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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fussy SIL

95 replies

Blueberries7 · 23/02/2023 14:18

Supposed to be going to an event with my husband and in laws, MIl told asked me to book a table since I know the area well. She was pestering me about it 2 months in advance and I know my SIL (33) is a fussy eater so chose somewhere with fairly generic food. Told them where I'd booked, all fine.

Ff 2 weeks before the event SIL asked DH if I could change the place because there's nothing she likes. I specifically chose stuff that I knew she would eat, so was a bit confused. Turns out shes going for a burger the day after so won't want the same thing twice 🙄

I initially told her to book it herself if she's that fussy but am inclined just not to go now. She has form for this and I get irritated that the family just pander to it, especially when I have a faffy 4 year old that doesn't get such generous treatment!

AIBU not to go? It's put a dampener on the whole thing and I was really looking forward to the first choice which I put time into choosing

OP posts:
IsItBedtimeYetNope · 23/02/2023 14:21

YANBU. Tell her this is where you've booked and she is welcome to sort it out herself if she prefers. It's not your problem if she is having a burger the next day, if she wanted to control where your whole group eats she should have organised it herself.

DESGUSTING · 23/02/2023 14:22

Tell her to sort it if she wants to change it

butterfliedtwo · 23/02/2023 14:22

Nah. I couldn't be bothered to go after all that.

NeverTrustAPoliceman · 23/02/2023 14:23

I'm what might be considered a fussy eater, allergies and vegan. But I never let it become an issue, there is always something I can eat. I wouldn't anyone to pander to me at all and prefer not to mention or discuss it.

Just keep the booking. Your SIL is unlikely to starve. At 33 she should be three decades beyond that behaviour.

Botw1 · 23/02/2023 14:26

Don't change it. Don't not go

This is what is booked. She's welcome to come or not. Up to her.

YesYou · 23/02/2023 14:31

Just say no, soz, it's booked and I'm looking forward to it

xogossipgirlxo · 23/02/2023 14:35

She can order something else, no one forces her to have 2 burgers in one day.

Gwen82 · 23/02/2023 14:36

Well this sounds like it’s going to be an enjoyable event. No one seems to like each other very much!! Not my definition of a loving family that’s for sure! 😂

Gwen82 · 23/02/2023 14:38

And where’s your dh in all of this?

wish I was a fly in the wall wherever you do go. Stony silences, lots of “looks”, and possibly a storming off!

bloodyplanes · 23/02/2023 14:40

This would really irritate me, I would tell her to like it or lump it! I have a df whose dh is extremely fussy with eating, its put me off eating out with them! Fussy eaters behave like children.

forrestgreen · 23/02/2023 14:42

I'd message back 'would you like me to cancel the booking now or wait until you've booked something else?'

Leave them to it, up to you if you don't go but you'll miss out then.

LookItsMeAgain · 23/02/2023 14:51

Are there other things on the menu other than burgers? If there are options, stick with where you've selected and reply to all
"Hi, I've been asked to cancel the booking in Posh Restaurant because SiL apparently doesn't want to eat burgers two days in a row. I put a lot of effort in to selecting Posh Restaurant as I was aware of some menu preferences in the group. Until otherwise advised that an alternative has been booked for the same time and date, I'm going to leave the booking with Posh Restaurant. If others want to pick somewhere else to eat, please make a reservation for the same numbers, at the same time and on the same date and advise the group of the change of venue. I will only at that point cancel the reservation we have with Posh Restaurant

KILM · 23/02/2023 14:58

I'd still go, but remember for next time!
We have two people like this on my in laws side, and it's baffling to me as I used to be a fussy eaters and I would have NEVER had the audacity to try and dictate where we went based on my fussiness, I think it's actually a bit rude. Fair enough a veggie pointing out that a steakhouse isn't ideal but other than that, why do people think its okay to do??

Pirrin · 23/02/2023 15:08

The fussiness may be genuine issues surrounding food that the family are kindly working around so SIL doesn't feel pushed out. But a relatively last minute declaration of not fancying a burger two days in a row is just diva-esque. I would still go personally, but don't get involved in choosing again unless it's to advocate for your 4 year old.

Aquamarine1029 · 23/02/2023 15:08

Don't even think of backing down. This is where you're eating, she is the one who can attend or not. It's insane to pander to people like her.

Iyjd · 23/02/2023 15:13

Why did she book a burger place for the day after then. Who is she going with the following day, why can’t that be swapped instead

Gwen82 · 23/02/2023 15:25

I’ll take a punt OP that this issue aside

You and your SIL don’t get on at all and never have done

You and your MIL don’t get in an never have done

Your husband never gets involved and you resent him for it

MeridianB · 23/02/2023 15:27

Your SIL and MIL sounds like total time wasters! I'd either keep the booking and tell SIL to come or not come (unless you think she will make ILs cancel too, and you've paid a deposit?) or cancel and ask SIL and MIL to make arrangements for a new restaurant.

pristinesurfacesGBTD · 23/02/2023 16:04

forrestgreen · 23/02/2023 14:42

I'd message back 'would you like me to cancel the booking now or wait until you've booked something else?'

Leave them to it, up to you if you don't go but you'll miss out then.

Best response

Original poster
Blueberries7 · 23/02/2023 16:45

LookItsMeAgain · 23/02/2023 14:51

Are there other things on the menu other than burgers? If there are options, stick with where you've selected and reply to all
"Hi, I've been asked to cancel the booking in Posh Restaurant because SiL apparently doesn't want to eat burgers two days in a row. I put a lot of effort in to selecting Posh Restaurant as I was aware of some menu preferences in the group. Until otherwise advised that an alternative has been booked for the same time and date, I'm going to leave the booking with Posh Restaurant. If others want to pick somewhere else to eat, please make a reservation for the same numbers, at the same time and on the same date and advise the group of the change of venue. I will only at that point cancel the reservation we have with Posh Restaurant

So there's a cheeseburger, fried chicken wrap, chicken and chips in a basket, all of which I know she likes and have seen her eat before...but apparently there's nothing on the menu for her 🙄😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Blueberries7 · 23/02/2023 16:47

Gwen82 · 23/02/2023 14:38

And where’s your dh in all of this?

wish I was a fly in the wall wherever you do go. Stony silences, lots of “looks”, and possibly a storming off!

He's normally quite supportive when it comes to his family, but he doesn't really get why I'm so irritated so just passing the messages on and telling her to sort something herself. I'm bowing out

OP posts:
Original poster
Blueberries7 · 23/02/2023 16:51

Gwen82 · 23/02/2023 15:25

I’ll take a punt OP that this issue aside

You and your SIL don’t get on at all and never have done

You and your MIL don’t get in an never have done

Your husband never gets involved and you resent him for it

That's quite a stretch!

We normally all get on in person but their behaviour can be entitled. I pick my battles but it's odd, when I do raise anything to either SIL or MIL they are apologetic and seem mortified, like it wasn't intentional.

I tend to think we are all very different people (or they just try and get away with things and feign ignorance when I pull them up!)

OP posts:
VickyEadieofThigh · 23/02/2023 16:56

I'd be insisting the fussy SiL books the restaurant in the first place, -every time.

Gwen82 · 23/02/2023 16:59

A stretch?

in your op alone you describe your MIL as having “told” you to book and then pestering you

you describe your sil as a fussy eater who “has form” for being unreasonable and you are “irritated” by it and the “rest of the family pander to her”

oh and because of the issue… you’re going to presumably throw in a firework of refusing to go.

I mean it doesn’t sound like a stretch to say you and your in laws don’t get on! Or perhaps we have different views on what getting on with family means! 😂

MysteryBelle · 23/02/2023 17:46

Why didn’t mil tell your sil to book the restaurant? Next time say, as sil is picky and decides anyway where to go and changes everything, tell her to pick it in the first place. How tiresome.