AIBU to refuse babysitter on holiday?

[Aspire2Iron]

Our 20th anniversary is coming this summer and my husband has saved up and booked us a trip abroad to where we honeymooned. The kids are coming as it will be fun and educational.

My husband would love for 3 nights to be alone with me at the hotel where we honeymooned. To accomplish this, he wants to fly his brother along to watch the kids; he’ll put them up in a Airbnb in the vicinity.

The tricky part is I know my sensitive sister (who has always had bad luck and who has dealt with debilitating mental illness all her adult life) will be very hurt by this. She doesn’t get to travel as much as she’d like, and she loves being with our kids. But she’s definitely not up to the task of being responsible for them in a different country. Definitely. I don’t know that she’d admit that, but we know it to be so.

It is sweet that my husband wants this so much. He’s trying to be romantic. But the thought that I’d have to spin a story to my sister to soften the blow that my husband’s brother is the preferred travel companion has soured the idea for me completely. I have total dread. I don’t think I’ll even enjoy the alone time! What’s more, my sister aside, I think it’s a big spend to fly out a babysitter. I’d rather embrace the season we are in (with kids in tow) than engineer a ‘romantic’ but stressful time apart. Maybe we could swing time alone close to home, but time alone far from home sounds like more than I am able to do.

My husband thinks it’s unreasonable for me to let my sister’s potential hurt dictate how we live. It is true that she, my older sister, can lash out very harshly at me, so that probably does factor in, if I’m honest. But also, I can understand how she’d be hurt; she’s been dealt a harder hand than me and it’s not fair.

AIBU?

Did I miss the bit where the OP gave the age of the DCs or has she name changed?

Good point. She has said little about the brother. But feels sorry for her sister who loves the children, doesn't get to travel much and who can lash out at her sister sometimes. I take this to mean verbally.
And sister has some mental health issues but unclear what that means or extent etc. She cannot look after children on her own but would be very upset by not going.
If it is all too difficult she needs to forget the three nights.

At least her DH will know where he stands. If Op doesn't want to spend anytime alone with him after 20 years of marriage and wants out of anything with a romantic element - he will have a good sense of the state of his marriage. It sounds like OP has checked out and is using sister as a cover.

Seriously I don't get that vibe at all.
Romantic child free time to me is special, but I can see that wondering what your DCs are up to in a foreign country with BIL is somewhat different. Plus half the enjoyment of going away is only packing your own bag and having a leisurely trip there either with a nice cocktail at the airport or a relaxing drive stopping where you want, as opposed to when DCs and ddogs need to wee.

I very much agree with this. You will get plenty more time alone when the kids are older. You don’t need to uproot your children or play with other family members lives.

I agree with those saying do the romantic bit with DH separately and just enjoy the family holiday together without any siblings in tow.

I’m with your husband on this. You’re the one with a problem, where none actually exists. Your sister is nothing to do with your marriage, or how you celebrate anniversaries, or do anything at all!

How about a kids holiday Club so you can have some free time in the day?

Do you consider your sister's response in any other areas of your life? Eg where you live, hobbies, employment? If you got a better paid job and she flew off the handle would you refuse the job? Not being goady but genuinely would like to know exactly how much influence she exerts over your life.

Is that really how you think?

The plane might get hijacked as well!

Bizarre post.

I think it's strange to go on holiday with your kids and then push them off for 3 days, even more strange to fly someone out to take care of them. Maybe one night where they have separate hotel room from you, a film to watch and put themselves to bed while you have a romantic evening and a 'do not disturb' agreement with the kids.

Tricky...How about you go out first and brother babysit, then he flies out with them few days later and hands over. He can fly back a week later or 2 weeks later if he wants. You buy the plane tickets....which you were going to do...your sister could 'help' with the childcare.
You could tell a white lie. Bro saw destination and wanted to go and you asked him if he could bring kids over...