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AIBU?

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Original poster

Male Friend is Like Shallow Hal

122 replies

history85 · 02/03/2023 22:54

I've had a male friend through a shared interest for a few months. We tend to meet up at least once a week. We speak throughout most days and I've been to his flat. Pretty close.

HOWEVER, I'm fed up of him at the moment because of how openly shallow he is. He's about three years younger than me, and tend to ask me for career and dating advice.

Recent things:

  • Strung a woman he met through a dating app along for at least 2+ months. I think they only went on about 7 days, though after they had sex once he ghosted her. He only eventually broke up with her when I told him he was wasting her time and he should let her meet someone who does care. He just avoided her for weeks while trying to meet other women.
  • Pretended to have a niche ethical belief to join a group a lot of women are in.
  • Wanted to change jobs for a pay increase to attract women. When I commented that you don't want to be with someone who just likes you for money, he said he wouldn't mind if they were beautiful.
  • His currently 'soulmate' is a woman he's met twice (for a total of 4 hours) two months apart. He said because she's beautiful they have so much in common.

He can be interesting to talk to, though it's honestly making me feel depressed. He almost never matches women on dating apps (he's 5'8 which is maybe a factor) whereas I match most men. I couldn't date someone so shallow, but I guess it makes me feel ugly.

OP posts:
FakeBilly · 03/03/2023 06:44

CupEmpty · 03/03/2023 06:06

@history85 do you want him to fancy you? I’m picking up from your posts that you’d like him to see you as desirable. Not necessarily because you want a relationship, maybe are you feeling rejected by proxy ?

This. And I also agree with @Valentinesquestion — the friends you choose are a reflection on you.

Yabusux · 03/03/2023 06:48

I am interested in your comment 'He almost never matches women on dating apps (he's 5'8 which is maybe a factor)'. Are you saying most women are so shallow they make judgements solely on height? My grown up son is 5'7 - should I tell him to give up hope of finding a partner?

piedbeauty · 03/03/2023 06:59

Why are you still friends with him? He's a misogynistic, sleazy, shallow creep.

I'd tell him that then back right off.

arethereanyleftatall · 03/03/2023 07:03

You don't have to be friends with him. I wouldn't be because he sounds like a dickhead.

MiniDinosaur · 03/03/2023 07:06

You lost me at your comment about his height (shallow), sorry.

HikingforScenery · 03/03/2023 07:09

CupEmpty · 03/03/2023 06:06

@history85 do you want him to fancy you? I’m picking up from your posts that you’d like him to see you as desirable. Not necessarily because you want a relationship, maybe are you feeling rejected by proxy ?

I interpreted the post this way too. OP, if you fancy him, it looks like it’ll only end in hurt

Clippp · 03/03/2023 07:09

Yabusux · 03/03/2023 06:48

I am interested in your comment 'He almost never matches women on dating apps (he's 5'8 which is maybe a factor)'. Are you saying most women are so shallow they make judgements solely on height? My grown up son is 5'7 - should I tell him to give up hope of finding a partner?

I don't think it is most women - it is definitely some though.

My husband is 5'8''. When my friend was using dating sites she made a massive deal about not dating a man shorter than 6'. I thought it was pretty odd, especially as she is short (5'1'') - and the amount she went on about it also felt like a PA dig at my DH. She has revealed a lot about herself in ways like this over the years including that she can't be trusted. We're still friends but only one notch up from acquaintance when we used to be close. I wouldn't want my son with a woman like this tbh (I know I'm projecting other behaviours onto this though).

Your friend sounds immature @history85, amongst other things...I would find that pretty tedious in a friend and would naturally lose interest in spending time with him. I don't think most men are like this (I don't think he is unusual either). He's making you feel depressed now he's shown you who he is...

HikingforScenery · 03/03/2023 07:13

Yabusux · 03/03/2023 06:48

I am interested in your comment 'He almost never matches women on dating apps (he's 5'8 which is maybe a factor)'. Are you saying most women are so shallow they make judgements solely on height? My grown up son is 5'7 - should I tell him to give up hope of finding a partner?

I think the OP said ‘maybe a factor’. It’s not the only thing. She’s also just guessing. She’s not offering dating advice.
Lots of women won’t date men shorter than them. Many will.

Crazykefir · 03/03/2023 07:13

I also want to know what the shared interest is?

User98866 · 03/03/2023 07:17

Yabusux · 03/03/2023 06:48

I am interested in your comment 'He almost never matches women on dating apps (he's 5'8 which is maybe a factor)'. Are you saying most women are so shallow they make judgements solely on height? My grown up son is 5'7 - should I tell him to give up hope of finding a partner?

women are that shallow. Maybe it’s certain ages or certain apps but db (5ft7) spent about a year on dating apps and said the majority of women have ‘don’t even bother if your under X height’ on their profiles Shock.

arethereanyleftatall · 03/03/2023 07:18

Is it shallow to have things/not things that attract you to another person? I would have thought that makes everyone shallow doesn't it? I would have thought most people would have preferences. I also am not attracted to short men, I wouldn't have thought that was a personality flaw of mine, just a personal preference.

JackiePlace · 03/03/2023 07:20

He sounds like an arse. Also sounds to me like you fancy him OP.

ReneBumsWombats · 03/03/2023 07:22

Yabusux · 03/03/2023 06:48

I am interested in your comment 'He almost never matches women on dating apps (he's 5'8 which is maybe a factor)'. Are you saying most women are so shallow they make judgements solely on height? My grown up son is 5'7 - should I tell him to give up hope of finding a partner?

A lot of women on dating apps won't consider men under 6 foot, apparently.

However, this 5'8" dickhead seems to find them, so I wouldn't worry.

Pashazade · 03/03/2023 07:24

This is not a group of people you actually like so why are you still part of this group. They sound high maintenance and I'm afraid a shared hobby would not be enough for me.

ArcticSkewer · 03/03/2023 07:28

Yabusux · 03/03/2023 06:48

I am interested in your comment 'He almost never matches women on dating apps (he's 5'8 which is maybe a factor)'. Are you saying most women are so shallow they make judgements solely on height? My grown up son is 5'7 - should I tell him to give up hope of finding a partner?

Why would you tell him that??

He will know already that dating online is harder if he puts his actual height. He doesn't need his mother to stick the boot in. Ouch!

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 03/03/2023 07:35

Why are you bothering to be friends with this bloke? Just tell him you think he's shallow and don't bother with him any more.

Original poster
history85 · 03/03/2023 07:51

I don't want to name the hobby to risk people being identified. It's not relevant.

After the break up I joined something to be less isolated where I'm living.

I have spoken to the Mea Girls type woman for the best part of a month. She seemed nice the first few months.

The main affect it's having on me is I'm now considering botox, teeth whitening, weight loss (I'm already slim) and previously I didn't care about these things, but they do.

I'll probably join another hobby instead or volunteer.

OP posts:
Original poster
history85 · 03/03/2023 07:52

Should say

"I haven't spoken to the Mean Girls type woman for the best part of a month. She seemed nice the first few months."

OP posts:
ReneBumsWombats · 03/03/2023 07:53

I don't want to name the hobby to risk people being identified. It's not relevant.

Well it sounds like it attracts awful people so maybe you could tell us just as a warning. We really won't know this 5'8" prick from all the others, honestly.

QueefQueen80s · 03/03/2023 07:53

The going for women so much younger would stop me being their friend too.
You don't need these awful people, life is too short.

arethereanyleftatall · 03/03/2023 08:02

history85 · 03/03/2023 07:51

I don't want to name the hobby to risk people being identified. It's not relevant.

After the break up I joined something to be less isolated where I'm living.

I have spoken to the Mea Girls type woman for the best part of a month. She seemed nice the first few months.

The main affect it's having on me is I'm now considering botox, teeth whitening, weight loss (I'm already slim) and previously I didn't care about these things, but they do.

I'll probably join another hobby instead or volunteer.

Please just change hobby rather than change your face op. Plenty of hobbies about with nice people in them!

arethereanyleftatall · 03/03/2023 08:04

I am also very intrigued at what hobby would attract such fake people though. Although maybe it's just a coincidence that two fake people joined.

Kranke · 03/03/2023 08:07

AnyMucca · 02/03/2023 23:00

Sounds nomal. Unfortunately.

This is not normal behaviour at all.

Yabusux · 03/03/2023 08:10

That's my point, the advice you are giving would be for him to lie about his height. I'm not defending the OP's partner, just pointing out the parallels - on OLD men are shallow because they go by appearances; women are shallow because they automatically dismiss anyone naive enough to be honest about their stature.

Original poster
history85 · 03/03/2023 08:14

arethereanyleftatall · 03/03/2023 08:04

I am also very intrigued at what hobby would attract such fake people though. Although maybe it's just a coincidence that two fake people joined.

It attracts a lot of people from a sector which pays above average. Most are unmarried without children.

OP posts: