To be hurt by this comment from DH

[Dinkleberg]

DH and I are both late 20s, been together 10 years, married 7 and have two young DC (4 and 8 months). Obviously I'm not as lithe as I was when we got together or before the kids, but I'm not overweight by any means (5'7" and 10.5 stone). I do have some loose skin on my stomach that I'm already self conscious about.

Now my DH is usually lovely. Kind, supportive, affectionate,
San equal partner in terms of housework, childcare etc, a great father. 95% of the time we're very happy. But very very occasionally his mouth seems to engage before his brain and he comes out with very thoughtless, unkind, immature comments. Today was one of those times but I don't know if I'm being too sensitive.

I was happily sitting on the sofa when DH, completely out of the blue, looked at me, kind of laughed and said "are you pregnant again?". Now we both know I am definitely not. I was kind of shocked and asked him to clarify what he meant but he couldn't or wouldn't. I then asked him if he meant my stomach looked big and he again kind of spluttered and didn't reply. I told him that that was quite unkind and has hurt my feelings (which it has) and he's apologised and does seem genuinely sorry, but I'm still upset and seething. He already knows I'm not entirely happy with my body, especially since having DC2, so why the hell would he say that?? I'm not even overweight (although that wouldn't justify it).

Do I have a right to be upset? Like I say he's an amazing partner the vast majority of the time but then very occasionally drops a clinker like this! Now I'm even more self conscious about my body than I was before. Should I just chalk it up as a stupid throwaway comment? He has apologised several times but I'm still hurt.

It’s incredible how many people are saying it’s fine that he didn’t engage his brain before speaking

If a woman went round commenting on people's weight, or their body hair no one would be saying "oh but she's lovely most of the time, she just doesn't engage her brain before opening her mouth.." as though that's an illness of some sort and not something the person could actually work on if they wanted to. Women are held to a much higher standard than men in this regard. We don't get to be thoughtless or insensitive without consequence. If a woman made those comments she would be "a bitch", when a man makes them of course he didn't mean to, he just doesn't think sometimes.

Fair enough, bonkers to me to suggest putting yourself through that for arm hair.

This. It's a kind of passive agressive dig, that he isn't actually owning afterwards. I might be a bit biased, cos XH had form for this. Was an occasional leakage of his many problems with women. He has a new wife, which was meant to solve his problems with me. Guess what, it didn't. He spends much time trying to engage with me at events involving adult DD and on whatsapp. Unfortunately for him that ship sailed long ago.

Anyhoo, I wouldn't let it go. Needs adressing, and if he won't, then that tells you what you need to know. I hope it works out for you, and he's just a charmless twunt rather than abusive.

I would be very assertive about this. Your funny is different because you grew his babies. Having babies impacts our bodies. I see this as a feminist issue and i would drill it into his brain

She may as well be, the amount of bonkers fiction and deliberately provocative made-up crap that's on MN these days.

On another note do people really shave their arms? I haven't shaved my legs in yonks, I couldn't be constantly shaving my arms. If someone couldn't accept that I was a mammal and so have hair then I couldn't be bothered with them. I remember when OH commented on my lip hair (very fair and not noticeable to me) he was told to fuck off unless he was happy for me to comment on his bald spot. It just seems to me to be the pornification of women thinking that they should be completely hairless.

My husband can be a bit clumsy sometimes.

However, he would never be so rude to say what yours has.

Both comments are very hurtful imo. Given that he's overweight himself, I would have said something back to teach him a lesson.

QUOTE ‘Talk about dramatics, I surprised you haven't added 'get rid of him, you have to get out now'

It was only page two @WandaWonder a few more pages and it will be ltb!

OP as others have said he’s apologised, you’ve told him he’s hurt you, he’s said he’s sorry, don’t waste the day dwelling on it.

Were you bloated? I'm around the same size as you, two children about the same age too. If I bloat I can look like I'm in 2nd trimester (I'm coeliac).

If that's the case you may have just looked bloated not overweight If you see what I mean

Giving him the benefit of the doubt, I'm guessing he just assumed that because he likes you how you are it didn't occur to him that you would be hurt at his comments. That you would see it as a joke too.

Make it clear to him that comments about your body are never welcome and shouldn't be joked about.

Sorry but that made me giggle