To be fed up of constant anxiety about dead people

[StarDolphins]

My nearly 7 yo seems full of anxiety at the minute. The latest thing is because a clip showed up in suggested vids on YouTube & it was so f Adalia Rose. Before that it was about our lovely family elderly friend that died (Bill). Bill might come to the window, what if Adalia Rose comes in the house etc. It’s Adalia Roses face that’s caused the issue, even though I’ve sat for literally hours explaining she just looks different & wass still a lovely little girl the same as her.

For the past couple of months my DD follows me EVRYWHERE & it’s so draining. Waiting for her to put her shoes on so I can nip to the bin 1m away outside! To the loo, to get my charger, absolutely everywhere. She will not stay sat in lounge for 10 seconds.

Shes scared that Adalia Rose will come in & either bite her, fight with her, ‘make her dead’ or take our dog. The panic on her face.

I have said many times ‘I I understand you’re worried etc & it must be hard but what do you think she will do if she comes in the house’ then she repeats the above & I do t know what to say as we go round in circles. I’ve tried reassuring her that as a grown up I know people cant come back from the dead, whilst recognising she’s obviously genuinely worried.

Shes totally fine if she’s with me but it’s so incredibly tiring & the reason for my post now is that I’ve just got so frustrated with her, I got cross & said ‘goodness me, I’ve told you so many times I know it won’t happen ot just won’t happen’. Rushing to get ready for Rainbows, the dogs barking at the door, I knocked a cup over, nipped upstairs to get a towel, she’s following me hysterically dropping crisps on the stairs saying “Adalia rose might come”😢

And now I’ve dropped her off & I feel awful & sad. I know I have not dealt with it right today AT ALL.

Sorry, I don’t even know what I’m asking☹️

Sounds like she's probably got additional needs. Ever had her assessed?

Why is a six year old on youtube?
This is why children shouldn't be on social media. If she must have screentime, then cbeebies!

You need to get her off computers and focusing on age aporopriate stuff. Gentle story books, games, toys etc.
Lots and lots of reassurance and hopefully ahe will start to forget.

You need to sort out your parental restrictions settings and you need to be more sympathetic and supportive to your poor kid. Your child isn't choosing to have this reaction, you're the adult you need to handle this better than moan it's tiring for you that she's clingy. The child is terrified and might have other issues you need to take this seriously instead of an inconvenience and her needing to 'grow up'.

Also why do you assume we know who the hell that adalia person is? I don't want to google because the algorithm will start having her pop up all over my web but you could have been a bit clearer. I assume some nasty scary character?

She was only watches Bluey, Elsa & Anna & kids singing on America’s got Talent & it’s only for 45 minutes while I sat there with her! Obviously this is now banned & has been since then. The rest of our time is mostly spent outdoors or games on rainy days.

@Fancysauce I just don’t see anything else that points to this, I feel like it’s anxiety. It seemed to start around starting year 3 but gradually got worse when our family friemd (who she didn’t know) died & when this clip popped up along the bottom of YouTube.

You don't need to be sorry, you're worried and probably frustrated. YouTube etc is a minefield and unfortunately DC are exposed to horrific imagery. For creative, sensitive children imagery can be really worrying. She obviously has some anxiety and is over focusing on the idea of death. If she is fearful of death and loss there are great books you can spend time sharing with her. The Invisible String is a good one, to reassure gently. Keep her away from all that overstimulating visual input and spend time replacing the fear with gentle explanation you can keep revisiting.

Have you tried being firm? I have additional needs children so they are ATTACHED to me if it gets out of control I get firm mummy is taking the bin out you can watch me from the window its TOO COLD for you watch me from the window you can see me I can see you everything is fine etc etc

Sorry this is horrible Adalia Rose was a little girl who had a rare genetic condition which looked like rapid onset ageing, she passed away due to this.
Why on earth is your daughter equating this to her coming to get her? And why haven't you corrected her?

No, she was a young girl with the medical condition progeria.

OP has been correcting her daughter. From her original post "It’s Adalia Roses face that’s caused the issue, even though I’ve sat for literally hours explaining she just looks different & wass still a lovely little girl the same as her."

Honestly I think you should just show her some of Adalia Rose’s videos so she can absorb the fact that she’s not some kind of scary character.

When I was about the same age, there were two anorexic sisters (twins) in the media, and I saw them in the newspaper (well before the age of YouTube!). They were skeletal and obviously very very unwell (Kendall sisters - their names are imprinted on my brain 30 years later!) It absolutely terrified the living daylights of me, in the same way this seems to be scaring your daughter.

I wouldn't play upstairs on my own for months, I was convinced they were hiding behind the bathroom door, so was frightened of going there by myself - it really affected me for a while.

I don't know what helped me get over it -
Time, reassurance I guess.

In my 30s I've been diagnosed with ocd (intrusive thoughts) and adhd, and I really do think that could have been a factor.

Ironically, I saw the one sister in person when I was in my teens (she lived in the same city), and shortly before she died. By that point I just felt desperately sorry that she was so unwell.

I hope you get it sorted

She died at 15 from Hutchinson-Gilford progeria syndrome and had probably been 'popular" on social media etc recently due to 28th Feb being Rare Diseases day as she was a campaigner from what ive read for her own or others rare diseases. Have a close friend whose child has a rare disease and they would be distraught if someone felt that because of how she looked she'd bite her, fight with her, ‘make her dead’ or take our dog. The panic on her face.

Sorry its touched a nerve for me
But why does she have this reaction?

"just anxiety" as you're finding out can be severe and in need of diagnosis or treatment. The level of reassurance she needs isn't at normal levels. Id be taking her to the GP. The anxiety could be the diagnosis or it might be masking something else. She's not doing it to wind you up or be naughty - she doesn't want to feel like this.

Of course I have corrected her, goodness me! It’s all I ever say! She still says ‘she’s scary’. I have spent hours correcting her.

The child is 6. They don't always have the maturity or understanding to not be frightened of things that as adults we feel they shouldn't be frightened of.

I had this as a kid. My sister had a friend that died of leukaemia, I had a cold one day and another kid said I would die like my sisters friend. I didn't speak for a whole week after that. I was petrified of the dead and woke frequently during the night screaming as I was certain that's when they would come for me.

Diagnosed autistic as an adult btw.

Because she's a child.

I think you need to do this. Reiterate that she was just a little girl and there's no need to be frightened. Watch some other videos of kids with the same condition and try to overwrite the negative feelings she has with positive ones.

Wanted to pick up on this I’ve tried reassuring her that as a grown up I know people cant come back from the dead, whilst recognising she’s obviously genuinely worried this is the wrong way to approach it.

You have to reassure her in her position as a child, not tell her you see it differently as an adult. She simply can't occupy an adult mindset.

I would tell her that if any one ever came to hurt her, whether a living person or a dead person, that you would come to help straight away and scare them away.

Read up on how to deal with fear of monsters. And this is the classic age for suddenly understanding about death.

And get her off bloody YouTube, it is a real problem for kids as they see things they can't handle.

I don't know if this is reassuring but I had a similar thing at a similar age when I saw an article about anorexia in a newspaper - accompanied by photos of a poor girl who had died of the disease. I became OBSESSED that anorexics were going to 'come and get me'. I couldn't look in the mirror for fear that 'an anorexic' was going to be standing behind me.

For me, general anxiety about death became mixed up with the shock of seeing a picture of someone so 'different' and 'scary'. Sadly the impulse to be scared of people who look different has to be overcome. My brain put the two together and I was terrified.

I don't have any great advice - just reassure your daughter that because someone looks different it doesn't make them scary. I agree with the suggestion above about talking about explaining that this is a real person just like your daughter etc. Also might be worth looking into what is triggering the underlying anxiety. Having said all that, I'm also a believer in the unfashionable approach of "Oh goodness, don't be daft. Right what will we have for lunch." ie don't indulge too much. Your anxiety feeds hers. She might just need to see that you aren't the least concerned.

Been there!! My son only watched YouTube kids at the right age restriction and STILL saw the momo thing when that was going about and it made him very anxious. What helped him was sitting him down, explaining what momo actually was and showed him the original sculpture with the artist and explained people can make scary looking things on the internet through art and editing but it was just an art project and she wasn't real x

This is an inappropriately risky strategy for such a young child, with high likelihood of making it much worse. Making a young child confront fears is abusive.