To say something to my sister about the baby

[Zcity]

She's gorgeous, 14 months old. She will shuffle on her bum to get around a little. She cannot crawl at all, or stand by herself, she has no inclination to move really, she's very happy just sat on a mat.

I do not have children and Google tells me very different things but I'm worried (as is our mum) as she said to me that baby should be crawling at least.

DM bought the subject up with her but she said she had been to the GP and GP said it's fine as she can stand unsupported- but thing is, she can't. She cannot stand by herself, if you gently pull her up so she's standing she will need to lean against something (sofa) and she only stays upright for seconds until her legs buckle.

Would you be concerned or am I overstepping as loving auntie and wind my neck in? All babies are different, which I understand! Maybe just a late walker? Hoping for reassurance!

When you are trying to get support for a child who needs it one of the hardest things to deal with is the queue of friends, family, and strangers online who will give you the well-intentioned but misguided advice that there is definitely nothing to worry about. The chances are that OP’s niece will be just fine but she might need some help, and no-one on this thread is qualified to declare unilaterally that she is ‘fine’ or ‘normal’.

Based on what OP has said I would want a referral to physio put in now and to maintain watchful waiting in the meantime. Waiting times are LONG and rarely does anyone regret asking for support sooner rather than later. If in the meantime DN suddenly stands up one day and charges across the living room then happy days, the early concern was unnecessary. If she does need some help they will be very glad that they raised it early.

However, this is not my child and it’s not the OP’s, and I agree with the consensus of the thread not to push it. I would, however, encourage pp to fight the urge to dismiss concerns, however well-meaning they may be.

Bum shuffling is an alternative to crawling. Bum shufflers tend to walk later than crawlers and I would only start to get concerned after 2. It tends to run in families. Were either your sister or her DH bum shufflers?

I mean this kindly OP but you’ve gone from one extreme to the other. You aren’t qualified to say that. If she’s raising the issue then it’s on her mind so please don’t dismiss her concerns.

Like pp I have experience of this and my DC did need help.

@Zcity You have the baby a lot especially for an Auntie.

Please make sure that you are leaving time for your own life and aren't compromising yourself. You seem to have the baby more than either your sister or your mum.

I'm assuming you are working 4 days and have the baby the other 3.

That's an awful lot especially if you are looking to meet your Mr Right and have a family of your own at some point.

She sounds absolutely fine OP, don't worry. Completely in the realms of "normal". I'm sure your sister is probably already worrying enough about it too.

Ignore any snotty posters on here, mumsnet is full of them. You sound like a lovely caring auntie 🙂

Oh God so much this. So many people told me that that my DC was fine and didn’t need any support that I started to doubt the evidence of my own instincts and observations. They did need help and their outcomes were dramatically improved by early intervention.

You sound like a nice auntie.

my daughter is nearly 2 and has only just taken a few steps by herself. I’ve had a few raised eyebrows over it so I know what it’s like.

My LO is 15 months and can only bum shuffle. She can't stand unaided so has been have physio to help build her strength up. The HV would be aware if she can't stand so I wouldn't say anything. As a mum we worry enough for our little ones, so we don't need other people, however well intended, trying to give their opinion or worry us more. Xxx

Crawling isn’t considered a milestone and some babies skip it altogether. She’s well within normal range.

My daughter never crawled, she bum shuffled, looking over her shoulder to see where she was going and adjusted her path! As I had been racing dinghies until I was 6 moths pregnant she assumed she had learned to tack when in the womb. She would stand but walked at about 15 months.

You're doing great as an aunty.
All you need to do is not invalidate her fears (it could be something to worry about) and reassure (but odds are it probably isn't).
You care that's what counts. But let your sister worry about interventions and just be a background support.
Most new mums worry enough without others feeling they need to point out the obvious to add to it.

My stepdd only bum shuffled until 15m then took off running, she didn't stop running for the next 10 years. She's 24 now and a nurse.

I was a late walker. Apparently refused to attempt it until a lovely sunny day with soft grass under my feet came along <so sensible>.

When you wrote the op it sounded like you were under the impression that being over a year old and not walking is considered late. A referral wouldn't be triggered until 17 or 18 months and they would look at whether she could pull to stand etc.

My eldest didn't walk until 16 months, my son walked at 10 months and youngest started to work at 13 months. All my kids, all different.

What I would say is if you want to help is get down on the floor and play with your niece, so things like play tunnels for her to move through taking her to softplay and getting in with her to encourage movement and giving her the opportunity to watch and maybe imitate other kids. I would follow milestones and motherhood on Instagram. She is a physical therapist in the US but she has really helpful posts and videos about how you can set up the environment to encourage kids to pull up and move between movements eg. to go from a sitting position to standing.

You sound like a lovely auntie. x

As long as the baby isn't passive overall I wouldn't worry about it.

My sister and I bum shuffled and neither of us walked until 15 months plus - my own son crawled but didn’t walk until 19 months unaided he has hyper mobility not that you’d know now but he did struggle on uneven textures grass etc but all fine now. I’m sure she’ll walk when she’s ready and she’s now got it on her radar so she can mention it to hv herself if she is worried it’s nice you care though 🥰

she is getting about bottom shuffling, and been to her gp.
dont worry.

This changes everything, OP. If the concern is coming from your sister then please do not dismiss it. Support her in going back to the HV or GP for a second opinion if she wants.

I really wonder sometimes about the family dynamics of people on here.

What on earth is wrong with grandma and auntie putting the child at the centre of their world? No child ever suffered from too many people loving it.

People are so bloody possessive of their babies like they are an object instead of a person. I can’t imagine living in a family where my mother or sister or MIL was too bloody terrified to open their mouth if they thought there might be an issue with my child.

What is with some of the rude replies?
OP is asking for advice rather than overstepping!

I bet you wouldn’t speak to someone like that in real life to their face. You would hide your bitter remarks and play all nice.

I’m personally sick of seeing the spite.

I never crawled and started walking at 18 months.

Op you sound like a lovely auntie. I get it as the women in my own family are very close and my dnephew does have profound special needs we all noticed very early on and discussed with each other. Why? Because we love each ither and help each other raise the family children not just oh thats your baby no one must ever mention anything even if concerned. You all sound great.

However as others have said her development sounds normal. Some kids dont crawl at all they bum shuffle.

Some babies bum shuffle and don't crawl. It is fine, and as others say, walking milestones is what HV track, and she's still got time. It is not that unusual. There is no need to speak to her about this. Her HV will mention it when the time is right.

My DC didn’t crawl, but also didn’t bum shuffle (he commando crawled for a bit) and in his case, it was down to SN and this was among the first signs. Up to 18 months is normal and up to almost 2 seems to be ok too for most people so the odds are very much in line with your niece being absolutely ok.

I took my son to physio at 12 months because his lower half was visibly weaker than his upper half. The commando crawling meant he was the infant equivalent of an Arnold Schwarzenegger top half and a Stephen Hawking lower half. The physio taught him to crawl normally and then walk and his legs and feet strengthened fast.

Throughout this process and in part through my job I have learned that crawling is much more developmentally preferable to bum shuffling. Of course, most bum shufflers have absolutely no negative effects going forward, but for some there is a correlation with a weak core. This can play out in the long term by difficulty sitting and concentrating at school with some children sort of slumping over their desks and having trouble with handwriting. So if children bum shuffle, it’s a good idea to check they don’t go on to sit in the W position when playing on the floor. It’s also good to do activities like drawing on a vertical chalk board/easel which is good for the core as they get a bit older.

Honestly, my eyes were opened so much by our experience and there’s just so much minor developmental stuff that can have a knock on effect on a minority of children going forward that I would never have thought about. I do think it would be good if parents knew what to look out for and how to mitigate it, but that sort of input comes best from public education and professional input. I think worrying a new mum is super counterproductive and, for most people, things work out well without any additional stress or input.

Development can often be asynchronous.. early walkers are often late talkers and vice versa. Anecdotally, I’ve found boys tend to be the ones sooner to walk and slightly faster developing physically, whereas girls tend to speak sooner and be quicker to develop vocabulary and use full sentences. I don’t know if that holds up statistically though.