To have an abortion and not say a word

[Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy]

Just found out I'm pregnant, unplanned not sure exactly how far along. I have 2 children already don't want anymore. Aibu to just get an abortion without saying anything to anyone

If you're sure, you are definitely NBU. Same if you were married.

Take care

I had a termination about 30 years ago. To this day not a single person in my life knows about it. I’m totally comfortable with that choice.

Do it. Your body, your choice. You will have to bring the child up so only you can make the choice.
I guarantee under the circumstances you won’t regret it.

It's your body. You would be the one looking after the child

You aren't with the dad

It's your choice

No need to tell him imo

No one needs to know. Your body, your choice.

Your body, your choice

You absolutely don't need to tell anyone, it is 100% your choice.

You don't need to tell the father if you don't want to. Personally, if it was someone I was with and I didn't want to tell them that would be a sign we should no longer be in a relationship together, but you're already not together. My DH knows its my body, my choice and would support me. I couldn't imagine not telling him, he's my best friend and the person I'd want by my side helping me through it.

Please do consider if you'd like another trusted person with you. If one of my friends came to me and said they had made the decision to terminate and asked me to drive them I'd do it with zero judgement.

Your decision OP.

Given what you have described, I would support your decision to remain private about it.

Having an abortion is 100% your decision. Some people think the father has a right to know, but if knowing might upset him and you've made your decision anyway then I can't see how telling him helps anyway.

If you were in a committed relationship I'd be a bit worried if you didn't want to tell your partner, but if you're not in a relationship with the father then that doesn't apply.

Do what you need to do.

Not that you should have to but if this cements the absolute certainty that you don’t want anymore children ever at all, perhaps look into sterilisation? Just to have that added peace of mind that there will never be a slip up or any chance of it happening again (and we all know it only takes one of the slippery little buggers to put a spanner in the works) xxx

Yadnbu.

I know someone who did this. Worked our for the best. If you don't want a secret to get out, tell no one.

Do what you want, if you aren't in a relationship with the father then there's no need to discuss.

But they told you?!

If you were married to the father and living happily together than I would say you should tell him. As you're not in a relationship and you don't want to tell him then I would say do what's best for you.

If I was pregnant and wanted an abortion, the circumstances around my situation would determine if I told the father or not.

Happily married/with trusted partner? Yes I would, I don't think this sort of secret is healthy. I would over compensate and worry they had found out all the time. It wouldn't we worth it.

Pretty much any other scenario, I wouldn't tell the father. I don't believe they have a automatic right to know. And I think I can sometimes put the woman into a dangerous situation.

Do it, if you're certain
You have no need to tell as you're not in a relationship but do you have a friend? You may need a supportive ear afterwards

Just seen you have a CPN on board
Look after yourself OP

Thankyou everyone I know im not replying to everyone's messages but I am reading them all

Please please say something to them OP. Please. They won’t judge or try to persuade you otherwise.

Why are you under theyre remit?

I will speak to them about it. Iv been under mh services for as long as I can remember they've supported me through everything I have bpd and was in care as a child due to csa. I don't mind them knowing as it will be kept confidential and I know they will support me its just the father I don't want knowing so I don't want anyone else knowing incase it gets back to them

YANBU at all. It’s your choice, and nobody else’s business at all.

You sound in no doubt about what you want to do, and it sounds a very sensible decision. No need to worry about it other than getting through the unpleasant procedure. No need to feel guilty or to keep thinking about it afterwards.

Personally I wouldn’t confide in a friend etc unless you really felt you wanted to. Once you’ve told someone something you can’t “untell” them although you may wish you could. Circumstances and relationships can change and someone could go from being a trusted confidante to the last person you want to know something!

This 100% its something I think we have all learnt the hardway over the years

I want to know this to?