Page 4 | Fussy SIL

Blueberries7 · 2023-02-23T14:18:09+00:00

Supposed to be going to an event with my husband and in laws, MIl --told --asked me to book a table since I know the area well. She was pestering me about it 2 months in advance and I know my SIL (33) is a fussy eater so chose somewhere with fairly generic food. Told them where I'd booked, all fine. Ff 2 weeks before the event SIL asked DH if I could change the place because there's nothing she likes. I specifically chose stuff that I knew she would eat, so was a bit confused. Turns out shes going for a burger the day after so won't want the same thing twice 🙄 I initially told her to book it herself if she's that fussy but am inclined just not to go now. She has form for this and I get irritated that the family just pander to it, especially when I have a faffy 4 year old that doesn't get such generous treatment! AIBU not to go? It's put a dampener on the whole thing and I was really looking forward to the first choice which I put time into choosing

JennyDarlingRIP · 24/02/2023 15:40

Maybe MIL was in your shoes before, the one to make plans SIL would then complain about, she's grown tired of it and passed the buck to you.
I think saying let me know when you've booked somewhere else so I can cancel the first restaurant, is the best way to play it.
Next time you just say I don't think it's a good idea if I'm the one to choose/organise, I never seem to get it right.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 24/02/2023 18:02

she say at your table pulling faces when you had cooked for her? Please tell me someone, someone, hopefully your DH, said that it was rude and ungrateful and that your food was delicious?

Maybe she was just too excited to eat and was desperate to get to the climbing frame and swings outside?!

What shocking behaviour: you simply cannot decide to eliminate almost all of your numerous options and then complain that you don't have many options left! How would you (as an adult) even begin to think that would play out differently?

Original poster

Blueberries7 · 24/02/2023 18:03

Gwen82 · 24/02/2023 15:04

Does the SIL have a partner? Children? How old is she?

she say at your table pulling faces when you had cooked for her? Please tell me someone, someone, hopefully your DH, said that it was rude and ungrateful and that your food was delicious?

She is 33, lives at home. Boyfriend of a few months, no children. Can't be certain but think she may get her clothes washed and room cleaned as well (though that may well be MIL taking charge 😉). Basically her biggest worry is what to catch up on Netflix at the moment. I honestly think she doesn't realise my free time is from 9pm after sorting the kids and im not spending it browsing restaurant menus (again).

Also yes my in laws pulled her up about the pushing food around the plate, they want to set a good example for the 4yo!!

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Original poster

Blueberries7 · 24/02/2023 18:34

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 24/02/2023 18:02

she say at your table pulling faces when you had cooked for her? Please tell me someone, someone, hopefully your DH, said that it was rude and ungrateful and that your food was delicious?

Maybe she was just too excited to eat and was desperate to get to the climbing frame and swings outside?!

What shocking behaviour: you simply cannot decide to eliminate almost all of your numerous options and then complain that you don't have many options left! How would you (as an adult) even begin to think that would play out differently?

😂brilliant you've cheered me up

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WineCap · 25/02/2023 13:44

Has SIL come back with her suggestions OP?

EL8888 · 25/02/2023 14:18

I would be disengaging and leave SIL to it now. She sounds immature and annoying. If she wants a new restaurant = then she sorts it. I can’t stand fussy eaters. I have number of random and annoying food allergies but l am yet to find a restaurant l couldn’t eat at. Unless someone opens a peanut restaurant -they are my anaphylaxis nemesis!

Part of the reasons are behaves the way she does is her family allow it. Im not saying it’s your problem to solve, as it sounds like the dynamic has been there a long time. I would be embarrassed if a 4 year old was less fussy than me and yes it sounds like SIL sets a bad example

Thesearmsofmine · 25/02/2023 14:21

She’s a cf. I am an adult fussy eater(probably would have been diagnosed with ARFID if I was a child now) but would never make a fuss. I would either eat the same meal two days in a row or order something I could eat part of.

Original poster

Blueberries7 · 25/02/2023 16:24

WineCap · 25/02/2023 13:44

Has SIL come back with her suggestions OP?

Nope I've heard absolutely nothing at all. I've kept the original booking incase and decided it's not my problem any more.

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EL8888 · 25/02/2023 16:38

@Blueberries7 great strategy, just drop the rope. If she’s that bothered she can do something about it

PillBoxes · 25/02/2023 16:49

I cannot be arsed with this type of Diva carry on.

No matter where you might have chosen as an alternative, there would be something wrong - I'm sure of it.

You are right to step back and let the Diva sort it out. And refuse to book anything when SIL will be in attendance either.

Life is far too short for this. I would not have the patience for it TBH.

Original poster

Blueberries7 · 25/02/2023 18:09

Update - overheard telephone conversation between MIL and DH saying we hadn't changed the booking.
MIL - 'Shes just going to have to have chicken and chips in a basket'
So it seems she hasnt got off her bum to do anything and common sense may prevail!

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WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 26/02/2023 00:57

So it seems she hasnt got off her bum to do anything and common sense may prevail!

Good! If she isn't willing to be the change that she wants to see, she'll just have to lump it!

She remind me of this bloke - but without the tenacity!

Original poster

Blueberries7 · 26/02/2023 11:03

Ahahaa perfect 😂

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Sennelier1 · 26/02/2023 19:04

Tell her to arrange for something different than a burger the day after 🤷🏼‍♀️

LaughingCat · 26/02/2023 20:03

Christ, I was vegan for three years and went out of my way to ensure that it didn’t inconvenience anyone - to the point that I’d just eat what was there at friends/family’s houses (even if it wasn’t vegan because it’s not like it was going to kill me - it was a choice not a death sentence ffs). Made an effort to ensure there were non-vegan options if they came round to mine unless they wanted to give it a go. Rang restaurants ahead of time (because vegan wasn’t massively heard of) to see what we could do so there wasn’t a fuss on the night and the restaurant were prepared (I’d usually just ask for all the veggie sides on a plate, not expect them to cook something special).

The only time I’ve ever kicked off was day 10 of theme parks in Florida with my other half’s family. I just wanted something green. Anything green, after 9 days straight of fried food. And the salad I ordered was basically a plate of grated cheese with a couple of sad leaves looking out of it, drowned in ranch dressing. I was like FOR THE LOVE OF PETE I NEED SOME BROCCOLI.

I’ve never done that again.

So, your SIL sounds like a spoilt, entitled brat. Seriously? Moaning about having burgers two days on the trot and having to ‘settle’ for chicken and chips one day (poor diddums)?

They really need to stop indulging her. eyeroll

Glad you’ve stuck to your guns, @Blueberries7!

Emz4280 · 26/02/2023 20:14

I'd have told her to book it herself and then not gone and said didn't like the place 🤣🤣🤣. Seriously though I would be supper annoyed too.

Original poster

Blueberries7 · 26/02/2023 20:39

LaughingCat · 26/02/2023 20:03

Christ, I was vegan for three years and went out of my way to ensure that it didn’t inconvenience anyone - to the point that I’d just eat what was there at friends/family’s houses (even if it wasn’t vegan because it’s not like it was going to kill me - it was a choice not a death sentence ffs). Made an effort to ensure there were non-vegan options if they came round to mine unless they wanted to give it a go. Rang restaurants ahead of time (because vegan wasn’t massively heard of) to see what we could do so there wasn’t a fuss on the night and the restaurant were prepared (I’d usually just ask for all the veggie sides on a plate, not expect them to cook something special).

The only time I’ve ever kicked off was day 10 of theme parks in Florida with my other half’s family. I just wanted something green. Anything green, after 9 days straight of fried food. And the salad I ordered was basically a plate of grated cheese with a couple of sad leaves looking out of it, drowned in ranch dressing. I was like FOR THE LOVE OF PETE I NEED SOME BROCCOLI.

I’ve never done that again.

So, your SIL sounds like a spoilt, entitled brat. Seriously? Moaning about having burgers two days on the trot and having to ‘settle’ for chicken and chips one day (poor diddums)?

They really need to stop indulging her. eyeroll

Glad you’ve stuck to your guns, @Blueberries7!

Yes I almost laughed out loud at the chicken and chips comment! It's hardly going to ruin her day is it?!

Thank you. I am sure it will all be swept under the carpet as that's the norm with that side, albeit with a few passive aggressive comments. But meh! Least it's one thing less for me to deal with

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LifeunderMarrs · 26/02/2023 20:46

Since she sat down for a meal I cooked, pulled all the carrots out and sat there pulling her face.

YADNBU!! Is she four??

Luredbyapomegranate · 26/02/2023 23:46

She sounds irritating and I certainly would leave it to her next time.

But sulking and refusing to go is equally childish. You have other family members there, it isn't just a lunch with her. Don't be silly, and if you don't like organising these things (I don't blame you) don't do it again.

Original poster

Blueberries7 · 27/02/2023 13:53

Luredbyapomegranate · 26/02/2023 23:46

She sounds irritating and I certainly would leave it to her next time.

But sulking and refusing to go is equally childish. You have other family members there, it isn't just a lunch with her. Don't be silly, and if you don't like organising these things (I don't blame you) don't do it again.

Yeah I think this was just my initial reaction. I do plan to go now things have calmed a bit.
There's better things to worry about...

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