To post lingerie shots on my social media..

[Junglejane8]

Right here me out here..
Long term lacking in body confidence. Have never felt very beautiful or feminine. I've been working on my self-esteem recently and a friend who is a photographer treated me to a burlesque shoot. She said it would be a very empowering thing to do, and it was. I actually felt sexy and beautiful and powerful.
The pictures have come through and I'm so happy with them. I want to post them on my social media but am worried that it will come off as vain, desperate, attention seeking etc.
There is lots of crap on social media but then I think of some of the women I follow who post lingerie / swimwear images and I don't judge them at all. I think they are beautiful and confident. I want to do that too.
Or is it vacuous and shameful?

Apologies for misgendering poor Sam in that last post.

Oh yikes 😳 I don’t see why you’ve asked for what people would think and then are getting annoyed at the answers? Also, people saying it comes across as attention seeking, seeking validation, wanting male attention…. There are MANY different ways it can come across - depending on the person who is looking at the post - I think you need to think of it as not a case that posters are saying “Oh you must be doing it for validation” but that it can be viewed that way by people. Obviously you’re going to do what you want to do, but since you asked for opinions YABU. Posting lingerie pics (at any age) is cringey AF. If you love the photos that’s great. You look at rhem, you enjoy them, send them privately to close friends who would want to see them. Don’t put them online, it’s embarrassing 🤷‍♀️

@Sandra1984

True!

I also saw a previous comment insinuating that the younger generation only do stuff like this for the attention of men and that is the most misogynistic, anti-feminist shit I've heard.

And no, I'm not naive, all porn and the deep-rooted societal expectations of women's appearances stem from the male gaze and that's a huge issue, but that's a completely different topic. From a feminist perspective, a woman should be able to post whatever the fuck she wants (naked if she wants!) without having ANYONE presume that it's to gain the attention of men at all.

You sound like the type of people to ask what a woman was wearing after a case of SA if I'm going to be brutally honest.

I also find it really ironic that it's being thrown at the OP that she sounds 'insecure' (and also at me in a previous post, or of the younger generation as a whole), however from my perspective, I can't think of anything more insecure than bitterly commenting on another woman posting confident photos of herself, accusing her of 'attention seeking' and desperately trying to make yourself believe that SHE'S the insecure one.

It’s not faux naivety, those phrases aren’t misogynistic or nasty. Words have meaning. As I said you might not like what was said but you are attempting to shut down any dissent by saying comments are misogynistic when they aren’t.

Stop!! If dh or his mates posted pics of themselves in their undies posed on a bed with soft lighting eye fucking the camera the slagging they would get! I don't know what type of men you know but I don't know any that wouldn't think it was hilarious!

Exactly, would be social suicide for any man I know.

Oh come on...if you don't want to be judged for your choices about your body, wht would you post them on SM? You absolutely want to be judged, you jsut want the judgement to be "OMG gurl, ur amazing! You look so good....." etc etc.

Putting your half naked shots out in the world is not about female empowerment , its attention seeking. And if you want to seek attention, that's ok,you can. Just stop pretending you aren't doing that.

I think it’s a generational think. I don’t think a young man doing the naked top off muscles thing would be ridiculed nowadays but a man over 40 doing it wound have the absolute piss ripped out of him forever. One older bloke who I know made the mistake of dying his hair to cover his grey and has never lived it down!

This is so true. DH (early 30s) would be torn to shreds by his friends if he did anything like this. Probably going to be torn to shreds myself here for saying this but have seen him have a chuckle at peoples sexy/lingerie posts online also, so it is absolutely not a case of “men don’t care” 🤷‍♀️

This is one of the ridiculous posts on here. You need to do a bit more reading. Who has said anything bitter?
Yes, insecure people seek validation from others, especially online, it’s linked to a lot of mental health problems in young people. It’s well documented.
Your comments regarding sexual assault are really beyond the pale, how dare you say something so ludicrous to women who simply say it’s not empowering to post sexualised pictures of yourself online for likes. You might think you are edgy throwing in such a flippant aside but consider for one moment some of the women who are posting here have actually been sexually assaulted and had that said to them or had to combat such allegations made about a complainant in court. You haven’t a clue.
The male gaze isn’t a different topic, it is the topic. You can’t divorce it from the online world as it has infested the online world like nowhere else.

🙄

You were right the first time. And he’s not ‘poor’ anything.

@Eyerollcentral it wasn't referring to the women who believe that it isn't empowering, that's THEIR right of opinion although they should be clarifying that it isn't empowering to THEM rather than telling OP what empowers her, however it was referring to the commenters insinuating that this would ONLY be something a woman would do to attract male attention and 'risk' putting herself in males 'wank banks' because she'd posted it.

OP, to conclude I would say you have seen a lot of people's opinions on here and I would only post said pictures if you were potentially happy and comfortable with others thinking these opinions of you.

I wouldn't see the issue in any shape or form as I've stated, but if you aren't comfortable with other people's opinions about posting content like that and them potentially thinking less of you (absolutely crazy to me that someone would), then I'd keep them to yourself.

You should apologise for your sexual assault comments, which are completely out of line.
Whether it’s for male attention or not it’s still for attention, which no confident person needs to seek.

I think OP you need to consider how you may feel if those pics get slammed.

The first psychology point is to ask why you feel lingerie pictures are empowering - you clearly feel something when you see those images of others that you want the same for yourself. This is cognitive.

The second point is to say that the way you felt doing the pictures and the way you feel looking at those pictures, is all about you, and only you. They are your eyes and only you can see and feel those things.

You have actually no insight as to how others might perceive you when they see those images. You say you don't care... but that's not true. If you didn't care you would have no desire to 'publish' them at all.

So you do care. You want people to see you in those images. But you want them to see you the same way you saw yourself. But you can't control that.

It's risky. It's your call. You could otherwise just wear a bikini on the beach or the swimming pool next time round and gain empowerment in a way that you actually have some control.

The internet is generally not an empowering place for burlesque lingerie pics.

Thank you Sandra this is EXACTLY the point I was trying to make earlier, just way more eloquently put!
Women shouldn't have to conform / not wear what they want / not post what they want. Why is me posting these pictures got anything to do with men? It's about me, for me, because I want to. So many women on here are making it about men... It shouldn't be about men.

Women don’t have to conform but you ARE confirming in the most obvious way! You came on here asking if it was empowering. Roundly told no and it won’t help your self esteem as it’s a house built on sand. When you are seeking attention from anyone by posting sexualised pictures, tasteful or otherwise, you are not a confident person. People with a healthy sense of self worth simply do not do that.

If you're so sure of yourself OP, why did you even start this thread? If you didn't give a shit, surely your pics would've been on Insta without you second guessing it?

Exactly. A confident, empowered woman wouldn't post on mumsnet over something so trivial as a social media post then cry bullying when people don't agree with her. You can keep saying you are confident and empowered but everything you are doing is screaming the opposite.
I presume you have posted them by now, I hope that posting them gave you whatever it was you were looking for.

My thoughts too.

IMO people who ask for second opinions (from an internet forum, especially) before posting risqué photos online probably shouldn't...

Exactly!

You didn’t have these photos taken in a vacuum OP. You’re protesting too much about being empowered to be convincing.

Heterosexual men don't objectify themselves with fluffy boudoir shyte like we (ladies) do, unless they're gay. I've seen plenty of gay fluffy boudoir images and it's not frown upon in the gay community at all. It's very frown upon if you're a straight man of course, fluffy boudoir is not manly, instead they'll post a picture of them getting out of the pool, shirtless and sweaty in the gym in the middle of a workout or a selfie inside the changing room, now that's "manly" and a politically correct way of objectifying yourself when you're a straight man. I really see no difference with that and the OP wanting to post her burlesque images.

Honestly don't, most people will simply assume that you paid for these photos and posted them on social media for attention . It nearly alway just comes across as quiet sad and a little desperate.
In reality most people who post photos of this type get eye rolls from the vast majority of their online followers.
Posting photos of you in your undies will not build your self esteem. Great your happy with them but keep them for yourself to remind you of how fabulous you are.

The only one in your post not sexualising themselves is the straight man though. That’s the key difference. They may be as vain or lacking in self esteem as anyone else but they are not overtly sexualising themselves on the internet unlike the women and gay men you refer to. Which boils down to the same thing - men who find them sexually attractive will like it and even if it’s not for men they are posting images in the accepted norm of desirability I.e. that they look f*able. This is so entrenched people just cannot see it any more.

@Eyerollcentral I'd see the examples of men posting sweaty, in gym, muscles out etc as sexualising themselves if we're going by definition of what the opposite sex finds 'attractive' by standards set, men just aren't objectified and scrutinised for doing so and therefore it isn't honed in on.