Male Friend is Like Shallow Hal

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I've had a male friend through a shared interest for a few months. We tend to meet up at least once a week. We speak throughout most days and I've been to his flat. Pretty close.

HOWEVER, I'm fed up of him at the moment because of how openly shallow he is. He's about three years younger than me, and tend to ask me for career and dating advice.

Recent things:

• Strung a woman he met through a dating app along for at least 2+ months. I think they only went on about 7 days, though after they had sex once he ghosted her. He only eventually broke up with her when I told him he was wasting her time and he should let her meet someone who does care. He just avoided her for weeks while trying to meet other women.
• Pretended to have a niche ethical belief to join a group a lot of women are in.
• Wanted to change jobs for a pay increase to attract women. When I commented that you don't want to be with someone who just likes you for money, he said he wouldn't mind if they were beautiful.
• His currently 'soulmate' is a woman he's met twice (for a total of 4 hours) two months apart. He said because she's beautiful they have so much in common.

He can be interesting to talk to, though it's honestly making me feel depressed. He almost never matches women on dating apps (he's 5'8 which is maybe a factor) whereas I match most men. I couldn't date someone so shallow, but I guess it makes me feel ugly.

Ooh oooh - life painting?

@AnyMucca
It's not. There are some lovely men around. Ti be fair, I didn't discover this till I was 46, just used to think all men were selfish and shallow and you have to take your pick from that.

He probably lacks self esteem. Maybe just focus on the hobbies etc and tell him you’re not interested in discussing his dating habits as, in that area at least, as he’s too shallow to have any meaningful conversations with.

I agree with this. I have at least one other platonic male friend of more than a decade and he's never said anything vaguely like the above. Both of his girlfriends have been almost the same age as him.

My ex only went out with women the same age as him and always told me I didn't need botox or to wear make up.

It's just been a shock to know people think this way.

Two months ago, I was at a table with Mean Girl and Shallow Hal. Another woman Shallow Hal was friends with got up and left. Mean Girl comments "She's so ugly." and Shallow Hal responds "I know." - She was just overweight.

Wanted to change jobs for a pay increase to attract women.

Not sure why this is controversial. A bloke having a well paid stable job and being solvent is something plenty of women will find important/attractive.

The point was he said he didn't care if they were with him JUST for money as long as they were beautiful.

Women do tend to go for tall men, is this somehow news to you?! It’s not OPs fault.

You all sound pretty ugly personality wise, perhaps ditch the people you’re bitching about, find new friends and work a bit on why you think women dislike normal sized men - that comment gave major incel vibes.

You really don’t need to be their friend. They actually sound vile as human beings. i’d hate to be around people who bad mouth other people, you know they must say stuff about you too.

@Naunet some women like tall men, we’re not one big group with the same tastes. How is that news to you? Quite a lot of women don’t like tall men, have you ever tried kissing one? Your neck hurts like fuck.

That’s no different from a woman dating a much older man ‘as long as he’s rich’. Both shallow but if non-shallow people can avoid them then they can have their own dating pools without bothering others.

I'm not on any data apps and haven't said any preference on height.

What I did say is I think he treats women worse because he's insecure about it. He's mentioned his height quite a few times. A lot of women on apps won't match a man under a certain height.

*dating apps

Hence the word ‘tend’, and the lack of the word ‘all’. My own partner is 5’7 (and a half!)

In the real world I don’t think height matters nearly as much as OLD apps etc would make you believe. If I liked a guy in real life it made no difference to me if he was 5’6 or 6’1.

I suppose. It's just weird since he has multiple platonic female friends he seems to respect (not the one in the example above obviously). One of the women he's platonic friends with is stereotypically good looking.

The women he dates he seems to have no connection with at all and drops them instantly.

I'm going to stop thinking about it. He probably just has some commitment issue.

He made a comment this week that was the final straw and I've backed off since.

But how many men do you see with partners towering over them? It matters just as much to men, maybe even more.

He specifically looks for women he describes as short. His platonic female friends, including me, are all his height or an inch or two shorter.

I’d say him being a short arse has something to do with it. In my online dating days the munchkins behaved a lot worse than the man-sized men. It’s like they had something to prove.

Fair play to you. However, the desire to meet a 'tall, strong, handsome man' trope is alive and kicking. I certainly noticed plenty of dating profiles that explicitly stated a minimum height preference in the write up, often closely followed by some glib 'no baldies either' remark.

Yeah it is shocking when you see this side of men, but never personally known any like this. They exist but you can avoid them.

@BellePeppa

I present to you Exhibit A

"In my online dating days the munchkins behaved a lot worse than the man-sized men."

😂

Do you fancy him OP? Or want him to find you attractive? Just because you said it’s making you ‘feel ugly’?

Ultimately if it’s making you feel bad about yourself, it’s not a good friendship. I would distance myself.

am interested in your comment 'He almost never matches women on dating apps (he's 5'8 which is maybe a factor)'. Are you saying most women are so shallow they make judgements solely on height? My grown up son is 5'7 - should I tell him to give up hope of finding a partner?

I would say definitely the majority, though I wouldnt necessarily call it shallow, just a reality. Of course short men can get dates and relationships but it’s multiple times easier for taller men.

He sounds a lot like a male 'friend' I thought I had - for 16 years!!!! Is he from London? This man also hangs around with multiple women and strings people along. We had the same sort of friendship that you describe with him trying to get feedback from me about stuff.

I finally saw the light and realised that he's probably a sociopath when I spoke to a woman that he'd got pregnant and then he had forced her to have an abortion that she didn't want. He told her all sorts of lies including that I was also of the opinion that she shouldn't have the baby when I hadn't even known a thing about it - I was livid.

Then I looked back through his behaviours - again, like your 'friend' superficially shallow, obsessed with how other people (and himself) look. One of my Facebook friends is a model and he became obsessed with her, even though she's married and he's never met her. Talking about her as if he knew her and asking me questions about her.

He also had no regard for ethics or morals and was always breaking the law. He sees himself as superior to others. And therefore he can treat others badly.

The thing to know about people like this is that if they treat one person badly, they will treat everyone badly. And this sort of behaviour goes beyond being a bit of a player.