To suggest visiting a friend who has just had a baby

[SashaPearce]

No kids so I’m a bit clueless. I’ve seen new mums on here posting that it stresses them out when people want to visit immediately, and that they would rather have some time to hibernate. From a google search it seems like some doctors suggest a new baby shouldn’t be visited by non-family until 2-3 months when they’ve had some vaccinations?

YABU - don’t tell your friend that you’d like to visit, assume that won’t be appropriate for 3 months
YANBU - it’s fine to suggest it, they can say no if they’re not ready yet

What’s the norm?

I loved having people over! I would wait maybe a week for all the relatives to visit. It was great having friends come by, especially when husband was back at work. They bought food, made me
tea and held the baby 😂. I really enjoyed showing my baby off- I was lucky though I’m having a good sleeper/eater and a very helpful husband sharing the load.

I think it's fine to say you'd love to visit them and new baby but also say you understand they might not be ready for a few months and to let you know. If they do let you visit soon maybe ask if you can do anything to help them as I know I appreciated offers of help (with housework etc)

When I was 7 months pregnant, my friend drove round to visit me with her 3 day old baby so I didn't have to waddle anywhere. Everyone really is different, but every new parent wants to feel that their friends are interested. It didn't occur to me that people wouldn't want to visit me. Though I'm not shy about telling people to make their own tea 😁

Just ask your friend, if you can you help out with anything or does she need anything. I underestimated poo-nami and projectile vomiting and the number of babygro's I'd need with DC1. I mentioned this to a lovely, childless, friend who went out and bought me 20.

Ask your friend to let you know when they want visitors. Some people want them straight away others don’t.

when you do go round, be nice and offer to fetch some stuff from shops (milk teabags chocolate etc) and make the cups of tea. Offer to take dog out for walk if they have one etc.

the worst thing I found with visitors was that I had to do everything on top of all that I was already doing. Only one friend offered to make drinks take dog out make food etc. even my family never offered.

Def send a congrats and let them know you’ll be over once they’re feeling up to it.

saying that my PIL didn’t visit for 5 days, father in law is retired and mother in law works 2 days a week four hours a day, busy busy people! To add insult to injury they brought food that we had to cook. Don’t be like these in laws!

Don't just pop over ever!!
Text her saying like pp said: congrats and when you're ready (Essential to say this bit) I would love to meet the baby and see you. Let her decide if she wants to meet up in a cafe or have you over. I know I wanted to get out of the house and didn't want to entertain at home as I was sick of how much we were stuck at home.If you will be visiting at home let her know you'll be bringing cake and biscuits and ask her if she'd like something specific so that she doesnt have to worry about feeding you.

Of course you can ask if you can come round. As long as you make it clear it's only if it's good by her and you don't turn up unannounced then just go for it.

If someone thinks you're being inappropriate just by asking if it's OK to come round then they have issues.

Are you complaining that you wanted them to come over sooner??? Mine came around to meet the DC at about a week later and I was happy with this. If the food is stuff to get chucked in oven or microwave that's not a big deal IMO.

I don’t have many friends (by choice) so I was happy for my friends to visit but I agree that going with a ‘congrats, let me know when you are up for a visit is the best way’ also when you go be sure to ask her how she is doing and don’t ask for a cuddle from the baby unless offered. Try to also follow up after an initial visit by asking if f she’d like to go out for a walk with the pram or if you know her well enough you could ask if she’d like you to take her a walk in the pram so that your friend can shower/relax for an hour.

And don't kiss the baby on the lips in fact don't kiss them at all.

What crazy rubbish is out there saying no non family visiting until after vaccination. There is no right or wrong answer in these situation. Some people want space others want visitors. Generally not a good plan to invite yourself over or expect to be hosted for a long period, but a message saying congratulations and let me know if/when you feel up to meeting up. I loved having visitors, especially just after husband had gone back to work

Visitors never bothered me with any of mine. People came pretty much as soon as I got home from hospital. It was a good opportunity to hand the baby over and go and have a bath or something .

Wait to be asked or simply say " I'd love to see you and meet the baby, here when you are ready "

☺️

I would just say you'd love to see them whenever they feel up for meeting up, you're happy to come to them and bring lunch or can meet for a walk or a coffee if they'd like. I found it stressful to worry about tidying up for visitors with small babies. We did have people over when we were ready but that was more in the 3-6 weeks after range. Thankfully, people were really respectful of that. Also, depending the person they may have lots and lots of offers to visit and feel a bit overwhelmed trying to squeeze everyone in and still sleep. It's nice though to offer and make it clear if you come to theirs, you'll bring food.

My brother and sister in law had a baby two weeks ago and still haven't allowed any family to go and visit (we all live within 20 minutes of each other). Not even the babies grandparents. Child cousins feel upset they haven't been able to visit their baby cousin and everyone is starting to feel a bit put out that nobody has been allowed round.

The only reason we have had is 'we are not ready'.

From what they've said it was straight forward, home within 24 hours, no c-section, discharged from the midwife etc.

Hand on heart we are not a pushy family, nobody wouldn't turn up unannounced, wouldn't outstay their welcome, kids wouldn't be a nuisance they are all well behaved and wouldn't be allowed to mess about. We would all happily visit at separate times so not to overload them.

I just don't get it. But the longer this goes on the more awkward it will become and then they will be whinging that nobody is bothering to make an effort with them. All the young cousins are very close and it will be a shame if they continue to make such a fuss as time goes on that it prevents these bonds forming as they get older.

I think everyone who has just had a baby should take some time out, but there's really no harm in having the odd closest to you pop round for half an hour.

I would just say" congratulations and let me know when would be a good time for you to have me pop round for a quick visit".

Totally this.

You know your friend OP. Just send a message saying congratulations and work out when suits to pop around.

Don't make it weird.

I had so many visitors at the hospital the afternoon and evening on the day she was born. I loved it!

Plenty of visitors when we got home also, was super excited to show her off and have her meet everyone.

I really appreciated the gifts and help that they gave.

And I don't know anyone that hasn't welcomed visitors I only see that on MN.

But of course ask 1st

Oh god, how miserable. I've got 2 kids and couldn't wait to show them off to family and friends. We were in hospital for a week after eldest was born and we had visits in NICU from 7 people (close family) and 3 close friends as soon as we were back on the ward. In fact, I think they were intending to visit us in NICU but as they arrived at the hospital we were discharged back to the ward. We had visitors literally every day for the first 2 weeks I think!

We are not ready what does that even mean. Madness. Say well we are. What is the problem with some people.

Depends on the friend, I had lots visit me, I wanted visitors, I've visited friends too. Just ask

Do bring snacks, and a meal if at a meal time (offer at least) I brought groceries for my good friend, she sent me a list

This all day long 👏

Tell them to let you know when they're up to visitors. Check in regularly if they're OK, if they need anything dropping off so they know you haven't forgotten about them.

When you visit take a home cooked meal they can heat up, you will be their favourite person.

I felt quite isolated when I had my first baby. Family a few hours away, my closest friends also a few hours away, nearby friends and colleagues still working... I'd have loved some adult company. Just ask.

It was a big deal to me given I could barely move.