days so lonely with a toddler

114 replies

Pickupthelastbit · 03/03/2023 07:36

I thought there was loads on for parents of small children, and we do go to a group every day.

The problem is they are only on in the mornings. They are nice to go to but nothing ever happens after them. So I’m left with a long long afternoon to fill and I find myself dreading them a bit.

Just a bit of a moan!

OP posts:
Zola1 · 03/03/2023 08:34

Days off with a 2 year old, I would go to a group, go home and do lunch, then nap, then something like the park, swimming, a bug hunt in the garden, crafts, baking, walk to the library, go to the woods in wellies and look for a bear, go for a walk along the beach, feed the ducks, have a tea party or a birthday party for one of their teddies or dolls (cheap, tiring and time consuming!).
I actually love days at home with a toddler but I understand it being a bit boring sometimes. Have you tried any of the mum friend apps? I've a close group of friends who I met on a parenting forum 13 years ago and always saw them once a week

WhatNoRaisins · 03/03/2023 08:35

I get this and I think the cold weather isn't helping. It's easier when it's nice enough to spend longer outside and there are more people about o think.

Letsplayvets · 03/03/2023 08:38

When I worked 4 days per week I used to find that single afternoon a struggle, I know how you feel OP. It’s that after-school time, but when you don’t have a school aged child it can feel a bit lonely. Soft play is a good suggestion. Or swimming. Or planning to do your weekly shop or any other chores you need to do which get you out of the house.

Username24680 · 03/03/2023 08:40

@Pickupthelastbit I actually agree with you that sometimes the afternoon can be long. Especially in poor weather.

I don’t think you’ve mentioned what age your child is. My DS is 2 and I work 3 days per week. He doesn’t nap at all any more. DH also works away from home for weeks at a time and we have no family nearby so we have a lot of time where it’s just DS and I.

Our days usually look something like:

  • up at 5.30/6ish breakfast, clean up, put a wash on etc
  • DS plays for a while and I get ready then get him ready
  • toddler group each day usually 10-11.30ish. We live about a 20/25 min walk from town so we walk to the group and walk home sometimes with a trip to the park on the way/way home depending on time/weather etc.
  • Lunch and tidy up 12-1ish
  • 1pm-5pm - DS helps me with chores that need done in the house, we play - magnet tiles, play doh, kinetic sand, drawing/painting, jigsaws, cars etc - whatever he wants really! I try to give him the choice as it usually keeps him interested for longer if he’s picked it. If it’s not pouring then I try and get back out for a bit - take him out with his bike or scooter, go for a walk in the forest/beach (I appreciate not everyone has these nearby!), play football in the garden.
  • He then helps me cook dinner. I give him things to chop/scoop etc
  • 5.30pm - dinner
  • 6pm - bath, brush teeth, books and bed for 7ish
Original poster
Pickupthelastbit · 03/03/2023 08:40

@Getthefiregoing it is a lovely balance and I am very lucky. I’m literally just explaining I find the afternoons tough.

I do chat to people at the groups, but the thing is that the groups are based around structured type activities. Talking through it would just not be appropriate, really - I mean, obviously no one sits there in silence but equally it isn’t a group where the children play and you chat. They are definitely for the children and not the adults.

Even if I was able to make friends (I did on maternity leave) it just isn’t always easy meeting up with toddlers, especially as a PP said if they have younger or oOder children so naps / pick ups from school.

I do feel as if I’m being given a bit of a hard time here and I’m not sure why. It is that tricky time in the afternoon I find hard, it is lonely and it feels disproportionately long. Equally it isn’t forever and I do know this. I suspect that’s where the days are long years are short saying comes from.

OP posts:
Whinge · 03/03/2023 08:43

I mean, obviously no one sits there in silence but equally it isn’t a group where the children play and you chat. They are definitely for the children and not the adults.

Perhaps you could look for a more relaxed group on one of the two days?

junebirthdaygirl · 03/03/2023 08:43

It's good for a toddler to be out and about seeing what happens in life. It gives you things to chat to him about and develops his vocabulary and curiosity. So maybe bring him to the supermarket / bank/ post office/ library etc so he gets to experience different settings. There might be a parent/ toddler session in the library some days . Is there toys there he could play with and then pick out a few books to bring home.
When l was a stay at home mom l always tried to have something on in that afternoon space as l never minded the morning but ran out of steam after the nap in the afternoon.
it will definitely be easier when the days get warmer.

DashboardConfessional · 03/03/2023 08:46

I suspect it's because you have what most consider to be the ideal - mix of work and time off. Some people think you therefore can't complain. I do too and have had some catty comments from ex-NCT friends!

Honestly if Covid/nursery closures hadn't messed with my career I would have wanted to go back to full time, or least 9-3 Mon-Fri, a couple of years ago but we're only 6 months off school now!

Are you near anything like National Trusts? We have used the hell out of our memberships since 2019.

Hilldrops · 03/03/2023 08:46

When my eldest was that age I tended to do organised activities in the morning, then she'd nap at home and we'd do less structured things in the afternoon - soft play, farm visits, park, library. Plus we had some structured classes some afternoons to. Worth looking online to see if there are any you could travel to (I used to spend nap time outside with DD napping in the buggy so we could go to Sing and Sign a few miles away). Hated trying to fill the time on my own at home - things would get too chaotic and I'd be left clearing it up after.

I have 2 DDs now and I'm not left trying to fill the time this time around - afternoons are spent trying to organise snacks and meals for the next day and I try to fit in all chores and batch cooking before picking up DD and ferrying her to after school clubs. I miss those long afternoons now!

Original poster
Pickupthelastbit · 03/03/2023 08:46

Absolutely @junebirthdaygirl and he is out a lot, and I do mean a lot. Equally though, we can’t be out all the time. Afternoons aren’t great times for going out. He’s always very grumpy after his nap and it takes around an hour for him to come round properly - in that time he can be very difficult. That takes us to 3pm and going anywhere then would bring us directly into school run traffic then rush hour traffic, which isn’t ideal.

We don’t spend every afternoon at home or in the garden but I have found that taking him out in the afternoon after a busy morning is a lot for him and tends to be based more around need than actually being good for either of us.

OP posts:
notthisagainforest · 03/03/2023 08:47

Try and get out more if you can

Original poster
Pickupthelastbit · 03/03/2023 08:47

We are NT members but the ones most local to us aren’t amazing for toddlers to be honest. And a lot of it is that whatever you’re doing, you’re doing alone, isn’t it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pickupthelastbit · 03/03/2023 08:48

We get out a lot, honestly. If anything, I think we’re out too much. I still find the afternoons a bit of a drag.

OP posts:
Moonicorn · 03/03/2023 08:48

I sort of understood at first but you work 3 days a week and attend toddler groups on the other 2? So 2 afternoons a week alone with your toddler and you’re moaning? Why have a kid if you find a few hours in their just their presence twice a week so hard to cope with?!

Original poster
Pickupthelastbit · 03/03/2023 08:51

I’m not intending to moan, just explaining I do find the afternoons long, really long. Not sure why! You’re right and I should have it in perspective a bit more probably.

I think it’s because when you look online around my area there’s absolutely loads to do, but it’s pretty much all on at the same time! It would be nice if it was spread through the day a little bit more, but I get that wouldn’t work for most people.

OP posts:
ProfessorInkling · 03/03/2023 08:52

It’s hard, my kids are teenagers now but I can still remember that feeling of time slowing down and being pretty lonely at times, despite lots going on overall.

it’ll get better when the weather warms up and you can sit in parks, I used to go alone but chat to anyone else while there.

or book a babysitter for one of the afternoons and go out alone for a mooch around the shops, sit in a coffee shop and do a bit of people watching. Or go to a gym class, maybe one with a crèche?

it’s all ebb and flow at this stage, it’s about getting through the weeks and finding a new rhythm often. Don’t be too wedded to the routine you’re in and try things, and if they don’t work - no biggie, on to the next.

preschool brings friendships and play dates that are more successful in my experience.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 03/03/2023 08:54

You dont need to be out all the time. Start encouraging some independant play, pop a film on and sit together and watch some of it, you don't need to entertain them 24/7, they're your days off too

R0ckets · 03/03/2023 08:54

I think it’s because when you look online around my area there’s absolutely loads to do, but it’s pretty much all on at the same time! It would be nice if it was spread through the day a little bit more, but I get that wouldn’t work for most people.

If there's lots on then find another group where the children play run riot
and use it as a chance to talk to other parents as it sounds like you want adult company.

That way you won't be as lonely and your son will get time to play.

Swiftswatch · 03/03/2023 08:55

Pickupthelastbit · 03/03/2023 07:50

Thanks, I do work 3 days a week. It is tricky as could do with biting the bullet and asking for numbers but the groups are structured so no ‘chat’ time. Plus toddler at a ‘mummyyyy’ age so chatting difficult!

Look for stay and plays rather than structures groups. Things in a library tend to be much more casual and easier for conversation and the same with stay and plays.

Original poster
Pickupthelastbit · 03/03/2023 08:56

I have looked, but there just aren’t any on the days I am off work. Most are small business / franchise sort of stuff, they are very good and ds does enjoy them which is the main thing.

OP posts:
Moxysright · 03/03/2023 08:56

I feel you OP I like to be up and out early but sometimes I find our day is ‘over’ by lunch time. Then the lingering afternoon until you start tea. I like to buy little craft activities like you sometime see in shops like paint your own Easter egg / paint by numbers / playdoh I find that kills an hour or two on the boring afternoons

Original poster
Pickupthelastbit · 03/03/2023 08:57

Yes, the day starts v early with toddlers as well!

OP posts:
TheWayTheLightFalls · 03/03/2023 08:57

Playdates
outing to the shop for one thing you need
Borrow a neighbour’s dog for a walk / visit (Borrow my Doggy)
playground

I agree with you, hated it with my first. Luckily now we have the school run 😁

TheWayTheLightFalls · 03/03/2023 08:58

Also, tv

Nevermind31 · 03/03/2023 08:58

Friends, park, farm/ pet shop, shopping, a bit of telly, baking, crafts, swimming, soft play, museum, …