To say something to my sister about the baby

[Zcity]

She's gorgeous, 14 months old. She will shuffle on her bum to get around a little. She cannot crawl at all, or stand by herself, she has no inclination to move really, she's very happy just sat on a mat.

I do not have children and Google tells me very different things but I'm worried (as is our mum) as she said to me that baby should be crawling at least.

DM bought the subject up with her but she said she had been to the GP and GP said it's fine as she can stand unsupported- but thing is, she can't. She cannot stand by herself, if you gently pull her up so she's standing she will need to lean against something (sofa) and she only stays upright for seconds until her legs buckle.

Would you be concerned or am I overstepping as loving auntie and wind my neck in? All babies are different, which I understand! Maybe just a late walker? Hoping for reassurance!

My son didn't start properly crawling until just after his first birthday. He started walking at 16 months, and once he got the hang of it, there was no stopping him. He's now nearly 23 months and has gone from having pretty much no words other than "mama" and "papa" six weeks ago, to chattering away in two languages now. Sometimes they think about it for ages and then once they decide to do it, it all comes together very quickly.

Your sister's baby might have a developmental issue, or might not. I wouldn't say anything for the time being unless your sister raises the subject with you.

You are right to have clocked this - it is not within the range of normal for a fourteen-month old not to be pulling up at all - but pp are also right that you need to keep your nose out of it. Her presentation sounds like my DS, who has hyper mobile and needed physio treatment and orthopaedic boots to stabilise his ankles. As long as she is keeping up with HV appointments any issues should be picked up.

DD was a ‘late’ walker (about 18months) she’s now a competitive gymnast.

It sounds like you have now had your referral but FWIW your GP was wrong not to refer before 18 months. DS was referred at 15 months and needed the early intervention. You can self-refer in some PCTs.

My own brother was the same and as he was adopted dm and df were panicked. They took brother to a consultant ( I think they may have paid privately but this was late 50s). They were told, there’s nothing wrong he’s just a bit lazy and as he’s learned he can reach everything by shuffling, he has no incentive to walk. Parents then used different incentives to encourage and it worked. Incidentally, my brother grew up to be academically gifted and aced every subject, test, Gce, and A level. Xx

My kid never crawled. Went from commando scuffling, to cruising (that was over 14 months), to walking holding hands (for bloody ages) to finally letting go and walking independently.

Not crawling at 14 months doesn't sound anything untoward to me: a lot are like mine and don't crawl at all.

I don’t know why everyone is pretending what the OP has described as perfectly normal. Yes, bum shuffling is an alternative to crawling, but this baby does it ‘a little’ and is mostly content to sit still. 14 months would be at the far end of normal distribution for pulling to stand, but this baby not only doesn’t pull to stand but can’t maintain standing when placed in position and lent against something.

Of course OP can’t say anything much and nor can their mum. But there’s definitely a decent chance this child may need a little support with getting moving.

Gosh once again so many snipey responses here !! I was worried when my baby had no interest in crawling when everyone else’s the same age were practically running!
You sound like a lovely auntie, same as my sister and my mum and dad who are all obsessed with my child (as the first baby in the family) and it’s nice there is so much love! People saying horrible things are just miserable, sad really.

This sounds just like me when I was a baby - apparently I shuffled about on my bum and never crawled and my parents worried that I was a late developer with my walking and then according to my parents, one day I bum-shuffled to the sofa, pulled myself up and walked and was then walking as normal.
I was around the same age as your niece.
I hope this reassures you somehow x

Just some extra reassurance that you're basically describing both of mine at that age and both are perfectly fine. If anything, she sounds like a very content baby. Both mine were the same, happy to just sit and observe.
I think the older generation misremembers things quite a lot or are just less aware that there is a wide spectrum of "normal" which is probably where your DM is coming from.
My DD was a lot older than 14 months before she could stand unaided, and only for short periods at a time while she worked on her balance.
Enjoy your lovely niece!

I wouldn't say anything especially as you don't have children.

All perfectly normal. She's mobile and that's what matters. My littlest one was crawling at 5.5 months, but didn't actually walk until 17 months. Nothing wrong with him. He was just really good at getting around so he stood up and walked when he was ready. My dh didn't walk until 2 (he's perfectly fine too).

It could be something or nothing. I think a Good rule of thumb if it's not your baby is dont comment unless asked. Just enjoy the playing and the cuddles.

My eldest had help from the beginning, casting from 8 weeks old but even after explaining this to both the GP and eldest's consultant and HV pushing for referrals from 9 months no one would help. I've found everything like a different world post covid.

Bum shufflers tend to walk later as they have their hands readily available to grab stuff unlike crawlers. My DS was a bum shuffler and he didn't walk on his own until he was 2. Really no need to worry!

Don't be ridiculous!!! My DS never walked until he was 20months

Bum shuffled everywhere.

My daughter didn't stand until 15 months, crawl until 16 months and walked until nearly 18 months. The HV even documented she was delayed in her milestones but she wasn't. She was counting to 15 by 18 months old and is a brilliant talker. My son walked at just over one but is slower at his speech compared to his sister. Sometimes they just concentrate on different things IMO. If HV isn't concerned I wouldn't be either OP. It's nice you are so involved though as an aunty!

DD was a bum shuffler. She didn't walk reliably alone until she was 2. She is perfectly healthy. She's 7 now and a does gymnastics and plays loads of sports.

My DC3 did not move until 14 months…until then I could sit him in one place and that’s where he’d stay. Started crawling at 14 months, standing at 18 months walking unaided at almost 2 years old.

He’s high functioning ASD but otherwise a walking talking pain in the arse 13 year old now.

Do not get involved-I would most definitely have not appreciated a childless person coming in with comments…we had already sought plenty of advice from HV and GP.

Thanks so much for your lovely reply!

I don't mind the snipey replies at all, I'm glad the consensus was to not say anything as I'd rather not upset my sis.

Can totally see the point that I'm too involved it's such a valid comment- sadly the baby's father left her when my sister found out she was pregnant, so both myself and mum have rallied around to make sure she's okay and fully supported - we've both cut/changed our hours at work so sis could go back to work; I babysit 3 days a week and our mum has her the other 2 days.

It's taken some adjustment but we adore her and so glad she's here! Posters wouldn't know this as it wasn't relevant in my OP so I can understand!! They must have had really bad experiences with family.

I’m sorry to hear that. I hope your DD gets the support she needs soon.

I think you sound like a lovely sister and there is absolutely nothing wrong in asking the question before putting your foot in your mouth and saying the wrong thing!
I feel a little differently to other posters having read your OP carefully.

Bum shuffling is completely normal and it's correct that they usually walk a little later. But if your DN isn't really moving at all and doesn't seem to be able to hold her weight at all then this MAY be a sign of something else

I had a late walker but they were moving everywhere for months and counter surfing loads....just took ages to walk!

My nephew sounds a little like your niece. Bum shuffled but barely moved and seemed to lack some lower body strength. He was diagnosed with hypermobility in his ankles and ended up getting special shoes and splints to help strengthen his legs (now 4 and walking and running fine).

My advice though would be not to say anything as I think you've already decided. She should be seeing the HV soon and hopefully that assessment will spark a referral or a follow up visit to see any progress.

Thank you! Coincidentally sis messaged me earlier mentioning it as her friend's little one who is 10 months started walking yesterday-- I replied "honestly nothing to worry about, one day you'll turn around and have the shock of your life when she's running around the living room instead of quietly sitting there" 😀

Ds didnt walk til 18 months.It varies from child to child.

I think if your sister is seeing her GP and HV and is a great mum, you don’t need to think about the developmental stages of her baby at all tbh. I think you’re better to just be an Aunty and think about the fun stuff! She deffo doesn’t need you to be concerned or getting involved in those things. X