Male Friend is Like Shallow Hal

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I've had a male friend through a shared interest for a few months. We tend to meet up at least once a week. We speak throughout most days and I've been to his flat. Pretty close.

HOWEVER, I'm fed up of him at the moment because of how openly shallow he is. He's about three years younger than me, and tend to ask me for career and dating advice.

Recent things:

• Strung a woman he met through a dating app along for at least 2+ months. I think they only went on about 7 days, though after they had sex once he ghosted her. He only eventually broke up with her when I told him he was wasting her time and he should let her meet someone who does care. He just avoided her for weeks while trying to meet other women.
• Pretended to have a niche ethical belief to join a group a lot of women are in.
• Wanted to change jobs for a pay increase to attract women. When I commented that you don't want to be with someone who just likes you for money, he said he wouldn't mind if they were beautiful.
• His currently 'soulmate' is a woman he's met twice (for a total of 4 hours) two months apart. He said because she's beautiful they have so much in common.

He can be interesting to talk to, though it's honestly making me feel depressed. He almost never matches women on dating apps (he's 5'8 which is maybe a factor) whereas I match most men. I couldn't date someone so shallow, but I guess it makes me feel ugly.

I didn't mind giving him career advice (he'd normally ask how to negotiate a raise) but have no idea why he felt I'd be the best person to go to for sexist dating advice rather than another man.

Last year, Mean Girl had said loudly that she hates women. Me and the other guy at the table were shocked. I pointed out that I'm a woman. She said I was an exception.

It feels like that. Yet I'm still being insulted.

But that's fine imo @MyopicBunny
He doesn't have to date anyone, he can choose what he likes in exactly the same way as the female choosing gets to choose war she likes. So, if he would rather be single than date someone over size 8, thats entirely up to him. Absolutely regardless of how fat/ugly he is.

I think I'm the same as him. I love being single. Love it. Even if I was short and fat, I don't want to go out with someone short and fat. I want someone fit, and if that means I'm single because the fit guys don't want me, that's absolutely fine.

It's up to him, but it certainly shows what kind of person he is and I think he'll be single a long time lol.

I personally would not be friends with someone who had poor values and treats people badly.

You end up picking up the traits of the people closest to you.

How does it show what kind of a person he is? It possible says I'm very happy with my single life, and very confident in what I want and don't want.

This.

So why are you here posting?

It's just conversation.

I probably am codependent but a lot of women are socialised to be that way. It's only recently that I've started cutting people off instead of feeling obligated to be nice to them.

Nonsense; men don’t date 25 year old women because they want to control them, they date them because they are more attractive

There are dozens of cross cultural scientific studies showing that youth is one of the most robust predictors of female attractiveness/desirability (especially in a short term dating/causal sex context, but also for relationships), and there are obvious evolutionary reasons why this is the case.

labs.la.utexas.edu/buss/files/2019/03/Why-is-age-so-important-in-mating-2019-FINAL-PUBLISHED.pdf

www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886903002095

www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1090513801000654

www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0001691821001359

Why on earth do you want to be friends with or impress these people? They might be shallow and mean but you are being spineless.

The alternative was spending most of my time alone, as I've said in other comments. Thanks for the insult though.

Oh come off it. I’m sure there’s plenty of other people/groups around you. It’s not an insult, you sat back and let these people insult that poor woman. How would you describe that other than spineless?

I received a message from a man on a dating site. He was mid 50s, average looking and bald and wrote in his bio 'sorry, I don't date anyone bigger than a size 8'

Both men and women like to think they have a shot at dating physically attractive people even if they are 'average' looking themselves. I don't recall too many dating profiles from women specifically looking for run of the mill Mr Average types. Is the above bloke specifying a size 8 any different then a women insisting on a 6ft male? Is she entitled?

You are exceptionally naive @MoneyPrize2283 if you don't realise that for some men, control is precisely what it's about. Of course for some it's about looks.

That was the first time I'd met up with them in more than two months. It caught me off guard.

Exactly. Hence the question and the previous replies. Grow up.

In the real world it really isn't a big issue. In online dating some women do filter out men below a certain height. Women get far more online matches than men do, and sometimes you have to use some sort of filter and height is the easiest. Online dating is fairly toxic anyway though.

Most women are looking for a guy who is a decent person. Compared with men.

Yet you're still hanging around with them...

I think Valentinesquestion may have a point. You get the impression they don't like you, well, you don't like them. But you're all still hanging around each other. What's going on here?