A parking one...

[mrsflanders23]

So I live in a street of mainly terraces. I'm one of few houses that has a drive (I'm an end terrace). There is green space across the road though with no houses so there is generally enough parking for everyone iykwim.

I don't use the drive a lot recently, I have quite a big car and the drive is narrow so I find it more effort to park up there sometimes (a bit of laziness on my part). If I can park on the road I will. I used to have a smaller car and used the drive a lot more.

I guess people on the street have noticed that I'm not using the drive as much and I've had a spate of people parking across my drive... I've not said anything so far as I don't want to fall out with anyone but there have been occasions where I haven't been able to get a parking space near my house and then haven't been able to park up my drive as it's been parked over. I've then had to park further up the street... but hey ho.

Issue is- I'm heavily pregnant, baby due in a matter of weeks. The people parking over my drive thing has started to annoy me a little recently as I'm thinking with a baby I will more than likely want to use my drive if I can park at the front of my house.

I've had various complications and this week I've been at hospital nearly every day. Feeling a bit flustered and stressed. Approached my house in car to see neighbour park 3/4 of way over my drive. No drama, space at front of my house I suppose.

As I got out of my car said neighbour approached me, and told me, didn't ask, but told me, that they now have two cars and would be parking "like this from now on" (gesturing to the way his car was parked over my drive). And that "you know where we are if you want us to move".

I was in such a stress and fluster that I just said "okay" and hurried into my house.

Thing is, I don't want to have to go and knock on doors and ask people to move when I have a newborn baby. I want to be able to use my drive, or not use my drive, or do whatever I like with my drive, which is one of the reasons I bought the house.

If I choose, or choose not to use it, surely that is my choice?

AIBU?

Would I be unreasonable to go speak to neighbour and tell them no?

Oh and I've never parked at the front of this neighbours house or anything like that so it's no kind of weird retaliation from them. I either park in front of my house if available, or across the road where there are no houses.

You really don't want to break down whilst driving to that wider bit do you? You'd never be able to get out of the car.

Go and talk to the neighbour.

Come back and tell us whether he was reasonable or not.

Op I'm so sorry people are not reading the full thread and are being particularly awful
Your neighbours are idiots and need to park elsewhere and not block a driveway
I'm with you, park where you like, you aren't breaking a law, you found a very busy mum who doesnt need this grief

Good luck with baby 4 x

Again though, that’s not true. I was not parked in my drive, but I needed to be (busy road) and a car parked across my drive. Police called owner and asked them to move. They threatened a fine.

I get what you’re saying about “illegal” in the sense of a crime, but it’s the sane level as speeding. You could (‘could’ being very much the operative word) get a fine and points.

@mrsflanders23 I think you’ve had an unfair roasting on here.

You can park where you want as long as you do it legally - and you’re neighbour would not be parking legally to block your dropped curb so they would definitely be in the wrong.

I would definitely clarify with them that they cannot block the drive because you need access.

I’d also be inclined (depending on the response I got from them) to look into the planning permission surrounding that extension.

Round here (west mids-ish) terraces that have driveways going to a wider area at the back of the house effectively share the first section - it might be owned 50/50 but each house has a right of way over the other 50% because, as you say, if you build anything on one half the other half isn’t wide enough to allow a vehicle to access the designated parking bit behind. We looked at a lot of these when we were buying because they were in a price range but I was out off by the drive way sharing set up that they all had.

I mean, if you do find anything it would be the nuclear option to report them but nice to have the knowledge?

I've thought this many times myself!

Thank you.
People are being deliberately obtuse even though I've stated in my OP that there isn't a parking issue here.

@DrWhoNowww it's definitely owned by me, there are three neighbours my side who have a right of way over it to get to their gardens though. They only use it to take their bins out or large items so it's not an every day thing. Even if it was I bought the house knowing that so I'd never complain!

For that reason I personally could never extend to the side as it would be over the right of way. And if I did I would be joining up to next doors house and neither of us would be an end terrace anymore. This definitely would not be allowed by planning permission these days.

Next doors extension was done before I moved in, so I'm not 100% sure of the timeline but it must have been when joining right up to the boundary was allowed.

When I viewed the house I appreciated that the drive was narrow and that it possibly wouldn't be practicable to use it constantly. But I still viewed it as an asset which a lot of houses of this type don't have. Whether that is to park on, or just for better access (i.e I don't have to bring things through the house or someone else's garden).

Before I put in my offer I visited the street at many times of the night or day to get an idea of parking, if school kids cut through, any sort of general issues like that... I've seen it a lot in my job! And I was satisfied. Especially the fact that there are no houses directly across, parking is generally plentiful.

To be honest if there were "on road" parking issues or lack of parking it likely would have put me off the house with my number of children. I would never want to be struggling or having to park streets away.

I wish I could have bought a semi or detached house out in the countryside somewhere, but I'm on my own and this house had the space we needed for what I could afford. I get £40 a month from the kids Dad. I consider myself lucky that I've been able to buy a house on my own, with no help.

It's not perfect. Everyone has jumped on me and called me selfish and various other things, but at the end of the day I don't see why I shouldn't have the access to my own property which I've paid for, despite my use of it.

I don't think I know many people in real life who'd be overly happy with that. "Oh I'm just going to take this because you aren't using it..."

If my neighbour had actually asked me and said "is it okay if we park in this space for a short time or for the next month for xyz reason" that would have been different. I'm not a horrible selfish person that wants to put my neighbours out.

Everyone has jumped on me and called me selfish and various other things...

That's a bit harsh! Most people, me included, have been supportive and tried to offer advice.

Sorry not everyone @SinnerBoy
But the majority have told me that I'm in the wrong.

Well, they're wrong!

@mrsflanders23 You have my total support.

This is now turning into Op commenting about whether posts have agreed with her or not.

And it seems that OP wants to extend the discussion by simply disagreeing with as many people as she can, regardless of what they talk about.

Yes, people haven’t read the full thread. It’s what happens on MN. Yes, some people are critical and say YABU…it is AIBU after all and totally to be expected. Perhaps it should be called ‘focus on those who disagree with you rather than those who give helpful advice’ and ‘disagree with as many people as possible to make the thread as long as possible’

Have you popped over to the neighbour yet? That’s where the resolution to this lies.

My Dad is coming to visit from abroad when I have the baby so I'm going to get him to look at the gate and see if he can fix it a bit, and put a sign up maybe stating access required 24hrs etc.

mrsflanders23 So sorry that you've been getting grief and people haven't read your responses which make it very clear that your neighbour is being very unneighbourly by parking his second car over your driveway entrance.
Wishing you well with the impending arrival of baby no 4!

@WombatChocolate you're very odd. You are questioning my investment in this but then you seem too invested yourself.

I'm in hospital as I go in daily for monitoring on my baby as I've been diagnosed with obstetric cholestasis. I have time to answer questions and I was answering a question from a PP regarding neighbours extension and who owns my drive.

I'm allowed to respond on my thread how I see fit.

When it's convenient to me I will speak to my neighbours and update for those who asked.

On another note, I had obstetric cholestasis. Horrible, so sorry to hear you have it. Hope the symptoms have been dealt with and your pregnancy goes well.

in my opinion you are being very reasonable. Regardless of why you don’t use your drive, i feel you should be able to park outside your own house, although i know its not a given right, but if there is no shortage of parking i don’t see why they do it, we had a similar problem, our car went on our drive and then my husbands van and daughters car on the front, all in front of ours, blocking my car in, not encroaching on anyone elses “space” our neighbour who had two cars, then took it upon himself whilst we were at work to park one of his cars in front of ours, so that he didn't have to move his to get his other car on/or off his drive, leaving us unable to park the van or daughters car outside our own property. Numerous arguments and anti social behaviour in his part lead to us deciding to have the wall knocked down and the whole of the curb dropped to enable us to be able to be able to park our cars on our drive and outside of our own home. Good luck, I hope you manage to get it sorted before your baby arrives.

Just speak to your neighbour, OP. Explain your needs with confidence. You're a single parent of 3, soon to be 4, you'll need to be their advocate constantly for years to come. Practice by advocating for yourself.

I’m angry on your behalf. Your neighbour knows what he is doing is not right that’s why he approached you. Please just tell him not to block your drive.

I hope everything goes ok with your pregnancy. Don’t let the angry mob of mumsnetters get you down. Take care.💐

The mention of the cone by your neighbour just proves what a bell end he is. Fucking cones!

Update- spoke to neighbour when I returned from my hosp appt.

I politely explained the situation and said I was caught off guard yesterday etc. and that it actually wouldn’t work for me.

Said he wasn’t aware I am pregnant and wasn’t sure what it had to do with anything (I’m very clearly pregnant but anyway).

Said they were “surprised” that I ever used the drive at all as previous owners rarely did.

Previous owners apparently let them park over the drive when they needed to and had no issue with this.

I explained the fact that whilst I wasn’t using it regularly at the moment, I did want to keep it free for access when I do want to use it, and that I would be needing to use it more when I have the baby, he just said “hmmm”.

When I pointed out that there isn’t generally any parking issue on the street and ample free spots directly across from our houses in on a daily basis, he just gestured to towards the front and said “but I like to park here”.

He also said, “I can’t see my new car if it is across the road” and “you can come and ask me to move”.

I tried to be firm but polite and said that I didn’t want to have to ask his permission to access my driveway, and that it wouldn’t work with a baby in the car.

So it seems that for the past few years I have actually put them out by making use of my drive and preventing them from using the dropped kerb as an extra available parking spot.

Now that they’ve clocked that I haven’t been using it frequently in the past few months they’ve decided they can resume the arrangement they had with previous owners.

I don’t feel like I actually got anywhere and they are yet to move the car. I guess I’ll just see what happens now and if they’ve taken on board what I said.

I'd say give it till Monday, then contact the Council. You've been reasonable and stated your case and if he wants to ignore you, it's his own fault. Take a photo every day it's there, they're date stamped, so you can prove it's an ongoing problem.

He's an ignorant, selfish tosser.

Why should you have to hope he's in and ask him to move the bloody thing?

Yes, take a picture of the car parked across the driveway and send it to the council to the parking enforcement section. To be honest, they are only likely to show any interest if you’ve been parked into the drive.

I’d actually take a picture of the car when the bloke is out on the road, so he can see you doing it. He knows he shouldn’t be there. If he thinks you’re reporting him, he is likely to stop.

If you don’t want to report immediately , you could drop a note through the door.

’Further to our conversation today, I just wanted to confirm what I said to you about parking across my driveway entrance in case there is any confusion. I need access to my driveway at all times. Please do not park across it at any time. I hope that you understand it is my private driveway and the access is required to be free at all times and there can be no expectation that you can park there and I will come and ask you to move. I am not agreeing to that. I don’t want to fall out about it, but if you continue to park there, I will report you and the car to traffic enforcement, but I really hope I don’t have to do that.’

If I’d gone to see him and he’d said he liked to park where he could see his car, I would have pointed out that he is free to park on the public road wherever there is space, but parking across private driveways whether in use or not is prohibited. I would have said very clearly that I was not giving him permission to do it and was not agreeing that he could do it on an understanding he would move when I asked. I guess that in light of the conversation you had with him, my stance would have become firmer as the conversation progressed. ‘I will say this plainly. It is my dropped kerb and not a space for public parking and I am telling you not to park there.’ And I think I’d have said I’d like the car to be gone in the next hour.

OP, hopefully he’s just being a bit resistant because he didn’t like what you’re saying, but won’t park there again.

@mrsflanders23 You have my total respect.

You are clearly doing your very best for you 3, soon to be 4, children, singlehanded whilst working in a stressful job. You are doing this whilst going through a stressful, complicated pregnancy.

However that is nothing compared to the admiration I have for you being able to drive and reverse a large car down that passageway. My god woman you are amazing. There is no way I would be able to do that with 3 children and a baby in the car.

I salute you.

Your neighbours is a knob.

@Belindabelle that did make me laugh after a tough week!

It's not ideal that's for sure!