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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How the fuck do you improve attendance

342 replies

Merryoldgoat · 02/03/2023 08:53

I’ve had the delightful LA attendance officer letting me know my son’s attendance is 85%.

I KNOW. I’m the one looking after him.

How am I supposed to stop him getting ill? I’d love to know.

I’m just sick of it. We’re juggling two autistic children, a full time job and I get this officious letter implying I’m keeping him off under false pretences.

It’s such a stupid blunt instrument.

I’m angry and tired and just sick of it.

I have no AIBU. It’s just the rant of an exhausted parent. DH is also exhausted in case anyone is wondering.

OP posts:
cornflakegeneration · 02/03/2023 19:18

PetitPorpoise · 02/03/2023 18:45

@cornflakegeneration having worked in child protection, I can assure you that there indeed are parents who have no issue keeping their child off school for no, or very little reason. I've known parents do it because they like the company or to help with younger siblings or a family business, or because the child is a young carer, or because they have mental health issues and don't want to get out of bed themselves, to name just a few.

You don't know which parents are genuine and which parents aren't coping until you look into things. Nobody walks around with "good parent" or "incapable parent" or "don't give a shit about education" tattooed on their forehead.

Yes I know there are multiple reasons why children are persistently absent. But in the case of illnesses, I think it's unlikely that parents like all of the ones on this thread whose children have been genuinely ill, would keep their children off with a sniffle.

supersop60 · 02/03/2023 19:21

pelagra · 02/03/2023 09:21

There are 195 school days per year.
85% attended = 166 days
15% absent = 29 days, or less than 10 days per term
It's easy to see how someone could be ill for ten days out of three months.

Show quote history

10 days a term is almost one day a week. Thats quite a lot.
My only advice is to keep a record- they can't argue with facts.

Dominoeffecter · 02/03/2023 19:22

Equally ‘What the duck’ do you expect the school/LA to do?? They have no choice, I gave up my job in attendance as it’s like smashing your head against a brick wall on all sides

cornflakegeneration · 02/03/2023 19:24

Misslings · 02/03/2023 18:43

@cornflakegeneration

it isn’t an opinion I’ve worked in pastoral roles for donkeys. Yes there are parents who don’t give a shiny shite if little Johnny wants another day off for a cold. They don’t usually like saying no. Goodness you’re very naive.

This is not the OPs situation though.

Dominoeffecter · 02/03/2023 19:24

cornflakegeneration · 02/03/2023 19:18

Yes I know there are multiple reasons why children are persistently absent. But in the case of illnesses, I think it's unlikely that parents like all of the ones on this thread whose children have been genuinely ill, would keep their children off with a sniffle.

Show quote history

There are more parents that would do that than the lay person could wrap their heads around, it’s a shocking situation just getting worse and worse.

Verbena17 · 02/03/2023 19:24

They’re making it up as they go along & being medically discriminatory.
They cannot prove how time off will affect his grades for starters.
Just say to them ….
”Next time my child is sick or has diarrhoea, I’ll be sure to send them in”.
Then remind them how everyone was banned from going to school with ‘Covid’ so how’s it any different?

I’m guessing your DC’s are in mainstream? Because my autistic DS in his special school was until recently attending for one hour a week and no threatening prosecution letter was sent.

Mainstream schools can implement flexible learning for children with SEND and you’re not even asking them to do that - you’re just keeping them home for illness.
Gosh I’m glad both of mine are out of mainstream.

@OverTheRubicon - aside from the illness issue, not all autistic children love regular routine, nope. Some, including my son as an example, have demand avoidance so getting them into school every single day is like climbing Everest….knowing you’ll get to the top. Mainstream schools don’t tend to understand autism or the presentation of demand avoidance.

celticprincess · 02/03/2023 19:27

We’ve just been sent an improving attendance booklet from the primary. All the stats and info about why attendance is important. I’m a teacher, I know. They include in the leaflet that if you need to attend medical appointments then try to schedule after 10 and take them in for morning registration and return cor after noon, or make it for 1:30/2pm after the afternoon register has done so they can get their mark!! To be honest my autistic daughter won’t miss school and her orthodontist appointments are only during school hours so she makes me make them for about 10 so she can go in for her registration mark then get collected. Her teacher even asked her one day why she had come on to leave at 9:30 and when she told him he told her she was a genius!! Lol. She was forced before Xmas though to have 3 days off due to Covid. I could have legally sent her I. But I’m not that daft. It was her first absence in about 6 years and she was furious. The primary school booklet also said if you’re unsure if they’re too poorly for school, then send them in and school will decide to send them home if they think they need to be. They said coughs and colds shouldn’t be reason to stay off - but I’m guessing if those coughs and colds are Covid they would prefer them to stay off!! But no one’s really testing now.

It’s ridiculous though. I teach disabled students who spend weeks on end in hospital seriously ill. The school still gets asked by ofsted to to explain these absences and what they’re doing to support them and the parents possibly still get letters.

Intend to send my kids in unless they’re vomiting or have the runs. They have rarely caught those things to be honest though or do so in the holidays. I do send in with coughs and colds if they’re jumping around and generally seem fine. If they were wanting to spend the day on the sofa or in bed they would stay off but I’m lucky they’ve never been that ill- other than when eldest had Covid - twice but once over the holidays. Obviously chickenpox we stayed off for and I I kept the eldest off once to have her checked for Scarlett fever and took her back when gp said it wasn’t that and just viral. Luckily got appointment that morning but she did miss her attendance mark to go the gp.

We all have a different tolerance level to illnesses though so very individual. And don’t get me started on the children who have such high anxiety that they can’t physically go to school. It’s not that they won’t. They can’t.

wobblymum1 · 02/03/2023 19:28

BadgeronaMoped · 02/03/2023 08:58

This really winds me up too, I have one robust ds (9) with a cast iron immune system, and one ds (12) who gets ill regularly, catches every vomiting bug going, and takes an age to recover. Yes school, I'll just send him in!

Exact
same here, one robust kid and one who literally catches everything within a mile. I’ve had an attendance letter too which upset me until I ranted about it on here and got reassured it’s a formality and as long as I’m not letting off with them on hols and it’s genuine (of course it is, it causes me a massive headache To take so much time off work when she’s off sick) but it still jars me and adds and extra level of anxiety when i have to call her in sick (again).

ChaosAndCrumbs · 02/03/2023 19:34

If he has underlying issues, the school should acknowledge that. Ours do for my DS. His attendance was poor, but not through us not wanting him to be at school, just through illness and medical appointments. The school just say to us, ‘we know why it’s bad so don’t panic, we always let the external people know why, but as a formality we have to show it on the record’. I’d expect a school to do that for the tiny number of children with chronic health issues that affect attendance. Id probably give them a call or ask to talk to his teacher and just reiterate why it’s poor and go from there. It may be they assume you know they know why and won’t be taking it further, but really they need to reassure you of that if you’re receiving the letter.

ReadersD1gest · 02/03/2023 19:39

Merryoldgoat · 02/03/2023 18:57

@Misslings

you said I need to send him unless he has a fever. Is that when he’s constantly got diarrhoea?

He’s had 10 days off across 3 bouts of illness, two of which I sent him in with and he was promptly sent home.

Your lack of comprehension/intelligence/compassion isn’t my problem to solve.

Very rude post, op?!
How can your child have constant diarrhoea? Sounds like a hygiene problem.

Dottysocksandglasses · 02/03/2023 19:42

School sent ours home for drinking too quickly and doing a wet burp.

The receptionist said he needs to be off for 2 days.

For a wet burp as confirmed by the class teacher who found it all hilarious.

YANBU and I'm right there with you.

After this, we received a shitty reminder about attendance from the receptionist. YES WE KNOW. Ugh

Dominoeffecter · 02/03/2023 19:44

Dottysocksandglasses · 02/03/2023 19:42

School sent ours home for drinking too quickly and doing a wet burp.

The receptionist said he needs to be off for 2 days.

For a wet burp as confirmed by the class teacher who found it all hilarious.

YANBU and I'm right there with you.

After this, we received a shitty reminder about attendance from the receptionist. YES WE KNOW. Ugh

It’s not ‘from the receptionist’ 🤭

TheodoreMortlock · 02/03/2023 19:47

MoreSleepPleasee · 02/03/2023 19:11

Children with autism are more likely to have stomach problems. Or so my sons consultant says when they can't find any reason for his constant stomach issues.

Is he hypermobile?

Dottysocksandglasses · 02/03/2023 19:47

@Dominoeffecter How do you know? Did you hack my email and find out? It wasn't a PDF letter and it wasn't typed very well so it was obviously from the receptionist 😚

Her "writing style" is recognisable from a mile off 😉

ReadersD1gest · 02/03/2023 19:48

Dottysocksandglasses · 02/03/2023 19:42

School sent ours home for drinking too quickly and doing a wet burp.

The receptionist said he needs to be off for 2 days.

For a wet burp as confirmed by the class teacher who found it all hilarious.

YANBU and I'm right there with you.

After this, we received a shitty reminder about attendance from the receptionist. YES WE KNOW. Ugh

How did the receptionist get in on the act if the teacher wasn't bothered and found it "hilarious"? Confused

ReliantRobyn · 02/03/2023 19:50

pelagra · 02/03/2023 09:21

There are 195 school days per year.
85% attended = 166 days
15% absent = 29 days, or less than 10 days per term
It's easy to see how someone could be ill for ten days out of three months.

Show quote history

Yeah that's a huge amount to be ill!

fgswhywouldIdothat · 02/03/2023 19:51

My daugher is very seriously ill and has probably had 20% attendance this year, if that. Why haven't I had a letter? Will I be getting a letter?

Dominoeffecter · 02/03/2023 19:54

Dottysocksandglasses · 02/03/2023 19:47

@Dominoeffecter How do you know? Did you hack my email and find out? It wasn't a PDF letter and it wasn't typed very well so it was obviously from the receptionist 😚

Her "writing style" is recognisable from a mile off 😉

What I mean is, it may be sent out/written by the receptionist but it is not ‘from’ then it is from the school.

CeeJay81 · 02/03/2023 19:55

Half our school have had chicken pox in the last few weeks. My ds has suffered particularly badly with it and is having to have a full week off. I'm waiting for the school to say something about attendance. It can't be helped, he's been in a lot of pain with it. If he has an illness like that once a term he's have a simular attendance to yours. It's ridiculous.

JT69 · 02/03/2023 20:04

As a TA I really feel for you. I feel so bad for children who can barely sit up being sent in anyway because parents worry about attendance. It also means I have the clean up job…… and catch it myself.

saraclara · 02/03/2023 20:07

cornflakegeneration · 02/03/2023 11:47

But some parents keep children off for very minor illnesses when they should be in school.

Do you have a source for this info? Because honestly I hear this line trotted out time and again and I think it's absolute bollocks.
What parent seriously wants to keep their child off school if there's no need for it? I would think this type of scenario is very rare indeed.

In my experience (both as a parent and a teacher) there are parents at both ends of the spectrum. Some consistently send in their children when they absolutely shouldn't be there (and I can understand why in some cases) and some keep them off for the slightest sniffle (one of my own friends was absolutely shocking for the latter).

My only source is my experience, sadly. It's not something that I imagine there's hard data on

Covidwoes · 02/03/2023 20:07

OP, I'm a qualified teacher, and while we have nothing to do with these letters, attendance is also a huge part of safeguarding, so the LA are duty bound to send those letters for safeguarding purposes, as some children are kept off school for issues which would fall under child protection. Your DS' illnesses clearly don't fall under that category at all, but I would definitely contact the school's head for discussion to clarify why your DS' attendance is low. Sometimes a simple conversation like that is all it takes to resolve the situation. Not sure if you have any, but any doctors' notes can also be used too as proof of illness (although I'm aware for viruses etc you are unlikely to contact the GP).

Ilovegardens · 02/03/2023 20:12

My youngest (8) was regularly ill; feeling sick all the time, no energy, pale and had regular colds. I had an email from school suggesting she had too much time off. I realised that it was more likely a dietary issue and started giving her goats milk instead of cows milk, she's like a totally different child now and hasn't had a day off school since. I can't believe that such a simple change has made such a difference. Might be worth a try for any of you out there who's kids have similar symptoms and in case you're wondering no I don't work for a goats milk producer! 😄😄

Lachimolala · 02/03/2023 20:14

We got one this week too, kiddos attendance is at 92.4% apparently.

The real irony is I’ve never kept her off, all of that is her being sent home from them. I particularly liked finding the letter in her bag after they’d called me to pick her up again for a split lip when she fell.

I get the letters are a formality but it’s so frustrating and it really feels like they’re accusing you of being a shit parent when that’s just not the case.

Hankunamatata · 02/03/2023 20:17

Isn't 85% equivalent to 6 weeks off school a year?