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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hospital ride going out on my due date

117 replies

IslandGirl5 · 27/02/2023 21:36

I need opinions here please! I’m due DD number 2 on Saturday so very hormonal and uncomfortable and need people to tell me if I’m right to be annoyed or not!

My DH doesn’t drive and the closest person to me is my best friend from childhood (lives 20 minutes away) who from day 1 has agreed to be my lift to the hospital when the time comes. I’m literally due in 5 days and she’s told me she’s going out Saturday night from 6/7ish in the evening but should be fine to drive in the morning. Saturday is literally my due date. Now I don’t expect her to do nothing. She had a weekend away planned last weekend which obviously I never expected her to do anything about but this is just a night out and I feel like I just don’t know what to say. All my family are an hours drive away and my mum is on call to come look after DD number 1. I don’t have many other options here as we only moved here a year ago and I don’t have that many close friends yet. So it’s kind of just her. AIBU to be annoyed? How would you guys feel?? TIA

OP posts:
LoveBluey · 27/02/2023 22:36

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 27/02/2023 22:24

I think its shit! It's a late organised night out, not a milestone birthday party or a wedding shed be missing. If she didnt want to stay in, or be readily available (eg go out but locally and not drink) she shouldn't have agreed. If I agreed to something like this, I'd take it seriously and agree up front what was expected (like no plans or not going more than 20 min away for a week either side of the due date). If that wasnt possible due to other commitments then I'd say 'sorry you'll need to get a taxi' up front. If OPs due date is saturday night though taxis aren't exactly easy to come by, and in any case sometimes dont service certain areas unless pre-cooked

But it's just a friend. It's not the babies father or even a close relative like sister or mother. As I said before I've offered help to friends in similar situations but I've never promised to completely drop everything. I've said if available I will help (for me that would have included leaving work). But I did still have a few drinks around the due date so some evenings would have been unavailable.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 27/02/2023 22:37

Taxi/ Uber if friend is unavailable
Or your Mum could take you in when she arrives for DD

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 27/02/2023 22:41

Leave DD at home with DH and your Mum can take you? Or take all of you then she can return home with DD?

Or just get a taxi?

Very unlikely baby with arrive on your due data anyway. So is your friend supposed to not go to work or go out for the next couple of weeks until you pop?

Really not thought out.

MustDust · 27/02/2023 22:42

Think people are being a little harsh, I'm not saying you're right but it would have caused me stress to know I had a plan and there was a potential spanner in the works, despite realistically knowing the chances of baby arriving super quickly at that very point is slim (I say slim since my children did appear on their due dates), hormones can make you a tad irrational. It sounds like she's a great friend and you just need to get a plan b, gather taxi numbers or ask your mum over that evening anyway for tea maybe. Hope all goes well.

Fiddledediddledeedee · 27/02/2023 22:43

My friend had this, so her dh got his act together and learnt to drive.

If it comes to it you’ll have to get a taxi.

Grumpymumma · 27/02/2023 22:43

I think if you agree to give someone a lift to hospital when they go into labour, then you are absolutely agreeing to be fairly local and fit to drive for a couple of weeks around the due date. If that is too much to ask then the offer is meaningless as it can’t be relied on.

Redglitter · 27/02/2023 22:44

If it was your partner or your friend was meant to be with you at the birth then fair enough

You can't realistically expect her to not drink, not go out but just sit waiting for your call for potentially another month

Tohaveandtohold · 27/02/2023 22:45

You get a taxi, like that’s the most obvious thing to do or your mum drops you with dd in the car and they return home.

Abitlosttoday · 27/02/2023 22:49

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 27/02/2023 22:24

I think its shit! It's a late organised night out, not a milestone birthday party or a wedding shed be missing. If she didnt want to stay in, or be readily available (eg go out but locally and not drink) she shouldn't have agreed. If I agreed to something like this, I'd take it seriously and agree up front what was expected (like no plans or not going more than 20 min away for a week either side of the due date). If that wasnt possible due to other commitments then I'd say 'sorry you'll need to get a taxi' up front. If OPs due date is saturday night though taxis aren't exactly easy to come by, and in any case sometimes dont service certain areas unless pre-cooked

I think it's shit too. If I was on call for a friend I wouldn't mind the sacrifice. It's unlikely to be five full weeks of waiting. My first baby arrived on his due date.

I guess being on call would have felt more like a sacrifice before I had kids myself - now I no longer live a lovely wild, free life I have less to lose. However, I would have done it and I would have felt a bit honoured to do it too. I do have a slight hero complex, mind.

Untitledsquatboulder · 27/02/2023 22:51

Grumpymumma · 27/02/2023 22:43

I think if you agree to give someone a lift to hospital when they go into labour, then you are absolutely agreeing to be fairly local and fit to drive for a couple of weeks around the due date. If that is too much to ask then the offer is meaningless as it can’t be relied on.

Do you think the friend should stay home from work for a few weeks too, just to make sure she's on hand? The OP has other options.

Moveoverdarlin · 27/02/2023 22:52
  1. The chances of your baby coming on Saturday night is unlikely. About 4% of babies come on their due date.
  2. Does she not work? What if baby arrives 10am tmrw morning, can she drop everything.
  3. Taxi / Uber (you’ve had nine months to save up)
  4. DH needs to look at passing his test asap if you’re genuinely this stuck and know no one.
  5. What are you going to do if baby needs medical attention in those first few months / weeks (as many do) is your friend just on permanent call now for lifts day or night.
  6. Yes, you’re being unreasonable.
Isthisexpected · 27/02/2023 22:59

Best of luck with the birth OP. I'd be worrying if I thought I had it all sorted then a curve ball came my way. It's normal to worry when something changes this close to delivery!

TheYearOfSmallThings · 27/02/2023 23:01

Wow, I actually don't think you are being unreasonable. I know in the same situation my friends would be willing to put other things on hold for one weekend if they were bringing me to the hospital to give birth.

Jamieleecurtain · 27/02/2023 23:01

You’ll likely know that labour is approaching for many hours or even days before it’s hospital time. If you’re in early labour during the day is she likely to cancel her night out? Either way you will have plenty of time. Does your partner have a medical condition that means he can’t drive?

whattodo22222 · 27/02/2023 23:03

Only 4% of babies arrive on their due date. Your baby could come any time now so you need to be prepared to get a taxi if necessary.

Saltywalruss · 27/02/2023 23:04

How will your mum get to your house? Couldn't she take you?

GettingItOutThere · 27/02/2023 23:05

YABU - get a taxi/uber/bus or ask a neighbour!

Grumpymumma · 27/02/2023 23:07

Of course not, but I would assume she could be contacted and leave work when needed. Otherwise what is she really offering, to give her a lift as long as baby arrives outside 9-5pm and when she isn’t out for the evening? It is a big offer to make and if genuine it should be taken seriously, otherwise it is just words.

kenne · 27/02/2023 23:11

There are going to be many more situations like this in your future family life with 2 kids. Really your DH needs to learn to drive, unless there's a medical reason he can't.

DoorstoManual · 27/02/2023 23:14

Brushes hair and touches up lippy for the Daily Wail.

user1492757084 · 27/02/2023 23:14

You are being unreasonable. She is giving you clear notice so you'll know to phone a taxi on that night and not be upset or surprised should the baby arrive while she is out.
You need to have a back up plan so she's also done you a favour and alerted you to the fact that you didn't have one.
She's still your first option but if she's out take towells and order get a taxi.

notangelinajolie · 27/02/2023 23:17

Babies don’t tend to come on due date so you are probably going to be ok.
It’s lovely your friend has offered but YABU to expect her to put her life on hold.
You need a plan B. Taxi number at the very least.

TidyDancer · 27/02/2023 23:22

I don't think the OP is coming back so I suspect this isn't a reverse but just someone who's had a mad moment and is now probably embarrassed about it.

Of course it's not reasonable to expect your friend not to go out like that, and you just get a taxi/uber if you have to. It's really not an issue at all, you just do what you need to do on the day. If your friend is available then great, if she isn't then she isn't.

Easternext · 27/02/2023 23:23

9 months to prepare for this even if money is tight put a £1aweek away for a taxi, you can't expect your friend to sit around waiting for the call!

KeepingItReal2017 · 27/02/2023 23:26

4% of babies are born on their due date. Your generous friend can’t put their social life on hold for the next 2 weeks!