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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fussy SIL

95 replies

Blueberries7 · 23/02/2023 14:18

Supposed to be going to an event with my husband and in laws, MIl told asked me to book a table since I know the area well. She was pestering me about it 2 months in advance and I know my SIL (33) is a fussy eater so chose somewhere with fairly generic food. Told them where I'd booked, all fine.

Ff 2 weeks before the event SIL asked DH if I could change the place because there's nothing she likes. I specifically chose stuff that I knew she would eat, so was a bit confused. Turns out shes going for a burger the day after so won't want the same thing twice 🙄

I initially told her to book it herself if she's that fussy but am inclined just not to go now. She has form for this and I get irritated that the family just pander to it, especially when I have a faffy 4 year old that doesn't get such generous treatment!

AIBU not to go? It's put a dampener on the whole thing and I was really looking forward to the first choice which I put time into choosing

OP posts:
MysteryBelle · 23/02/2023 17:47

I wouldn’t go either. I don’t tolerate in-law manufactured dramas anymore. If I could go back, I would have nipped all that in the bud at the very beginning.

HeddaGarbled · 23/02/2023 17:48

Wouldn’t that be punishing your MIL for the actions of your SIL?

MysteryBelle · 23/02/2023 17:50

The mil should have told op’s sil to decide restaurant to begin with. Why didn’t she.

Emmamoo89 · 23/02/2023 17:52

Yanbu x

ApolloandDaphne · 23/02/2023 17:56

I would just let SIL know that it is unlikely there will be anywhere else can accommodate you at short notice but if she can find somewhere else she fancies then to crack on and book it. I'm willing to bet she won't bother.

Goawayangryman · 23/02/2023 17:59

I think minimal answer is best. Oh, that's a shame. Let me know when you've found something and here's the number of the original place to cancel when you've done so. All in their court, no drama for you.

MysteryBelle · 23/02/2023 17:59

mil and sil want to tell you to do the work of finding and booking restaurant then tell you to pick a different one because sil doesn’t like it. This is called treating you like sil’s personal assistant. Let sil do her own errands and jobs. Especially as she wants to change anything you do. Don’t be manipulated. Your instincts are spot on.

Soubriquet · 23/02/2023 18:00

I’m a picky eater (ARFID) and I would be so appreciative of you picking a restaurant where you know there are foods I would eat.

Your SIL is being unfair tbh. She can change her plan to have a burger the next day

dogdaydown · 23/02/2023 18:02

Botw1 · 23/02/2023 14:26

Don't change it. Don't not go

This is what is booked. She's welcome to come or not. Up to her.

This I agree with

Sirzy · 23/02/2023 18:04

You have made the effort to find somewhere suitable. If she still isn’t happy then that’s her issue.

ds has arfid. When we eat out family always check that the place has his safe foods on the menu or can provide them. I am greatful they do and wouldn’t expect any more from them.

snowlady4 · 23/02/2023 18:05

You should definitely still go- lead by example of not pandering to this nonsensicle behaviour! So what if she's having a burger twice? That's her choice. I often eat the same thing 2 days running- not a huge deal.
I woukd just text the family group with something along the lines of, "Oh ,(sil,) I was sure you'd find something on the menu you would like, I chose it with you in mind actually! Sorry you can't make it. Why don't you just join us for a glass of wine and desert if you don't fancy having the meal?"

FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks · 23/02/2023 18:09

Why would you just not go?

Surely you just tell her “no, this is the place we’ve chosen” and it’s up to her to show up.

GoodChat · 23/02/2023 18:11

I don't see why you're going to throw a strop and not go. Ask SIL what food she wants. If she's a fussy eater it's going to be generic food anyway. It's not the end of the world - just a small annoyance.

Theunamedcat · 23/02/2023 18:17

Group message "OK I've cancelled the booking looking forward to seeing where your getting us into let me know the details 🙂 "

And simply be too busy to arrange elsewhere it is time to disengage and simply not have time to do research apologise for "getting it wrong" it's best if you do it because you know best 😉

MuchHatred · 23/02/2023 18:19

I’d just say it took a while to choose somewhere considering dietary restrictions and i don’t have the time or energy to look elsewhere so let me know where and when. And in future I’d leave the booking to someone else from the start.

Original poster
Blueberries7 · 24/02/2023 10:17

Gwen82 · 23/02/2023 16:59

A stretch?

in your op alone you describe your MIL as having “told” you to book and then pestering you

you describe your sil as a fussy eater who “has form” for being unreasonable and you are “irritated” by it and the “rest of the family pander to her”

oh and because of the issue… you’re going to presumably throw in a firework of refusing to go.

I mean it doesn’t sound like a stretch to say you and your in laws don’t get on! Or perhaps we have different views on what getting on with family means! 😂

Yes, it is a stretch to say that we have all never got on...I've been with my DH for 11 years, when I first met them they didn't show this side of them at all. It's mainly after we have had kids and they have become more involved.

Besides I'm not really interested in your assessment of my family situation. The question was AIBU in this circumstance.

I imagine you're perfect and never have family arguments and you all just get on?

OP posts:
rookiemere · 24/02/2023 10:38

I'd be very irritated too OP.
I think the " That's fine let me know when you've booked somewhere else and I'll cancel it." is the way to go, except I think it's a bit unfair on the restaurant if you end up cancelling with less than 2 days notice.

rookiemere · 24/02/2023 10:43

Or maybe " Oh I thought SIL also ate chicken goujons etc. etc. Best if you find a new venue SIL as you will know better than me, what works for you food wise."

DrMarciaFieldstone · 24/02/2023 10:46

How can fussy adults have such front to control all the plans?

So embarrassing.

StClare101 · 24/02/2023 11:26

“I booked this restaurant as there are several things on the menu I’ve seen you eat before, but that’s fine, I’ll cancel, and you can book somewhere more suitable”.

The end. You are not there to do her bidding.

Gwen82 · 24/02/2023 11:29

Blueberries7 · 24/02/2023 10:17

Yes, it is a stretch to say that we have all never got on...I've been with my DH for 11 years, when I first met them they didn't show this side of them at all. It's mainly after we have had kids and they have become more involved.

Besides I'm not really interested in your assessment of my family situation. The question was AIBU in this circumstance.

I imagine you're perfect and never have family arguments and you all just get on?

Show quote history

Oh we have our occasional tiffs

but for one of us to be inconsiderate with messing up a booking t because they’re having a burger the day before and another family member to be seriously irritated that family all panda to her consequently consider refusing to go? No, sounds very unpleasant family dynamic

Quitelikeit · 24/02/2023 11:33

How annoying text back and ask if she can change the restaurant for her next day trip and stick to this one if you like it enough

Luoisa · 24/02/2023 11:41

I wouldn't book a restaurant without everyone agreeing in the first place, and then when she piped up I'd have said no worries just let me know where you book. I wouldn't not go over this, that seems an extreme reaction to you not being happy with 1 person.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 24/02/2023 11:43

I would just reply "in future SIL needs to book the restaurant as I'm finding it difficult." I'd also skip the meal.

Ketchupwee · 24/02/2023 12:03

Skipping the meal does look rather like you are having a tantrum, so probably wouldn't reflect well on you (rather than SIL). I'd do as PP have suggested and just say that you'll cancel the booking and she should let you know where she has booked

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